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I now know how much it hurts to have made a past mistake and want so badly to go back in time. It hurts to the core and all you can do is hope for things to somehow go back to how they used to be. To be honest I wish I could just go back to the summer before this school year. I just wish I had taken things slowly. We all learn from our mistakes, though. If things do change and get better I know not what to do and maybe I can help someone else. I feel hopeful right now, though. I still have hope which is a good thing to have. I was thinking of taking an educational leave but how could I? What good would that do other than make things even worse. I just feel like since I have this problem on my mind I am not focusing on what is important to my education. I still don't like painting. I honestly don't get it. I try to make things look exactly like how I see it but it ends up looking like I isolate objects. My coworker Samantha told me to use the same color in at least 3 different areas. That's weird to me. I know that using all those different colors makes for a beautiful painting but I just don't like it. Also, some paintings tend to look the same to me. I guess we need to make sure we are able to do the 'same looking paintings' thing to be able to venture off into our own styles. It seems like I am going to have to teach myself or something because I'm afraid to ask her for help because she's so quick tempered and impatient. The assistant is nice but sometimes doesn't know what to do. I am also a slow and steady thinker haha who gets confused under pressure. I just want to sit and watch someone paint because I think that will help me.