Talkback: The Aware Issue
Reverber8: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Talkback. After a long, long break, we’re glad to be back in our spanking new studio, after an equally long renovation. We would like to extend our thanks to our previous guests, ousted Thai ex-PM Thaksin Shinawatra and the current Thai PM, Mr Abhisit Vejjajiva. I especially liked the part where the guys in red shirts decide to engage in calm and reasonable debate by burning down the studio. Thanks for not blockading the exits, guys!
Tonight we’re returning to topics closer to home here in non-combustible Singapore. Most of you have been following the saga surrounding the woman’s advocacy group, AWARE, the Association of Women for Action and Research. In a stunning move last month, nearly the entire executive committee was replaced by a wave of newly-joined members, many of whom are reputed to have close ties with a religious group with ultraconservative views. I am joined today by the newly appointed president of AWARE, Ms Josie Lau and the new honorary secretary Ms Jenica Chua. Incidentally the members of the new committee have denied that their religious views have had any impact on their decision to run for office.
Josie Lau and Jenica Chua: Praise Jesus!
Rv8: Also with us is the shadowy and mysterious figure that has been rumoured to be behind the spectacular coup - and by shadowy I’m being literal rather than metaphorical - erm, Sam could we please get her to come out from behind that potted plant - please welcome lawyer, conservative religious stalwart and sudden feminist - Ms Thio Siu Mien. Welcome Ms Thio to the...
Thio: DON’T LOOK AT ME.
Rv8:
Rv8: Erm, I beg your pardon?
Thio: I SAID, DON’T LOOK AT ME, I’M NOT HERE.
Rv8: You are here. You’re hiding behind a palm tree. I can see your Ferragamos.
JL: Look, Mr Reverber8, I’m only here because of my obligation to spread the truth about recent events at AWARE. Your show is a cesspool. You lure innocent guests into your pagan amphitheatre with the promise of measured, reasonable debate. Instead, they find themselves ambushed and publicly humiliated to satisfy your lust for fleeting celebrity and cheap thrills.
Rv8: Why thank you. I love your work too!
JC: I’m not quite sure what’s happening. I was shopping at Robinsons, and then that nice salesman told me to turn left after the corridor to collect some free shopping vouchers, and suddenly I find myself in your studio.
Rv8: Yes, we moved the studio for strategic purposes, being where the action is, getting closer to the man on the street, you know, shit like that.
JL: And I think it’s highly unethical of the media to blow things all out of proportion like this. We’ve been nothing but transparent in our dealings with the old guard at AWARE. Stunts like this one just goes to show how desperate, how obsolete, how MISGUIDED the old guard have become to promote the homosexual agenda. And the media are playing right into their hands, it’s simply disgusting and…
Rv8: AWARE? Who’s talking about AWARE?
JL:
Rv8: We’re doing a special for the Singapore Tourism Board in promoting the World Gourmet Summit which is taking place now. Since you’ve made public your enthusiasm for this event - and by the way, I think average Jane living in a HDB flat in Hougang would greatly identify with someone like yourself who hasn’t passed an opportunity to blow obscene sums of money on food since 1997 - I thought it would be nice to get your views.
JL: Oh.
JC: Well, if it won’t take too long. I was planning to distribute abstinence tracts in Geylang at 3pm...
Rv8: Wonderful! Let’s start shall we?
JL: Well, um, sure, I guess. (Turning slightly to Thio). What um do you…
Thio: DON’T LOOK AT ME. I’M NOT HERE.
Rv8: Ms Lau. The Summit has played a big part in promoting Singapore as a food paradise, where every type of world cuisine can find a home, regardless of race, language, gender and sexuality. What are you feelings on this?
JL: Oh, I absolutely agree, I’ve always been a big fan of food diversity. However, you know, sometimes one wishes that we would concentrate less on embracing every meaningless culinary trend that pops up, and focus more on developing a few points of view.
Rv8: Such as?
JL: Such as well you know there are so many and there really should be I guess just a few like maybe two or three or preferably more like one. In fact, what’s diversity got to do with food anyway? Come on! Adam and Eve got along fine in the Garden of Eden with a restricted list of foods. Did you hear them complaining?
JC: I thought they did.
JL: Um. Ya. So, erm, that’s why we should like give diversity and equality a miss. It’s so overrated and out of fashion anyway. Uh huh.
JC: Praise Jesus!
JL: Praise Jesus!
Rv8: Ms Chua, the Summit this year seems to be focusing on bringing molecular cuisine to the foreground. What do you think of the practice of, say, turning typically solid ingredients into foams, airs and emulsions?
JC: I think it’s disgusting and unnatural. What business do we have in meddling craftily with ingredients which God in His wisdom…
JL: Praise His Name forever!
JC: …praise His Name forever. Which God in His wisdom has given us for the sole purpose of nourishing our bodies and edifying our minds?
JL: It’s like…it’s like…drinking water through your nose with a spoon!
Thio: STRAW.
JL: What?
Thio: A STRAW. THROUGH YOUR NOSE WITH A STRAW. DON’T YOU LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY?
JC: Forgive her, O Feminist Mentor. She knows not what she does.
Rv8: I thought you weren’t here, Ms Thio.
Thio: (Coming out from behind the potted plant) Look, I just need to clear the air. What Jose is trying to say is, there is an insidious plot by the combined evil forces of gays, lesbians, muslims, Roman Catholics and that Harry Potter woman to take over our society and corrupt our children. We’re not going to stand by and watch while a bunch of narrow-minded, hysterical, scheming zealots take over our beloved public institutions by subterfuge for the purpose of imposing their will to the detriment of all other points of view.
JL and JC: Amen! Praise to Jehovah!
Rv8: So Ms Lau and Ms Chua - you agree with Ms Thio?
JL: Agree with who?
JC: Her? I never saw her in my life.
JL: Uh uh. Complete strangers.
Rv8: I have here a video of the two of you taken a few months ago in your church. The two of you appear to be having a pleasant conversation during an exorcism of an Indian lady. Ms Lau, is that you standing on the lady’s throat while Ms Thio bashes her on the head with a bible?
Everyone else:
JL: Oh THAT Thio Siu Mien. Ah ha ha. Well I know her a little bit from church. I think she might have helped out in the church bazaar. Fried bee hoon or something. Hello darling, how ARE you? I’m being friendly here in a I-don’t-really-know-you-well kind of way.
Rv8: I have a picture here of all of you with Ms Thio tucking into what appears to be pan-fried foie gras in a high end restaurant. You appear to be laughing while slapping Ms Thio affectionately on the shoulder.
JL: Ya, like I said from the beginning, we’re good friends, and we attend the same church, and she’s like my shifu teacher and mentor. But she’s got nothing to do with any of this.
Rv8: Any of what?
JL: All of this! Everything!
Rv8: So Ms Thio has nothing to do with everything.
Thio: Don’t play wordgames.
Rv8: Ms Thio. Up to now, you’ve never shown much public interest in gourmet food. Why the sudden interest?
Thio: Oh, I’ve always been interested in food. Really, I’m a fanatic. A closet fanatic. Ever since birth, I have been concerned with the future of the food industry and the role food plays in our lives. I love food. I’d die for food.
JC: We just want to ensure that the World Gourmet Summit represents the views of ALL food, not just that of one devious, immoral minority.
Rv8: And how do you plan to achieve this?
JL: We are planning to embark on a series of bible studies detailing the wisdom of embracing a kosher diet.
Thio: No we’re not.
JL: I mean, no we’re not.
Rv8: Ms Thio, a picture is gradually emerging in the press that you are the main orchestrator of recent events to impose rigid, moralistic views on the eating habits of Singaporeans - and eventually the world - by gaining control of a secular institution by underhanded means. How do you respond to this?
JC: We’re still talking about food right? I’m confused.
JL: (praying out loud) Lord, forgive these disgusting immoral sinners, for they know not what they do. In fact, I don’t know what I’m doing either. (To Thio) What are we doing?
Thio: I…we…they…all of us…you guys…um. There is an insidious plot by the combined evil forces of gays, lesbians, muslims, Roman Catholics and that Harry Potter woman to take over our society and corrupt our children. We’re not going to stand by and…
Rv8: Well, I guess that about sums it up. Food for the stomach clearly means less food for thought. Thanks to our guests tonight, please follow that nice lady to our green room. We have a large contingent from Lesbians Against Homophobia (LAH) waiting to engage you in a calm and reasonable manner.
Tune in next week for a special interview with the producers of the up and coming reality TV show, “Singapore’s Got Talent?”. Emphasis on the question mark by the way. 'Night!
Tonight we’re returning to topics closer to home here in non-combustible Singapore. Most of you have been following the saga surrounding the woman’s advocacy group, AWARE, the Association of Women for Action and Research. In a stunning move last month, nearly the entire executive committee was replaced by a wave of newly-joined members, many of whom are reputed to have close ties with a religious group with ultraconservative views. I am joined today by the newly appointed president of AWARE, Ms Josie Lau and the new honorary secretary Ms Jenica Chua. Incidentally the members of the new committee have denied that their religious views have had any impact on their decision to run for office.
Josie Lau and Jenica Chua: Praise Jesus!
Rv8: Also with us is the shadowy and mysterious figure that has been rumoured to be behind the spectacular coup - and by shadowy I’m being literal rather than metaphorical - erm, Sam could we please get her to come out from behind that potted plant - please welcome lawyer, conservative religious stalwart and sudden feminist - Ms Thio Siu Mien. Welcome Ms Thio to the...
Thio: DON’T LOOK AT ME.
Rv8:
Rv8: Erm, I beg your pardon?
Thio: I SAID, DON’T LOOK AT ME, I’M NOT HERE.
Rv8: You are here. You’re hiding behind a palm tree. I can see your Ferragamos.
JL: Look, Mr Reverber8, I’m only here because of my obligation to spread the truth about recent events at AWARE. Your show is a cesspool. You lure innocent guests into your pagan amphitheatre with the promise of measured, reasonable debate. Instead, they find themselves ambushed and publicly humiliated to satisfy your lust for fleeting celebrity and cheap thrills.
Rv8: Why thank you. I love your work too!
JC: I’m not quite sure what’s happening. I was shopping at Robinsons, and then that nice salesman told me to turn left after the corridor to collect some free shopping vouchers, and suddenly I find myself in your studio.
Rv8: Yes, we moved the studio for strategic purposes, being where the action is, getting closer to the man on the street, you know, shit like that.
JL: And I think it’s highly unethical of the media to blow things all out of proportion like this. We’ve been nothing but transparent in our dealings with the old guard at AWARE. Stunts like this one just goes to show how desperate, how obsolete, how MISGUIDED the old guard have become to promote the homosexual agenda. And the media are playing right into their hands, it’s simply disgusting and…
Rv8: AWARE? Who’s talking about AWARE?
JL:
Rv8: We’re doing a special for the Singapore Tourism Board in promoting the World Gourmet Summit which is taking place now. Since you’ve made public your enthusiasm for this event - and by the way, I think average Jane living in a HDB flat in Hougang would greatly identify with someone like yourself who hasn’t passed an opportunity to blow obscene sums of money on food since 1997 - I thought it would be nice to get your views.
JL: Oh.
JC: Well, if it won’t take too long. I was planning to distribute abstinence tracts in Geylang at 3pm...
Rv8: Wonderful! Let’s start shall we?
JL: Well, um, sure, I guess. (Turning slightly to Thio). What um do you…
Thio: DON’T LOOK AT ME. I’M NOT HERE.
Rv8: Ms Lau. The Summit has played a big part in promoting Singapore as a food paradise, where every type of world cuisine can find a home, regardless of race, language, gender and sexuality. What are you feelings on this?
JL: Oh, I absolutely agree, I’ve always been a big fan of food diversity. However, you know, sometimes one wishes that we would concentrate less on embracing every meaningless culinary trend that pops up, and focus more on developing a few points of view.
Rv8: Such as?
JL: Such as well you know there are so many and there really should be I guess just a few like maybe two or three or preferably more like one. In fact, what’s diversity got to do with food anyway? Come on! Adam and Eve got along fine in the Garden of Eden with a restricted list of foods. Did you hear them complaining?
JC: I thought they did.
JL: Um. Ya. So, erm, that’s why we should like give diversity and equality a miss. It’s so overrated and out of fashion anyway. Uh huh.
JC: Praise Jesus!
JL: Praise Jesus!
Rv8: Ms Chua, the Summit this year seems to be focusing on bringing molecular cuisine to the foreground. What do you think of the practice of, say, turning typically solid ingredients into foams, airs and emulsions?
JC: I think it’s disgusting and unnatural. What business do we have in meddling craftily with ingredients which God in His wisdom…
JL: Praise His Name forever!
JC: …praise His Name forever. Which God in His wisdom has given us for the sole purpose of nourishing our bodies and edifying our minds?
JL: It’s like…it’s like…drinking water through your nose with a spoon!
Thio: STRAW.
JL: What?
Thio: A STRAW. THROUGH YOUR NOSE WITH A STRAW. DON’T YOU LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY?
JC: Forgive her, O Feminist Mentor. She knows not what she does.
Rv8: I thought you weren’t here, Ms Thio.
Thio: (Coming out from behind the potted plant) Look, I just need to clear the air. What Jose is trying to say is, there is an insidious plot by the combined evil forces of gays, lesbians, muslims, Roman Catholics and that Harry Potter woman to take over our society and corrupt our children. We’re not going to stand by and watch while a bunch of narrow-minded, hysterical, scheming zealots take over our beloved public institutions by subterfuge for the purpose of imposing their will to the detriment of all other points of view.
JL and JC: Amen! Praise to Jehovah!
Rv8: So Ms Lau and Ms Chua - you agree with Ms Thio?
JL: Agree with who?
JC: Her? I never saw her in my life.
JL: Uh uh. Complete strangers.
Rv8: I have here a video of the two of you taken a few months ago in your church. The two of you appear to be having a pleasant conversation during an exorcism of an Indian lady. Ms Lau, is that you standing on the lady’s throat while Ms Thio bashes her on the head with a bible?
Everyone else:
JL: Oh THAT Thio Siu Mien. Ah ha ha. Well I know her a little bit from church. I think she might have helped out in the church bazaar. Fried bee hoon or something. Hello darling, how ARE you? I’m being friendly here in a I-don’t-really-know-you-well kind of way.
Rv8: I have a picture here of all of you with Ms Thio tucking into what appears to be pan-fried foie gras in a high end restaurant. You appear to be laughing while slapping Ms Thio affectionately on the shoulder.
JL: Ya, like I said from the beginning, we’re good friends, and we attend the same church, and she’s like my shifu teacher and mentor. But she’s got nothing to do with any of this.
Rv8: Any of what?
JL: All of this! Everything!
Rv8: So Ms Thio has nothing to do with everything.
Thio: Don’t play wordgames.
Rv8: Ms Thio. Up to now, you’ve never shown much public interest in gourmet food. Why the sudden interest?
Thio: Oh, I’ve always been interested in food. Really, I’m a fanatic. A closet fanatic. Ever since birth, I have been concerned with the future of the food industry and the role food plays in our lives. I love food. I’d die for food.
JC: We just want to ensure that the World Gourmet Summit represents the views of ALL food, not just that of one devious, immoral minority.
Rv8: And how do you plan to achieve this?
JL: We are planning to embark on a series of bible studies detailing the wisdom of embracing a kosher diet.
Thio: No we’re not.
JL: I mean, no we’re not.
Rv8: Ms Thio, a picture is gradually emerging in the press that you are the main orchestrator of recent events to impose rigid, moralistic views on the eating habits of Singaporeans - and eventually the world - by gaining control of a secular institution by underhanded means. How do you respond to this?
JC: We’re still talking about food right? I’m confused.
JL: (praying out loud) Lord, forgive these disgusting immoral sinners, for they know not what they do. In fact, I don’t know what I’m doing either. (To Thio) What are we doing?
Thio: I…we…they…all of us…you guys…um. There is an insidious plot by the combined evil forces of gays, lesbians, muslims, Roman Catholics and that Harry Potter woman to take over our society and corrupt our children. We’re not going to stand by and…
Rv8: Well, I guess that about sums it up. Food for the stomach clearly means less food for thought. Thanks to our guests tonight, please follow that nice lady to our green room. We have a large contingent from Lesbians Against Homophobia (LAH) waiting to engage you in a calm and reasonable manner.
Tune in next week for a special interview with the producers of the up and coming reality TV show, “Singapore’s Got Talent?”. Emphasis on the question mark by the way. 'Night!