Integrated Resort
You may have read that the race to build Singapore’s first Integrated Resort (otherwise popularly known as the Den of Iniquity) has been concluded. Out of the remaining contenders for the job, which included a fantastical proposal by renowned architect Frank Gehry (of Bilbao Guggenheim fame), the winning proposal was by Genting Resort a vision of a grand and sprawling - what’s the word - kampong.
Given Genting’s rather dull, uninspiring and conventional proposal, the appeal (ie dangling carrot) appears to lie in the oh-too-tempting prospect of having our very own Universal Studios theme park. But why simply import someone else’s idea wholesale? Surely Singapore has the means and creativity to create its own theme park.
You’ve heard of Universal Studios and Disneyland. Now Singapore Integrated Resort is proud to bring you…Hawkerland - the theme park with a local flavour. And it will include the following exciting attractions:
Satay Mountain - Based on Disneyland’s Space Mountain, this is one ride sure to please the whole family. Whiz through a lake of peanut dipping sauce in a satay-shaped pod. Beware the evil ketupat invaders!
Pirates of the Carib-bean - Yeo’s ho ho and a bottle of reconstituted liquified legume drink! Venture into the deep jungle and a secret river of soy bean where the infamous pirate Barbeque-rossa has stashed his merry crew and ship.
It’s a Small World After All - No explanation necessary or possible for this popular family ride. Although some visitors have emerged shaken, firmly believing that this was in fact the Haunted House ride.
The world’s fastest, highest and longest rollercoaster ride - The Rojak. So named because it doesn’t matter how many separate dishes you ate before you got on - it all comes out together!
All theme parks have an “it” ride - one which offers the thrills and excitement that define the entire park experience. Which is why the IR is pleased to present the most fearsome ride of all - the NTUC-Comfort Taxi Ride, for the thrill-seeker in us all. Feel the fear as a real-life taxi driver risks life, limb and liberty in the following harrowing scenarios:
1. CNY-PD Blues - a police car chase that takes you through the congested streets of Chinatown at the height of the Lunar New Year festivities.
2. The Changi Express - you are a world-traveller trying to get to the airport during rush hour. Will you make it on time? Try it for yourself!
3. The Taka-minator - Indulge the mass-murderer in us all as the taxi ploughs through the crowd at a major shopping centre. Look out for the expat tai-tais (one point each) and celebrities (ten points apiece).
4. Dodge the Tin - You are surrounded by a deadly-earnest crowd of schoolchildren with donation tins and teenaged survey-takers. Will you survive the ordeal unscathed?
Of course, we remembered that we’re also competing with Universal Studios. Here at Hawkerland, you get to indulge in your greatest movie fantasies both in front and behind the camera.
Star in your own local drama serial - You’ve experienced the stilted dialogue, uninspiring scripts and wooden acting. Think you can do better? Then take up the Hawkerland challenge and learn how to write your own series in an hour! The winning script will be made into a real television series starring local artistes Leong Kwok Wai and Isabelle Cho. Don’t know who they are? Neither do we!
Singapore’s Brainiest Sales Assistant - Join a live studio recording of Singapore’s latest hit TV competition. These contestants will battle it out using their accessories, their sullen attitude and their deadly ambivalence - anything but their wits! Topics include international politics, life sciences, literature and art.
SFX Studio - Enter the world of special effects. Want to fly like Superman? Leap like Spiderman? Sprint like a housewife at the Robinson sale? Experience how movie magic turns the impossible into reality.
Life in the Void - based on the ubiquitous haunted house, visitors can have the living daylights scared out of them in this true-to-life recreation of a HDB void deck and its creepy nocturnal inhabitants. Witness the bunion-picking aunty, the squabbling Ah Lian and Ah Beng, and the uncle who keeps wanting to show you his “special toy”.
You’ve heard of the rampant crime, the armed robbers, motorcycle gangs and the carjackings. The SIR is proud to bring to you “Escape from JB - the Ride”. Let’s see if you can negotiate the hellish journey from JB back across the border during rush hour. Warning: those with heart problems and pregnant women should not attempt this ride.
Given Genting’s rather dull, uninspiring and conventional proposal, the appeal (ie dangling carrot) appears to lie in the oh-too-tempting prospect of having our very own Universal Studios theme park. But why simply import someone else’s idea wholesale? Surely Singapore has the means and creativity to create its own theme park.
You’ve heard of Universal Studios and Disneyland. Now Singapore Integrated Resort is proud to bring you…Hawkerland - the theme park with a local flavour. And it will include the following exciting attractions:
Satay Mountain - Based on Disneyland’s Space Mountain, this is one ride sure to please the whole family. Whiz through a lake of peanut dipping sauce in a satay-shaped pod. Beware the evil ketupat invaders!
Pirates of the Carib-bean - Yeo’s ho ho and a bottle of reconstituted liquified legume drink! Venture into the deep jungle and a secret river of soy bean where the infamous pirate Barbeque-rossa has stashed his merry crew and ship.
It’s a Small World After All - No explanation necessary or possible for this popular family ride. Although some visitors have emerged shaken, firmly believing that this was in fact the Haunted House ride.
The world’s fastest, highest and longest rollercoaster ride - The Rojak. So named because it doesn’t matter how many separate dishes you ate before you got on - it all comes out together!
All theme parks have an “it” ride - one which offers the thrills and excitement that define the entire park experience. Which is why the IR is pleased to present the most fearsome ride of all - the NTUC-Comfort Taxi Ride, for the thrill-seeker in us all. Feel the fear as a real-life taxi driver risks life, limb and liberty in the following harrowing scenarios:
1. CNY-PD Blues - a police car chase that takes you through the congested streets of Chinatown at the height of the Lunar New Year festivities.
2. The Changi Express - you are a world-traveller trying to get to the airport during rush hour. Will you make it on time? Try it for yourself!
3. The Taka-minator - Indulge the mass-murderer in us all as the taxi ploughs through the crowd at a major shopping centre. Look out for the expat tai-tais (one point each) and celebrities (ten points apiece).
4. Dodge the Tin - You are surrounded by a deadly-earnest crowd of schoolchildren with donation tins and teenaged survey-takers. Will you survive the ordeal unscathed?
Of course, we remembered that we’re also competing with Universal Studios. Here at Hawkerland, you get to indulge in your greatest movie fantasies both in front and behind the camera.
Star in your own local drama serial - You’ve experienced the stilted dialogue, uninspiring scripts and wooden acting. Think you can do better? Then take up the Hawkerland challenge and learn how to write your own series in an hour! The winning script will be made into a real television series starring local artistes Leong Kwok Wai and Isabelle Cho. Don’t know who they are? Neither do we!
Singapore’s Brainiest Sales Assistant - Join a live studio recording of Singapore’s latest hit TV competition. These contestants will battle it out using their accessories, their sullen attitude and their deadly ambivalence - anything but their wits! Topics include international politics, life sciences, literature and art.
SFX Studio - Enter the world of special effects. Want to fly like Superman? Leap like Spiderman? Sprint like a housewife at the Robinson sale? Experience how movie magic turns the impossible into reality.
Life in the Void - based on the ubiquitous haunted house, visitors can have the living daylights scared out of them in this true-to-life recreation of a HDB void deck and its creepy nocturnal inhabitants. Witness the bunion-picking aunty, the squabbling Ah Lian and Ah Beng, and the uncle who keeps wanting to show you his “special toy”.
You’ve heard of the rampant crime, the armed robbers, motorcycle gangs and the carjackings. The SIR is proud to bring to you “Escape from JB - the Ride”. Let’s see if you can negotiate the hellish journey from JB back across the border during rush hour. Warning: those with heart problems and pregnant women should not attempt this ride.