Tabula Rasa: Chapter Two - Memories and Making Friends
It wasn’t a rewarding situation.
He only truly remembered, he realized, very little: only the basics. When he was born-created. When he first fought Riku (that was still hazy). When he first saw Sora.
Helping Sora fight Marluxia, destroying Zexion, and the fatal battle with Riku - these he remembered with perfect clarity. With unusually perfect clarity; he wondered, briefly, if that was Vexen’s doing. Not that it mattered: those memories came after the break. Remembering them was nothing special; the only problem would have been if he hadn’t remembered them.
At some point, he must have drifted off into a true sleep. He dreamt, but couldn’t remember what the dream was about when he woke up.
The replica groaned; sleeping on the ground had made him stiff and sore. He got up and stretched, shivering in the cold morning air. Apparently, Dark Mode had worn off at some point while he had slept. Quickly pulling on clothes that were still somewhat damp, he looked around.
On the horizon, the sun was rising. He nodded to himself; that was east. The direction didn’t help him much, but he was glad to have it nonetheless. It gave him a point of reference, something to rely on.
The fog hadn’t gone away overnight. He sighed. Walking through fog wouldn’t be fun, but he had to do it sometime. Or he could go in the other direction - but, as far as he could see, there was nothing out there.
Shaking his head, he walked toward the fog, the sun at his back. His life lay ahead of him, a life free of Riku and the Organization. All he had to do was find it.
---//---
Days passed in a hazy-happy blur for Kairi. She wasn’t alone anymore. Without that feeling in the back of her mind, everything she did was more lively, more excited. She didn’t notice the difference, though, until Selphie asked her what was up.
On the way home, they hung back and slipped onto a secluded street branching from the main road. In an excited but somewhat hushed tone, Kairi explained Naminé to Selphie.
The brunette gave her a long look when she was done. “If it was anyone else, I’d call them crazy. You - you’re different, though.”
So that led to Kairi and Selphie discussing Naminé (in even more detail, with her permission), and through her all the other worlds and almost all the things the blonde and Kairi had talked about that first night. Naminé occasionally inserted a comment or question, through Kairi, but otherwise seemed content to just watch them talk about her.
They crossed a street, facing Selphie’s house now, but neither of them were paying attention to where they were going. The way home, and to each other’s houses, had become ingrained into their brains by now.
“So that’s why none of us could remember! That was plain freaky - he was in the yearbook but even when you and I were looking for him we couldn’t see him! You know, I’ve looked at that book since he got back, and his picture’s right there! I must’ve passed it a million times, looking for it, and I never saw it!” She opened the front door and let Kairi go in first, kicking off her shoes before following the already-shoeless redhead upstairs.
Naminé ducked her head in Kairi’s mind’s eye and started to apologize. Don’t, Kairi told her. Don’t say sorry. You had to, we understand.
Out loud, the redhead said, “Yeah, she’s good at that stuff. She doesn’t really like it, though.”
Selphie nodded, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers as they entered her room. “I...think I can see that. I mean, sure, those are super awesome cool powers, but they’re easy to misuse. Like you said she did with Sora,” she shivered and flopped onto her bed, rolling onto her stomach and looking up at Kairi. “Sit anywhere. And, uh - Naminé too.” The other girl looked around, as if expecting to see a half-transparent blonde somewhere.
Kairi laughed and shook her head, settling on a bean-bag chair. Selphie’s mother always complained that the things ruined young girls’ postures, but neither her daughter nor Kairi really cared. Selphie figured that, if guys didn’t need to care about bad posture, neither did she, and Kairi had long since realized that posture was not the most important thing in the world to worry about.
“Tell her I said thank you, though?” Kairi nodded slightly. Another difference between herself and Naminé was that, while Kairi could be polite if she so chose, Naminé was always polite.
“Naminé’s in my head, so she can’t really sit down. She says thanks anyway, though.”
Selphie blinked. “That is weird. You can just like, talk to her any time...” Her eyes widened. “Think about tests, Kairi! Oh man, you are so lucky...”
Kairi giggled. “I don’t think Naminé can help me with much of that - she doesn’t have my memories, and those are what I’d need on the tests.”
“I could help, though. When you study, I learn. If you forget something that you already knew, then I could tell you.” Kairi decided not to relay that to Selphie. It wouldn’t do for her best friend to become jealous of her.
“Okay, okay, so maybe not that. And she won’t use her powers, either... Guess she really is just a portable friend.” Selphie sighed. “Bummer. Something cool comes up, and it’s just-barely-not-normal cool. And for you, I mean, this isn’t even not normal, it’s like another thing to add to the list or something...”
“List?” Kairi asked, struggling not to laugh. Sometimes Selphie had the weirdest ideas.
“Your list! The list of all the stuff that’s happened to you that hasn’t happened to me!” Selphie tilted her head. “Don’t you remember? We were partners for that thing back in - oh, was it sixth or seventh? Anyways, we did that, and I’ve kept mine. Just a second...” She leaned over the edge of her bed, sticking her head under so that it looked like she was being eaten. After a few moments, she came out, a stack of papers in her hand.
“See! I threw it under there when you disappeared, ‘cause I didn’t have anything more to add to it.” She looked up. “Don’t tell me you didn’t keep yours.”
To Selphie’s indignation, Kairi hadn’t. This, naturally, prompted a pillow fight that lasted at least fifteen minutes. It was hastily cut off when Selphie’s mom stuck her head in the room, disapproval flashing in her eyes as she told them that young ladies were expected to behave themselves and not make so much noise. She left before Selphie could think up a good comeback.
“Ugh! I love her, I really do - we had this really neat chat a few days ago on bliztball - but sometimes she’s just so old-fashioned! You know? I mean, young ladies behave themselves - it was just a pillow-fight! It’s not like we were mouthing off to a guest, or singing really really bad karaoke or anything!”
Kairi suspected that the last had happened at some point, but didn’t ask. She really didn’t need or want to know. Instead, she nodded.
“I know.”
Selphie rolled her eyes. “You’re so lucky, you know that? Your dad doesn’t bug you about any of this stuff.”
Kairi smiled slightly, reaching over to pat her friend’s shoulder. “I know.”
“Wanna trade?”
“No thanks.”
Selphie sighed and snapped her fingers. “Darn. Maybe I could just move in with you...”
Kairi laughed. “Oh, but Selphie, think of the rumors!”
The brunette grinned. “Everyone will think I’m having my wicked way with you~”
The redhead smirked. “Or that I’m seducing you.”
Pausing, Selphie looked her friend over from head to toe, then shook her head. “Nope, no one will think that. Sorry Kairi, you’re just way too innocent for that.”
Kairi frowned. “Not true. I could totally force myself onto you.”
“Well, you could try, but you wouldn’t succeed. Besides, no one would believe that you’d even consider trying. You’re the good girl, remember?”
Kairi pouted. “Why do I have to be the good girl? No one takes me seriously!”
Selphie looked thoughtful. She started ticking reasons off on her fingers. “You’re the mayor’s daughter. You like Sora. You’re smart. Your breasts are average. You dress in pink. Your keyblade has flowers on it. Every bad guy kidnaps you.”
Kairi frowned again. “Hey, that one’s not my fault!”
“Sure it is. You’re Sora’s weak link, Kairi.”
“Am not! I’m his strength!”
Selphie raised an eyebrow. “...Right. You’re still weaker than him. And the bad guys all know he’ll do stuff for them if they’ve got you.”
The redhead crossed her arms over her chest. “Hmph. It’s not my fault I never got the training they did...”
“...Kairi. I got some of the training. Besides, Naminé’s got no training whatsoever and she’s still more badass than you.”
That got Kairi sitting up straight. “She is not!”
“I, I’m really not...”
Selphie snorted. “Yeah right. She manipulated people, got what she wanted, defied the Organization and DiZ, and rescued you.”
Kairi made a face. “I killed Heartless. Naminé never did that.”
“Well, actually, there were barrel spiders in Castle Oblivion and-”
...Seriously?
“Yes.”
...This sucks. You’re more badass than I am.
“I’m sorry?”
Kairi blinked. “She just apologized for being more badass than me. Doesn’t that like, cancel out her badass-ness?”
Selphie laughed. “Nope! It just means she’s nice, too.”
Kairi pouted and crossed over to flop on Selphie’s bed. “Whatever. Hey, can I call my dad and tell him I’m staying over here tonight?”
Selphie nodded and grabbed her cellphone off her desk, tossing it to Kairi. “Order some pizza while you’re at it. Mom’s making some of that weird gym-sock-stew again.”
Kairi burst into laughter as she caught the phone and found her home number in Selphie’s Contacts list. Naminé gently nudged her in confusion.
“Gym-sock-stew?”
Kairi grinned as she held the phone to her ear, waiting for her father to pick up on the other end. Yeah. It’s this stuff Selphie’s mom makes - it’s actually okay, really, but it kinda smells like sweaty gym socks that have been left in a boy’s locker for a few days.
Naminé tilted her head in Kairi’s mind. “...Why a boy’s locker?”
Because it smells like cologne too. Seriously, it’s kinda awful.
“But it tastes alright?”
Kairi nodded. Yep. A little heavy on the garlic, but that’s about it.
The annoying rings from the phone cut off and a voice on the other end asked, “Hello?”
“Hi dad, it’s Kairi. I’m at Selphie’s right now. I wanted to know if-”
Her father laughed, cutting her off. “Of course you can stay over, Kairi. Thank you for telling me. Make sure you do your homework.”
“We will. Thanks dad!”
“You’re welcome. Have fun, alright?”
She laughed. “Of course I will! Love you, dad.”
“I love you too. I’ll see you later, Kairi.”
“Yeah. Seeya!”
Selphie was fiddling with a paopu-shaped plushie as Kairi hung up and then dialed the number for the only pizza place in town.
---//---
The fog, the replica found out, was only about ten steps thick, and past it, there was another broad expanse of purple rock. The only difference was that, on this side, there were buildings littered across that expanse.
The fog was also invisible from this side. Looking behind him, he could see out past the lake he’d washed in yesterday.
Which means that the fog is magic. I hope I didn’t trip a defense system or anything, walking through it... If he had, he could always claim to be a refugee or lost, or both. Likely, whoever came to investigate would believe him. However, there was a chance, small but nevertheless there, that an armed force told to kill first and ask questions later would be sent. That thought set off his adrenaline.
I have to get away from here, fast. I can’t go back the way I came, either, I’d be too easy to spot. Maybe hiding out in one of the buildings would work...
As that was his best course of action, he ran for the nearest one. He wasn’t any kind of track star - he-Riku had won an award once for best short-distance sprint time, but he-Riku had never pursued it - but he was a decent runner and the building wasn’t too far.
It was tall, at least three stories, but small and cylindrical. His memories labeled it watchtower, and he listened to them.
“Watchtower” meant a lot of things. It meant people, it meant lookout, it meant soldiers or fighters of some sort. The fact that he wasn’t shot at as he approached was helpful; if it was unmanned, he would either be a sitting duck or extremely well-hidden.
They could come in there, after all, to grab something or to take their shift. If they don’t, though, they probably won’t think to check it. He was fine with that risk - he would probably be able to see them coming this way, at least.
The watchtower door, unfortunately, was locked. He wished he had the keyblade - or Sora - with him. He scolded himself for that wish, though - the darkness is my strength, not some stupid oversized key. I can do this on my own.
Frowning, he tried ramming the door. It was a large wooden affair, with metal bars and studs. All he accomplished in ramming it was making his shoulder ache. Can’t burn it down, either, that’s what the metal’s there for I’ll bet...
Ten minutes later, he had to conclude that there was, in fact, no other way into the watchtower.
It had no windows low enough for him to get to from the ground. It had no footholds or conveniently-placed cracks. It had no other doors.
After trying to run up the side to reach one of the windows and ending up not landing on his feet, he gave up for the time being. His shoulder was still smarting from running into the door, and now his rear end was incredibly sore. He hadn’t liked the sound he’d made when he hit the ground, either, and he sincerely hoped that all he got from the fall were a few bruises.
Besides that, the skin between his shoulder blades prickled. He thought for sure that someone was watching him -- he swore he heard laughter a few times, too -- but every time he looked around for the source, nothing was there. He knew he was probably a little on edge, paranoid, but after the fifth time it happened, he stopped and glared up at the tower.
“Whoever you are, get out here!” Maybe shouting demands when he was the one trying to break in wasn't a good idea, but that only occurred to him after he said it.
More laughter, and this time he knew it wasn't his imagination. “About time you asked. And here I thought you'd keep trying to break in all day!”
Almost jumping in surprise, despite having known that someone was there, the replica backed up as a dark something jumped out of one of the too-high windows.
The something landed in front of him, straightening and tilting her head at him. She was a young woman, with black hair cropped short and held back by a white headband. A khaki vest hung over a black shirt with white flower designs, not quite covering her midriff. Below those were khaki shorts and a tall pair of lace-up boots. She leaned forward, inspecting him with the biggest grin he'd ever seen on someone besides Sora.
“Sooo, wanna tell me why you didn't try knocking?” She leaned back. “Most people would’ve tried that first, you know.”
The replica snorted and eyed her warily. After a few moments, she turned around and promptly burst into laughter. He scowled at her. If all she had wanted to do was laugh at him, she could’ve just stayed in hiding.
After a few minutes - every time she turned to look at him, her laughter started up again, which only made his scowl worse, and the scowl seemed to be what was prompting her laughter - she finally calmed down and turned.
“Hehe, sorry about that. I just, you looked so funny. You should’ve seen your face!”
He glared but said nothing. She frowned, tilting her head at him.
“Hey, you can talk, right? Oh man, I’m not making fun of a mute, am I? I bet I just got loads of negative karma points, it’s gonna take forever to get rid of them, I’ll have to help every single granny I see, and pick up every stray too - oh man, there goes my paycheck...”
The replica snapped his fingers a few times to get her attention. “I’m not mute.”
She blinked. “Then why didn’t you say something earlier?”
He shrugged. “You were talking enough for both of us?”
She frowned at him but let the issue drop. “So, why’d you need to get in so bad? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone try to run into a tower, and you tried two different ways.”
He bit his lip; this was the problem with not having thought out a reasonable back-story before heading through the fog. Now he had to think on his feet to get himself out of this before it became a mess.
“It was the first building I saw.”
She raised an eyebrow. “So you had to get into it?”
He shrugged, and she rolled her eyes. “Right. You offworlders are so weird. Don’t try that again, got it? These aren’t for regular people, okay?” Though he bristled slightly at her assumption that he was regular, he didn’t correct it. Better for her to underestimate him than for her to be suspicious.
She straightened, turning and heading off. “C’mon, follow me. I’ll show you around - you’ll havta meet Leon first, but that won’t take too long - oh, by the way, my name’s Yuffie. What’s yours?”
Yuffie wasn’t looking at him, so she didn’t catch the flashes of hurt, shame, and confusion that crossed his face. I don’t have a name now, do I? I can’t be Riku...
He stayed silent, and though she cast a few glances over her shoulder at him, she didn’t push. Maybe she’s going to leave that to someone else...? He was somewhat familiar with the concept of good-cop bad-cop - Larxene and Marluxia had certainly used it enough. So that’d make Yuffie the ‘good cop.’
She led him past at least a dozen more watchtowers while he was lost in thought. He was drawn back to reality when the landscape changed: in front of them, there was suddenly a body of water, like the lake he had bathed in last night, only larger.
Bobbing in the water were several skiffs, and when he spotted the small wooden boats, the replica’s eyes clouded over. His chest hurt, throbbing. Yuffie was tugging him over to the boats, and he followed her without a word, without a thought. He was lost in memory.
(He was rowing his own little dinghy, a present from his parents and only a week old at that, behind Selphie’s.)
Yuffie pulled him into one of the skiffs when he didn’t immediately get in on his own; she frowned but took the oars and started to row.
(Eyes locked, not on the unexplored, exciting, new island they were heading for, but on her flipped-out hair.)
Talking, Yuffie was talking, saying something that might have been worried or might have been important, but he couldn’t concentrate on listening, couldn’t focus on her voice.
(Remembering, briefly, that someone else had had such different hair, much lighter and not styled like Selphie’s.)
She waved a hand in front of his face, palm, fingers, heel moving in front of his eyes to get his attention, but he didn’t, couldn’t, even track its movements he was so, so close to something.
(Her name, her name, what had her name been? He had known it, once, and she was important, so very important to him, he couldn’t have forgotten her name.)
His body was being shaken, hands on his shoulders, oars and rowing abandoned, but he wasn’t even breathing anymore, eyes fixed firmly on the past.
(Na... Nami... Her name was Namin-)
He snapped into reality.
His eyes focused suddenly, meeting Yuffie’s. He panted for breath, lungs tight from lack of it. He shook, clutching at the edges of the boat for support. His chest ached, not just his lungs but his heart.
“You okay?” Yuffie asked when his breath was steady and he was sitting up straight again. He nodded, but she didn’t look convinced.
“What just happened?”
“I...don’t know,” he admitted, brows furrowing.
She frowned, but nodded. “Well, maybe Leon or Merlin can help you out with that. We’re almost there.”
The replica shrugged. “Maybe they can...” He sounded skeptical, and he knew it.
The only person who could really help him was the same person who had made it a problem in the first place. She had put his fake memories together, constructing a past of pretty lies for him to live in for a day, and then she had ripped them all apart.
Naminé. But even she said she couldn’t fix me...
Whoever Merlin and Leon were, the replica doubted they could actually help. It’ll be platitudes and questions, I’ll bet.
He sighed; there was nothing he could do about that, except try to stave it off. If I play my cards right, I can make new memories here. Then, the other ones won’t matter. For a moment, he dared to hope that, but then he squashed the hope. I don’t know them. They may be no better than the Organization... And, if that’s the case, I’ll leave. I’ll find somewhere better.
He grinned. That would work; that would work. He could just wander the universe until he found a nice world, with decent people on it. Surely there was at least one of those out there in the big night sky.
The boat suddenly bumped against rock and Yuffie nudged him. “Hey, no more daydreaming. We have to walk now, but it’s not much farther from here.” She paused. “Oh, and if you spot anything black with yellow eyes, tell me, okay?”
He nodded, and together they made their way down a path. He smiled to himself. He could do this. This would work.
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