(no subject)
so here's the deal.. I don't even really remember who my friends are on here and could care less if you read this and more than likely even less about what you have to say. I just need to get this out of my mind so I can sleep. I have an 8 o'clock class.
I am beyond frustrated right now. I've been in lexington for almost 2 months or something and feel like I just can't get it right.
I miss having constants in my life. two of my best friends are at their school with their friends and it's hard to feel like a part of their lives right now. and my third is in a different stage than he was when I left and I can't even begin to understand what he's having to deal with.
I miss feeling loved and important. I've always been the it girl I guess, everywhere I went, I felt like pretty much everyone knew me and no one really hated me that I knew of and now I am a no one. Which I wouldn't feel terrible about because I've always been good at making friends, but having to force friendships is completely different. Everyone has their friends here. As freshmen they came to school with them and everyone else has their group of friends and a lot of times it seems like they want to hang out or be friends or whatever, but when it comes down to it, they forget.. because I mean, they're going to the party.. but they already have people to go with.
and I think this will all get better, hoping anyway, but I don't understand.
my mind is reverting back to junior year.. in the way that I feel about myself
I have no idea what I want to do with my life anymore, either. I've always been the one that had the plan. The english teacher, the coach, the summer missions, but it all fell apart at my feet. I can't write 3 papers a week for the next 5 years and proceed to enjoy grading more of them.
I just want to cry, but I don't let people see me cry, so where am I supposed to go. Soccer and working out don't cut it anymore.
I want to feel someone care about me
I want to say "I love you" to someone other than my mom and mean it
I want to love this place as much as I say I do
I am beyond frustrated right now. I've been in lexington for almost 2 months or something and feel like I just can't get it right.
I miss having constants in my life. two of my best friends are at their school with their friends and it's hard to feel like a part of their lives right now. and my third is in a different stage than he was when I left and I can't even begin to understand what he's having to deal with.
I miss feeling loved and important. I've always been the it girl I guess, everywhere I went, I felt like pretty much everyone knew me and no one really hated me that I knew of and now I am a no one. Which I wouldn't feel terrible about because I've always been good at making friends, but having to force friendships is completely different. Everyone has their friends here. As freshmen they came to school with them and everyone else has their group of friends and a lot of times it seems like they want to hang out or be friends or whatever, but when it comes down to it, they forget.. because I mean, they're going to the party.. but they already have people to go with.
and I think this will all get better, hoping anyway, but I don't understand.
my mind is reverting back to junior year.. in the way that I feel about myself
I have no idea what I want to do with my life anymore, either. I've always been the one that had the plan. The english teacher, the coach, the summer missions, but it all fell apart at my feet. I can't write 3 papers a week for the next 5 years and proceed to enjoy grading more of them.
I just want to cry, but I don't let people see me cry, so where am I supposed to go. Soccer and working out don't cut it anymore.
I want to feel someone care about me
I want to say "I love you" to someone other than my mom and mean it
I want to love this place as much as I say I do