An Essay On A Particular Lifestyle Obsession
While preparing the contents of a can of corn for consumption this evening, I reflected on the fact that I could not place the time or location of the purchase of said can. As i began to ponder this the prospect of retrieving the empty husk that once housed the corn from our garbage became less and less appealing. I determined that I had no desire to either place any part of my body near our garbage nor to actually examine the date on which this can of corn might or might NOT have expired, so I did what all great minds do when asked a hard question, I changed the subject.
"Why?" I asked myself aloud. I often ask questions of myself aloud, this tends to alleviate the surprise I feel when I answer my own questions, also aloud. However i must aplogize, no monologues tonight. The question was posed in regards as to why I am eating a can of corn, of indeterminable age, with out any other side dishes or even, dare i say it, a main course. In truth i am eating this corn out of a Tupperware container that, from the slight odor, once housed fish. The reason for this incogrous meal is simple, a rather sharp lack of funds. Another way it could be put is that i am, indeed, TERRIBLY poor.
I previously viewed being poor as a negative, indeed something to strive AGAINST! But now, tonight, this moment even, i see the error of my ways. Being poor is not bad. Allow me to explain.
If any one were to ask me what my plans for tonight are i always have a ready answer, nothing! I need never divide my time equitably between friends because i never have the money to spend time with any of them. I shall never be concerned with trends or what ever new style of clothing has taken young girls fancies (not that i am a young girl, rather quite the opposite but one must be considerate of ones audience).
I shall never have need of a Fondue pot or it's various sundries.
I shall never have to find a trusted friend to house sit as i travel abroad, not that any of my friends could be trusted (i mean, they are friends of mine after all). I shall never have to concern myself with the Dow Jones Industrial Market Average. I shall never have to pay a parking ticket (or at least I'll stop thinking about it after i "round file" it.) I will never have the thought 'what car DEFINES me as a MAN'.
I will never be in need of a 'Power Tie'.
Being poor frees me from concerns of making a social fau paux, indeed i will never feel awkward in any social situations because i won't be attending any. The lack of expendable cash leaves me free from drugs of all kinds; I will never need to worry about conflicting prescriptions nor about being put upon by the 'Man'.
I will never have to clean my apartment, no one but me will see it.
I will never have to be concerned with 'safe sex' as i will be able to afford neither a safe or sex.
When your yearly salary is less than one percent of the monthly Federal Fund for Duck Rehabilitation you need not be concerned with exactly what it is that these ducks suffer from. In fact you may even sympathize more directly with ducks in general when you, like I, begin to be great full for cans of corn of indeterminable age and quality.
I have never had the thought "hmm, what should i buy now".
I have truly learned the value of repeatable entertainment. To purchase a single movie is to have several nights, possibly even a full week of viewing until one has mastered the intracasies of the dialogue and is able to repeat them without the aid of the original material. Also the amusement one can get from the creative use a few household items is quite high. One idea that comes to mind is the careful placement of reflective objects and the use of a flash light to blind room-mates, pets and any possible intruders.
I also have much more free time than one might think, indeed TOO much free time. I now know the exact number of times that the letter "E" appears on literature posted on our wall (though i won't tell you so as not to spoil your own fun if you ever come to visit).
I literally know boots front to back AND back to front and always read books from cover to cover (i think that whomever writes the copyright info needs to be taken down a peg, s/he seems a little snooty).
I have named each of my toes and established back stories for them (Frank is gay).
I know the exact level of ink in each of my pens and it's relative quality (in reference to one another, of course none of them are of any ACTUAL quality).
Despite all of these attractive reasons to be poor (though i feel that the term does not describe the depth of richness i feel in the unique habits that i posses, maybe the term should be "lack of significant monetary endorsement" rather than "being poor") i must warn those of you that are considering adopting the lack of significant monetary endorsement lifestyle, you must like corn.
E. A. Hungerford
"Why?" I asked myself aloud. I often ask questions of myself aloud, this tends to alleviate the surprise I feel when I answer my own questions, also aloud. However i must aplogize, no monologues tonight. The question was posed in regards as to why I am eating a can of corn, of indeterminable age, with out any other side dishes or even, dare i say it, a main course. In truth i am eating this corn out of a Tupperware container that, from the slight odor, once housed fish. The reason for this incogrous meal is simple, a rather sharp lack of funds. Another way it could be put is that i am, indeed, TERRIBLY poor.
I previously viewed being poor as a negative, indeed something to strive AGAINST! But now, tonight, this moment even, i see the error of my ways. Being poor is not bad. Allow me to explain.
If any one were to ask me what my plans for tonight are i always have a ready answer, nothing! I need never divide my time equitably between friends because i never have the money to spend time with any of them. I shall never be concerned with trends or what ever new style of clothing has taken young girls fancies (not that i am a young girl, rather quite the opposite but one must be considerate of ones audience).
I shall never have need of a Fondue pot or it's various sundries.
I shall never have to find a trusted friend to house sit as i travel abroad, not that any of my friends could be trusted (i mean, they are friends of mine after all). I shall never have to concern myself with the Dow Jones Industrial Market Average. I shall never have to pay a parking ticket (or at least I'll stop thinking about it after i "round file" it.) I will never have the thought 'what car DEFINES me as a MAN'.
I will never be in need of a 'Power Tie'.
Being poor frees me from concerns of making a social fau paux, indeed i will never feel awkward in any social situations because i won't be attending any. The lack of expendable cash leaves me free from drugs of all kinds; I will never need to worry about conflicting prescriptions nor about being put upon by the 'Man'.
I will never have to clean my apartment, no one but me will see it.
I will never have to be concerned with 'safe sex' as i will be able to afford neither a safe or sex.
When your yearly salary is less than one percent of the monthly Federal Fund for Duck Rehabilitation you need not be concerned with exactly what it is that these ducks suffer from. In fact you may even sympathize more directly with ducks in general when you, like I, begin to be great full for cans of corn of indeterminable age and quality.
I have never had the thought "hmm, what should i buy now".
I have truly learned the value of repeatable entertainment. To purchase a single movie is to have several nights, possibly even a full week of viewing until one has mastered the intracasies of the dialogue and is able to repeat them without the aid of the original material. Also the amusement one can get from the creative use a few household items is quite high. One idea that comes to mind is the careful placement of reflective objects and the use of a flash light to blind room-mates, pets and any possible intruders.
I also have much more free time than one might think, indeed TOO much free time. I now know the exact number of times that the letter "E" appears on literature posted on our wall (though i won't tell you so as not to spoil your own fun if you ever come to visit).
I literally know boots front to back AND back to front and always read books from cover to cover (i think that whomever writes the copyright info needs to be taken down a peg, s/he seems a little snooty).
I have named each of my toes and established back stories for them (Frank is gay).
I know the exact level of ink in each of my pens and it's relative quality (in reference to one another, of course none of them are of any ACTUAL quality).
Despite all of these attractive reasons to be poor (though i feel that the term does not describe the depth of richness i feel in the unique habits that i posses, maybe the term should be "lack of significant monetary endorsement" rather than "being poor") i must warn those of you that are considering adopting the lack of significant monetary endorsement lifestyle, you must like corn.
E. A. Hungerford