I do not like it
So, I haven't posted in a really long time. Unfortunately, my first post in a long time is going to be a post in which I am not happy. Sorry. =( Since I last posted, I've graduated from college. Which means I'm now looking for a job. And I hate looking for jobs more than just about anything in the world.
There are various reasons why I hate this, and why I find it so difficult right now.
1. Everything in my experience has led me to despise the corporate world and the attitudes prevalent in it.
2. I wanted to do the JET program, but they didn't want me. But now Priss is going, and I kinda wanted to go to Japan too. But I don't think I'm really suited to any of the other things like Nova, which are mostly conversation classes. You might think "What could be easier than a job where you just have English conversations with people?", but the fact is that I'm terrible at having conversations even with people I know and like.
3. I don't have any experience in any field I would want to get a job in. I've only had 4 jobs in my life: a grocery store, a fast food place, a Christmas tree farm, and an auto repair place. None of these jobs involved any real skill or knowledge. I never had an internship, partially because I was abroad for the summer in which I would have been most likely to have done that. So, I don't even have anything relevant to put in the experience section of a resume.
4. I feel inadequately prepared for any computer science related job. W&M didn't offer any classes in more up-to-date skills and programming technologies. It all seemed to be just generic programming techniques, all in a Linux environment, of course. Not like any company actually wants people who know how to make a Windows application or anything. Every job I look at seems to want someone with experience with like 5 technologies I've never used.
5. I really have no one I can list as a reference for such jobs. I avoided speaking with professors outside of class, because I generally felt like I wasn't up to their standards somehow and that made me uncomfortable. So no one in the CS department really knows me, and I feel like those who even know who I am would not really want to recommend me in any way because, while I got my projects and work done for the most part, and usually got decent grades, I still felt like I was always just getting by with the least I could do. It's a different department, but DiNitto-sensei made it clear to me that she wouldn't recommend me for anything, despite the fact that I consistently got A's in Japanese and did a semester abroad and everything (by the way, I hate her, for that and for screwing over my plans for a Japanese minor).
6. I didn't talk to Career Services or do anything they offered all year because the thought of job hunting was frightening and more stress than I wanted to deal with at the time (though I always said I'd get around to going to one of the things, I never did) and now I want to even less because they'd say "Well why didn't you come talk to us during the year? A bit late don't you think?".
7. The way I'm feeling right now and the way I've dealt with things all through college is making me feel like I'm not the kind of person any company would want even if I did have the necessary skills.
8. All of this leads to a crushing sort of fear/stress that makes me just want to curl up and die sometimes, or at least just go back to sleep.
There's more I'm sure, but that's the gist of it. Ugh.
There are various reasons why I hate this, and why I find it so difficult right now.
1. Everything in my experience has led me to despise the corporate world and the attitudes prevalent in it.
2. I wanted to do the JET program, but they didn't want me. But now Priss is going, and I kinda wanted to go to Japan too. But I don't think I'm really suited to any of the other things like Nova, which are mostly conversation classes. You might think "What could be easier than a job where you just have English conversations with people?", but the fact is that I'm terrible at having conversations even with people I know and like.
3. I don't have any experience in any field I would want to get a job in. I've only had 4 jobs in my life: a grocery store, a fast food place, a Christmas tree farm, and an auto repair place. None of these jobs involved any real skill or knowledge. I never had an internship, partially because I was abroad for the summer in which I would have been most likely to have done that. So, I don't even have anything relevant to put in the experience section of a resume.
4. I feel inadequately prepared for any computer science related job. W&M didn't offer any classes in more up-to-date skills and programming technologies. It all seemed to be just generic programming techniques, all in a Linux environment, of course. Not like any company actually wants people who know how to make a Windows application or anything. Every job I look at seems to want someone with experience with like 5 technologies I've never used.
5. I really have no one I can list as a reference for such jobs. I avoided speaking with professors outside of class, because I generally felt like I wasn't up to their standards somehow and that made me uncomfortable. So no one in the CS department really knows me, and I feel like those who even know who I am would not really want to recommend me in any way because, while I got my projects and work done for the most part, and usually got decent grades, I still felt like I was always just getting by with the least I could do. It's a different department, but DiNitto-sensei made it clear to me that she wouldn't recommend me for anything, despite the fact that I consistently got A's in Japanese and did a semester abroad and everything (by the way, I hate her, for that and for screwing over my plans for a Japanese minor).
6. I didn't talk to Career Services or do anything they offered all year because the thought of job hunting was frightening and more stress than I wanted to deal with at the time (though I always said I'd get around to going to one of the things, I never did) and now I want to even less because they'd say "Well why didn't you come talk to us during the year? A bit late don't you think?".
7. The way I'm feeling right now and the way I've dealt with things all through college is making me feel like I'm not the kind of person any company would want even if I did have the necessary skills.
8. All of this leads to a crushing sort of fear/stress that makes me just want to curl up and die sometimes, or at least just go back to sleep.
There's more I'm sure, but that's the gist of it. Ugh.