Pen to Paper with smokeytreats...............

[rev_calibos]

I've had the first REAL cup of coffee I've had in a grip and I feel f'ing awesome, if a bit jittery. Why can't I accomplish shit without a smoke and some caffiene? Am I that addicted to these substances that I can't function without it? I just got a carton of Newports and a few packets of folgers. I can't explain the satisfied feeling it brings to have a full shelf of cigs and java. For the next few weeks I'll have the 'fuel' I'll need to get to work. I sit and fidget with ideas, playing with words as I rip them from my brain and let them bleed and dry on the paper. Writing for me is almost a visceral experience, my hands refuse to do what my brain commands. I'm having difficulty starting my grand opus, even my short stories have suffered from lack of attention on my part. Everything I need to do I can accomplish here in this pit, there's precious little else to do, I should be relishing the time I have to work these projects instead of being paralyzed by the freedom. That's what it is really, I have all these nifty plans, grand ambitions, but do I have the fucking will to complete what I must? I cuss out Shawn and Melanie all the time for their 'apparent lack of progress', I need to focus on my own projects before I lash out at those knuckleheads. Today was a relatively peaceful day, we have a briefing tomorrow re: whoknowswhat but I'm sure it will be dreadfully boring at that.
Hopefully my GP will be on today, I miss our little chats. all in all, not a bad day, one more mark on the wall as we put Nov. to rest and get ready to grind out Dec. Merry f'ing X-mas