Though my mind's at peace the world's out of order.
The Internet is pretty much going nowhere as far as the job search goes. Don't get me wrong there is plenty of work out there, but without a car Craigslist is fairly useless. For instance I'd love to take this job as a whitewater river guide, but have no way of getting to the sites. Yes blaming my lack of a (running) car is rather a silly excuse, I know that. Unfortunately I thought it was Monday rather than Tuesday and thus didn't call Dr. White as planned, but tomorrow should work just as well so long as she can be caught with a moment to talk. Yeah trying to get someone who is often busy and hard to catch to act as a reference does sound rather foolish. Thing is if I'm going to be serious about this Americorps thing then I need a solid reference like her. Not sure whether to ask if she can be a reference for regular work searching, might stick with Randy, Donny, and J-mE. Once my resume is finally completly back in order I'm thinking of combing the local (renton) area for work yet again. Haven't really been out around here lately between the weather, Oly trips, out of order resume, lack of money, and lack of interest in Renton's goings on. Honestly I'm back to the point of being disgusted with the place, plus it seems many of my local friends are bailling town in different directions over the next few months.
"So wash your paws Alley Cat
once you're dead you can't come back
Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow"
It doesn't help that damn near everyone is depressing wherever I end up. It seems like everyone around Renton has hit this static point in their lives, except J-mE. Static characters make me sad, and it feels like I've almost become one sometimes. I know this isn't really true, I'm still changing and evolving but it's almost entirely internal. Not that internal change is any less valid than physical, it's just a little harder to quantify and explain.
If things go how it looks like the will and my support network continues to unravel then my primary reason for staying here will dissapate as well. That leaves me with the option of heading to pretty much anywhere else. I mean if most of your friends move away what difference does it make where you are? Over the course of high school and the years following I've grown to rely on the support of a group of friends in a way that was never reall available when I was a kid. Now the idea of not having that constant access to human interaction is scary. I'm terryfied of going out alone in the world and trying to make my way. Mostly because I know exactly what will happen, I'll go somewhere and maybe find work after a long, depressing quest. Find some shitty apartment and spend my time working, playing video games, being depressed, and would probably end up either a junkie, drunk, or suicide. That's no way to go. So instead of chancing that I keep not pushing myself. Worrying about failure is keeping me from even getting started. Smoldering is just as foul a death as burn-out. Perhaps I really do need outside help. I've been pondering signing up for this clinical depression study. It doesn't pay anything but all study related medication is free and they'll give me money for transportation fees, most likely in the form of bus tickets.
Damn, out of tea. Speaking of tea, there's another job that could be good if I could get there. A kent based tea shop just opened a new store in crossroads. Both have positions open, but are a pain to get to. From the Highlands It's two busses to either location and between forty min and an hour. My knowledge of tradition chinese tea making tradition is rather lax as well. Recently discovered I own a decent tea ball too so I might start making my own herbal blends when things start working out in life and I can afford to. Would make a good gift to people as well.
"So wash your paws Alley Cat
once you're dead you can't come back
Meow meow meow meow meow meow Meow"
It doesn't help that damn near everyone is depressing wherever I end up. It seems like everyone around Renton has hit this static point in their lives, except J-mE. Static characters make me sad, and it feels like I've almost become one sometimes. I know this isn't really true, I'm still changing and evolving but it's almost entirely internal. Not that internal change is any less valid than physical, it's just a little harder to quantify and explain.
If things go how it looks like the will and my support network continues to unravel then my primary reason for staying here will dissapate as well. That leaves me with the option of heading to pretty much anywhere else. I mean if most of your friends move away what difference does it make where you are? Over the course of high school and the years following I've grown to rely on the support of a group of friends in a way that was never reall available when I was a kid. Now the idea of not having that constant access to human interaction is scary. I'm terryfied of going out alone in the world and trying to make my way. Mostly because I know exactly what will happen, I'll go somewhere and maybe find work after a long, depressing quest. Find some shitty apartment and spend my time working, playing video games, being depressed, and would probably end up either a junkie, drunk, or suicide. That's no way to go. So instead of chancing that I keep not pushing myself. Worrying about failure is keeping me from even getting started. Smoldering is just as foul a death as burn-out. Perhaps I really do need outside help. I've been pondering signing up for this clinical depression study. It doesn't pay anything but all study related medication is free and they'll give me money for transportation fees, most likely in the form of bus tickets.
Damn, out of tea. Speaking of tea, there's another job that could be good if I could get there. A kent based tea shop just opened a new store in crossroads. Both have positions open, but are a pain to get to. From the Highlands It's two busses to either location and between forty min and an hour. My knowledge of tradition chinese tea making tradition is rather lax as well. Recently discovered I own a decent tea ball too so I might start making my own herbal blends when things start working out in life and I can afford to. Would make a good gift to people as well.