Barefoot Day Eleven
At breakfast, Mrs. Potter notes that Sirius is “filling out.” The Marauders all share a look and Lily urges Sirius to fess up with a significant eyebrow wiggle. Sirius sighs and abandons his baked beans.
“Mr. Potter, in your many years of Healing-“
“72, my lad! A long, healthy number!”
“Er, yes, well, in 72 years, have you ever seen a pregnant bloke before?”
Mr. Potter grins and sips his coffee. “Why, yes. It’s not common, of course, but entirely possible. As you all know, magic makes us all capable of doing unusual things-“
He stops talking because Mrs. Potter has dropped her fork rather dramatically. Mr. Potter jumps to his feet.
“Darling! My peach-apple-crumble! Are you all right? Are you having a stroke? Which side hurts? Can you breathe?” he rambles off and she hits him with her napkin.
He, having established that his life mate is not dying, changes tactics. He cranes his neck and stretches to his tiptoes to look out the far window that her seat faces.
“Where is it, darling? Is it a Feather-Coated Swallow? Or a Poached Brown Sparrow?” he asks, bubbling with excitement.
“Mr. Potter,” she snaps, still refusing to call her husband by his given name in front of children, “sit down this instance! Your son is pregnant!”
Mr. Potter freezes and rounds on James.
“Son,” he whispers, tenderly, “I always knew you were a gentle boy.”
James sputters, eggs falling out of his open mouth onto his lap.
“Gross, Potter,” Lily grumbles, pushing her breakfast away.
“No, Mr. Potter,” Mrs. Potter snaps, “Sirius, you idiot. Sirius is pregnant! He’s the gay one!”
Mr. Potter shakes himself and turns to Sirius.
“Is this true, son?”
Sirius blushes a little.
“Yes, sir.”
Mr. Potter nods slowly and sits back down into his chair. He looks at the others and clears his throat.
“You lot go upstairs.”
Remus reaches out and takes Sirius’s hand. James tenses in preparation of his parent’s reaction to this outing. Mr. Potter just lifts an eyebrow and Mrs. Potter actually coos.
“Aww, they’re so cute! They look like puppies! Oh! It’s puppy love!” she squeals.
Sirius and Remus both retreat in their chairs. Lily grimaces and Peter makes gagging noises. James rolls his eyes.
“Right, well,” Mr. Potter looks to the others, “you all go away.”
Sirius shakes his head no. “They’re in this too, sir. I’d like them to stay.”
Mr. Potter sighs and then nods his assent.
“Right well,” he says again, “Remus is it safe to assume that… Sirius’s predicament… is your doing, young man?”
Remus’s cheeks flush slightly.
“Yes, sir. I wasn’t aware that it was possible-“
Mr. Potter glares, “Just like your generation of young men. Never think of the consequences of their actions, running around screwing anything on legs-“
“Ugh, Dad,” James interrupts, “Remus and Sirius just rubbed elbows.”
Mr. Potter stops his spiel and his mouth open and closes repeatedly. He continues this fishlike movement for several minutes before finally settling on, “What?!”
Mrs. Potter drops her head into her hands before grabbing her husband by the wrist and dragging him out of the room to consult his medical journals. The Marauders and Lily sit silently at the table waiting for the elder Potters to return.
When they do, Mr. Potter is apologetic.
“Well, I finally understand Mr. Lupin’s nickname. ‘Moony,’ indeed!”
Sirius nearly comes out of his chair, “You can’t tell! It’s not safe! Please, they’ll make him leave school and they’re already going to make me quit and one of use needs to know how to read otherwise our kids will be illiterate and have to live in a box selling those homeless Muggle magazines and they won’t even be able to read because somebody else found out about his furry little problem and please don’t tell!--- oh, please don’t tell,” Sirius wails, tears suddenly running down his cheeks.
Mrs. Potter comes around the table and hugs him to her.
“There, there, my sweet. Don’t worry, your children won’t have to sell The Big Issue, all right?” she coos and he sobs into her shirt.
Lily pours herself some more orange juice and looks straight at Mr. Potter, “Why is Sirius just now acting pregnant?”
Mr. Potter scratches his mustache. “Even with years and years of training and experience, I haven’t a clue. But I’m sure you lot, whom are not even of age, will figure it out in about fifteen minutes of looking in some really old, dusty books that we just happen to have in our attic.”
Lily smiles, “I’ll go hunt for them in a little while.”
Mr. Potter nods and smiles at his wife. Sirius pulls his face back, his tears drying.
“You know, I haven’t midwived in years. This will be a welcome adventure!” Mr. Potter exclaims.
Sirius panics and his face whitens. Remus touches his knee reassuringly and turns to question Mr. Potter.
“Will you be alright with this?”
Mr. Potter brightens and adds more sugar to his coffee, “Oh, surely lad! I’m a professional, after all!”
Remus nods and offers a tight smile to Sirius. Neither looks entirely convinced.
Mrs. Potter clicks her tongue before lifting her wand and pointing it down the hallway. There is a small thunk and then a battered box floats down the hallway and settles on the table. She opens the lid and a musty smell fills the room. Peter, Remus, Lily, James, and Sirius all lean forward to look to see what treasures the box hold.
“I’m sure you boys have thought about your future after this baby is born?” she asks carefully.
Remus shifts awkwardly in his chair and Sirius stares at his middle.
“I suppose I’ll get a job, since I won’t be let back in school,” Sirius whispers. “And I guess I’ll have to sell my bike.”
“Well, I agree with the bike portion,” Mrs. Potter says sharply, “but I do not want you to quit school.”
Sirius is quick to reply, “I don’t have a choice! Pregnant students are not welcome at Hogwarts!”
“That, sir, is absolutely not true,” Mrs. Potter retorts. “Unmarried, pregnant students are not welcome at Hogwarts.”
She shoves a photograph a young wizarding couple snogging their vows into existence on a green hillside in front of them.
“Have you lads ever given any thought to such a topic?” she questions in a your-mother-knows-best sort of way.
Remus’s eyebrows are in his hairline. Sirius just stares at her face, his entire forehead rowed in folds of winkles. Lily, James, and Peter sneak out of the kitchen in search of the musty tombs hidden in the attic and to avoid this strange matchmaking.
“But,” Remus says carefully, “gay men aren’t allowed to marry.”
“Oh, pish,” she replies, waving her hand at him, “here in the Wizarding world we pay no heed to their stupid biases and create entirely new ones. Therefore, you can get married here with all the pomp and silliness your heart desires and no one will care.”
“But,” Sirius interjects, “gay men are murdered and ostracized regularly in the culture of the 1970’s!”
Mrs. Potter glares at him, as if the discussion is closed.
Sirius tries a new tactic, “And we’re not of age.”
“Oh, pish,” Mrs. Potter repeats, “if we’re ignoring a very real and dramatic hatred in this world toward people and those they love, then we clearly aren’t going to let your underaged-ness hinder this plan now are we? I mean, honestly, if I were a normal human I would object immediately, but your current situation has pushed me to the outer limits of ‘normal.’ Plus, you’re so cute together, you deserve to get married.”
Sirius stares at Remus. His confusion is mirrored on Remus’s face.
Title: Flight of Fancy
Author: rev02a
Rating: PG
Warnings: Cursing. Wedded Bliss.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine.
Prompt: Photo