(no subject)
It's sad who people who honestly used to care about you can throw you away like trash.
Am I really trash? Or am I the one who threw them away because they're trash?
I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm a sweet caring person. I'm not really the biggest social light but I try.
It just felt like for once everything was going so right I had a job, a boyfriend, was in college, had my own apartment with my two "best" friends, and I finally got kittens.
Then a year passed and everything literally went from the highest highs back to the lowest low.
I feel like a fucking microscopic piece of shit in the fucking deepest part of the sewer.
Do people purposely avoid me now? Do they hate me?
Now I just get deal with a mountain of stress and loneliness.
I need to find my place again. I need to really see what is good for me and what's harming me.
And I honestly love Tim more than most people will love anyone in their lives. I don't think people who are single don't understand how he's like my other half. I'm not the same without him I feel lost. But at the sametime I feel like he couldn't possibly have the same feelings for me. And that I'm going to be tossed out like trash by the only person who wants to see me. It's scary to think that without Tim I'm just a fucking loser with a shitty apartment and a shitty job and a shitty life.
It's hard for me to make friends. I literally have a mental block when it comes to hanging out with new people. But if my people from my past don't care about me then I don't give five shits about you and you're fake lifestyle. Everyone that ive ever been good friends with has always been fake and have used me. I even feel fake I feel like life itself has sucked the outgoingness and humor out of me. I feel like my soul is ten thousand times older than I will ever be. My bones literally feel brittle and my skin feels translucent.
I tell myself that partying isn't what life is about because it really isn't. But it hurts when no one wants to party with you. It hurts when no one wants to be my friend. But nobody cares about other people's feelings because this life is full of plastic people who want plastic things to add to their plastic reality.
Am I really trash? Or am I the one who threw them away because they're trash?
I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm a sweet caring person. I'm not really the biggest social light but I try.
It just felt like for once everything was going so right I had a job, a boyfriend, was in college, had my own apartment with my two "best" friends, and I finally got kittens.
Then a year passed and everything literally went from the highest highs back to the lowest low.
I feel like a fucking microscopic piece of shit in the fucking deepest part of the sewer.
Do people purposely avoid me now? Do they hate me?
Now I just get deal with a mountain of stress and loneliness.
I need to find my place again. I need to really see what is good for me and what's harming me.
And I honestly love Tim more than most people will love anyone in their lives. I don't think people who are single don't understand how he's like my other half. I'm not the same without him I feel lost. But at the sametime I feel like he couldn't possibly have the same feelings for me. And that I'm going to be tossed out like trash by the only person who wants to see me. It's scary to think that without Tim I'm just a fucking loser with a shitty apartment and a shitty job and a shitty life.
It's hard for me to make friends. I literally have a mental block when it comes to hanging out with new people. But if my people from my past don't care about me then I don't give five shits about you and you're fake lifestyle. Everyone that ive ever been good friends with has always been fake and have used me. I even feel fake I feel like life itself has sucked the outgoingness and humor out of me. I feel like my soul is ten thousand times older than I will ever be. My bones literally feel brittle and my skin feels translucent.
I tell myself that partying isn't what life is about because it really isn't. But it hurts when no one wants to party with you. It hurts when no one wants to be my friend. But nobody cares about other people's feelings because this life is full of plastic people who want plastic things to add to their plastic reality.