Woah...
I finally have a good journal update....Well last night was the closest I have ever been to having an anxiety attack....So..i was at my friend amy's house who is in the rocky horror picture show...she told me that I had to go see it...so i figured it would be a new experience and i probably would never go to something like that so what the hell..ill go..it was at the movie theatre in city walk....so...we get there...and amy introduces us to some of the cast and tells them we(me and another one of amys friends) are "virgins"...which just means that we have never been to a live production of the film...well this gay guy heard this and said...ooooo...they are virgins...and starts clapping a very gay clap...I loooove virgins...dont worry ill be gentle...me and the kid are just like...ummm...ok...and then he goes to amy....they are straight arent they?...she goes yea...he goes...dammit....thats ok I love fucking straight boys...keep in mind this all happened within 45 seconds of meeting this kid..and our entire impression of the show all together....the director goes...oh yea..they are gona love you guys...we are like...great...so anyways..me and her friend chill outside for a lil before we are let into the place...we go in...the show starts...they do a weeding out process to see who the virgins are..there were about 20 or so...of course me and the kid dont participate...in the devirgin ceremony...so we are still sitting down in our seats...but our friend amy ratted us out...so some giant gay guy in a green wig comes up to get us down and asks us trivia about the show....we get it wrong..and the crowd pressures us onto stage....so me and him are on stage...there is some black guy standing between us...I was like...so what are you doing here..he was like...maaaan...i thought this was a movie...my friends brought me...i thought that was hilarious..but anyways...the make us take some pledge..with one hand on out heart...and the other down our parts...about this show...and being bry-sexual..whatever the hell that is...so...the pledge is done...and the gay guy from outside..picks 5 people out of the virgins to stay on stage..and lets everyone else go...he pics me...my other friend up there was off the hook...he got to go sit down...so...now...he says that everone on stage has to fake an orgasm into the mic....i was the last person up there...my heart rate was pacing..and I was soooo embarassed...this kid is going downt he line...everyone is faking their orgasm..he pretends to blow some other guy who is up there while he fakes an orgasm...and i was thinking holy shit....i kinda made my mind leave my body at this point because i was so uncomfortable....so he finally gets down to me...and he says..whats your name...i say matt...he makes some jokes about me being butch...and having a truck...then it comes the time for me to fake an orgasm...i really wanted to fake an orgasm into the mic...but all i could do was laugh because i was soooo uncomfortable....and i was like...I'm sorry but im too shy....crowd says "awwwww"...gay guy yells..intervention...3 girls come up and start humping me...he holds the mic up to me again...i say..this doesnt make me any less shy...he makes a joke..the girls tell me i offended them....and he pushes me off stage...thank god...i got to go sit down....this was the most ackward exp. of my entire life...although some good came of it..the lead girl said i was adorable...i got to speak with her briefly after the show..but my anxiety level was still through the roof...i came off as very nervous im sure...but my heart rate didnt calm down for the entire 2 hour show...it was probably my most embarassing moment of my entire life...not even embarassing...ackward..uncomfortable... oh and I got hit on by alot of gay guys...some guy you like..your hot through a megaphone right into my face..i was like..thankyou very very very weird...i dont even know how to react..or what to think about the whole thing at this point...im still stressed out over the entire experience...but I did learn to hate gay people....so that is what is important....