fic: when we meet on a cloud (part 2)
part i
Zayn is freaking out. He's got his chin cupped in his hand, face turned towards the window, and his heart threatening to leap out of his chest. He's keenly aware of Liam sitting a few feet away. Liam has been mumbling reassurances into his phone for the past fifteen minutes, no doubt trying to convince everyone in the world and their mum that he's fine.
(It's Harry who calls first in hysterics. Zayn can hear his voice even from where he's sat spewing words like 'kidnapping' and 'ransom' and 'creep' and is tempted to reach into the mobile and deck him. If Louis wants to date him, he better do it somewhere far from Zayn - like Antartica.
'Harry, Haz,' Liam interrupts sharply, shooting Zayn a penitent glance. 'I'm alright, stop worrying. Are you okay? Wait, what? Really? Oh Hazza, you massive dolt.'
Curiosity piqued, Zayn mouths, 'What?'
Liam mouths back, 'He kissed Louis and then punched him - What? No, no, you don't have to - um, wait a mo - Zayn?'
Zayn tilts his head.
'Where are we going?'
Shit. Zayn's eyes widen. 'My flat.' He bites his lower lip. 'It was the first thing that came to my mind. I can drop you off here if you want. Or - or wherever you want.'
Liam holds his gaze as he tells Harry in a soft voice, 'Don't bother with the car, Harry. I'll be fine.')
They are five minutes from his flat and Zayn is frantically trying to recall if he did the washing up (he's picturing a tower of dirty dishes on the sink). Did he bin the takeaway boxes or leave them scattered on the lounge? What about his laundry? He usually just drops his pants wherever. Zayn mentally slaps himself. There is no reason for Liam to enter his bedroom. None at all. Unless Zayn is a good host and offers Liam his bed. Without Zayn in it. But if Liam asks -
'Hey,' Liam calls softly, hand touching Zayn's arm. His fingers are warm and Zayn's entire being focuses on those five points of contact.
He gives an inquisitive 'Hmm?' or risk blurting out all the thoughts in his head if he says anything more than that.
'I'm sorry about what happened, with the paps and shit,' Liam says, lowering his head so the shadows shift across his face, hiding his eyes. His grip tightens slightly. 'You didn't have to do any of that. Like, you've been so great and I got you chased out of your own pub. I'm so fucking sorry, Zayn.'
The only thing that comes to Zayn's mind is: You're so hot when you swear.
He covers Liam's hand with his, squeezing gently. He already hates the contrite, distressed look on Liam's face.
'Liam,' he says, angling down so he can meet Liam's eyes. Zayn's neck twinges but he ignores it. 'It's cool, yeah? I don't exactly regret saving you from the insane paparazzi. Seriously. They're sharks and you're the helpless seal. It was like watching The Animal Planet.'
A weak smile tugs on Liam's lips. 'It's worse in America. They hide in the bushes or climb over your car. Sometimes they even sneak into your hotel shower and decide to give you the scare of your life. The last one's the Room 132 Incident, by the way, and she turned out to be a fan posing as a reporter.'
Zayn wrinkles his nose, appalled. 'It's always worse in America.'
'But they've got all the sun,' Liam points out. 'Everyone loves the sun.'
'Skin cancer, Liam,' Zayn reminds him and Liam throws his head back and laughs.
The Number Of Times I Made Liam Payne Laugh: 12.
But their mirth quickly fades and a loaded silence takes over. Zayn's neck is screaming murder but he's trapped in Liam's hooded eyes, glimmering with affection. His own are wide and he can only guess what his face is revealing (hope, desire, longing) when they are jerked back to the here and now as the taxi stops.
'Either you propose or get out,' the cabbie says, supremely amused, looking over his shoulder at them. 'This is your stop, innit?'
Somehow Zayn's fingers have managed to squirm their way in between Liam's without his notice. He pulls back reluctantly and reaches for his wallet.
Liam stops him. 'I've got it, yeah?' He hands the cabbie a couple of crisp twenties.
Zayn hates when his date pays for him, only Liam isn't exactly his date. Still. 'You don't have to - '
'Zayn, I got you involved in my mess,' says Liam firmly. 'The least I can do is pay for the cab.'
Liam doesn't look like he'll budge an inch (and how hot is that?) and Zayn sighs, pushing open the door. 'You're too nice for your own good.'
The cabbie snorts derisively and pokes his head out the window. 'I like this lad better than that French one you went out with last year. Stick to home, lad, although you're going to break me little girl's heart if you're with this one.'
'Cabbies, worse than bartenders,' Zayn mutters as the cab drives away. He digs out his keys.
Liam looks around him with a faint smile. 'Might take his advice,' he remarks casually, sticking his hands into his pockets.
Zayn drops his keys. He fusses with them for a while, head down, as an excuse to hide his burning cheeks. He can feel Liam's gaze on him, making the hairs on his arms stand on end. A cold breeze eases the fire on his face as he unlocks the front door and steps inside.
There is no lift so they take the stairs, the hush from earlier returning but the tension growing tenfold. Zayn clenches and unclenches his hands. There are so many thoughts in his head he can barely keep up. The sound of Liam's footsteps slightly out of sync with Zayn's is loud in his ears.
They reach his door. The 12C tacked on is crooked and fading. Zayn's keys jangle noisily. With his hand on the handle, Zayn grimaces and warns, 'My flat's quite small, and the floor creaks, and um, it's rather messy right now. Not exactly the five-star accommodations you're used to.'
Liam brushes his hand on Zayn's shoulder fleetingly. 'It's fine, Zayn. If you want, I could go. I mean, I've imposed enough.'
Zayn huffs; as if he's going to let Liam leave now. He just needed to speak to lessen the anxiety in his belly since he doesn't know what will happen in the privacy of his flat.
'You'll be chased by the media again if I send you away, and I bet Harry will track me down and skin me alive,' Zayn says lightly, turning the knob.
When they're inside, Zayn flicks on the light and he breathes a soft sigh of relief when no takeaway cartons, soiled dishes, or dirty socks greet them.
Liam removes his trainers and pushes them to the side with his foot. He follows Zayn to the lounge obediently but his gaze flits around with blatant interest.
Zayn wonders what Liam thinks of the place. He knows Liam had grown up in a humbler environment than Zayn did but became famous (and rich) at the age of eighteen, so he must not have any experience with grotty flats and dodgy flatmates and worrying about the heater.
'I like it,' says Liam with a smile. 'Cosy.'
Zayn rolls his eyes. 'Stop being so nice, it's freaking me out. The flat's awful and the neighbours - '
'You slept with my boyfriend!'
'You stole mine first, you cunt!'
' - right on cue,' says Zayn wryly, 'are shamelessly loud. It's just terrible but it's home.'
Liam chuckles and crosses his arms. 'That's what I mean. It's got that lived-in feeling, you know? Mine's very bare and clinical. I usually kip over Harry's when I'm home. God, that's so cliché, right? But actually, Harry and I used to share a flat before realising we were better off on our own because we already spend most of our time with each other at work. Also, Harry's a neat freak and I like to make a mess once in a while.'
Zayn wants to know more. Everything.
He coughs and pads towards the kitchen. 'Do you want something to drink? Water?'
Liam shakes his head mutely and Zayn stops. Liam is staring at the floor, bottom lip caught between his teeth. Zayn grips the back of the sofa, feeling at a loss. He honestly has no idea what to say or do next, but he knows what he wants and if some higher power gives it to him, Zayn will be forever grateful. He'll even give to charity. Be less mean. Stop smoking. Recycle.
Take a chance, Zayn reminds himself. He squares his shoulders. 'Li - '
'I like you,' Liam blurts out, peering at Zayn with a tiny frown. 'A lot.'
Zayn gulps down the Fuck at the tip of his tongue. His heart knocks against his ribs in an attempt to offer itself to Liam, rattling him from corner to corner.
'But - '
Oh.
Liam scrubs his hands over his face. 'I fancy you like mad,' he repeats, and he really should stop because now it hurts Zayn to hear it, 'but my life is so crazy. I travel all the time and I'm rarely at home. I don't even get to see my family as much as I want to and I just know that if I start something with you, it will mean something. I can't explain why. Zayn,' he exhales, looking lonely and entreating, 'I'm sorry. Anything serious or even casual is out of the question right now and, and I don't date fans. It's the Golden Rule we - Haz and I - decided after what Danielle - ' Liam cuts himself off and his shoulders slump.
'I should have said so in the beginning and I kept meaning to tell you but then you'd say or do things that made me swallow my words. I've never felt so at ease with someone I haven't known my entire life before. You make me want to break all the rules. There's something about you, Zayn, and I want to. I've wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you, but I mustn't. I can't.'
Silence.
Zayn stares at Liam's sad, beautiful face for a long moment and then whispers, 'I have a spare toothbrush you can use. Let me go get it.'
He spins on his heel and flees to his bedroom. Zayn sags against the door and tips his head back. His vision is blurry. 'Fuck,' Zayn mumbles, digging his knuckles into his eyes, 'fucking hell.'
Of course Liam is right. He claims there's something special about Zayn but ultimately Zayn is just another fan. He's not worth enough to break the Golden Rule (he heard the capital letters) for, to convince Liam to try and take a chance like Zayn had - and look how well that's worked out for him.
All night Liam has been giving him encouraging signals and suddenly he takes them back? Fuck him, then, Zayn thinks angrily and thumps the back of his head to clear his thoughts.
Zayn's just another pathetic fan who won't say no to a one-time fuck with Liam Payne even now.
Sneering at himself, Zayn heads to the bathroom to get Liam his bloody toothbrush. He is halfway across the room when the door flings open without warning. Liam stands in the doorway, eyes focused on him.
Zayn stiffens, all too aware of his damp cheeks. Before he can even think of what to say, Liam stalks forward, cups his face, and kisses him.
Stunned, Zayn holds himself still until Liam softens the kiss and slides his tongue between Zayn's lips; they part almost instantly.
'Bugger my rules,' Liam tells him, nipping at Zayn's mouth in apology. 'I fancy you and I'd very much like to see where this goes.'
Zayn can't push him away because Zayn's an idiot, hands already twisting in the soft material of Liam's jumper to keep him in place, but he still grumbles out an annoyed, 'Dickhead,' that prompts Liam to brush their noses together.
'Sorry,' murmurs Liam, slotting his mouth over Zayn's again.
'You're lucky you're Liam Payne,' says Zayn. He takes a step back, then another, and another, dragging Liam with him by his pullover and snogging him thoroughly at the same time.
Liam breaks away with a breathless giggle. 'I don't know what that means!'
'Sure you don't, babe.' Deprived of Liam's mouth, Zayn instead bites and sucks on the birthmark that's tormented him for years because Zayn figures he's allowed now. The thought makes his cock twitch. He can see and touch and taste every part of Liam. It almost feels like a religious epiphany.
'Zayn, come on,' whimpers Liam, a sound Zayn wants in his playlist as soon as possible. Liam grinds into him with a tight roll of his hips.
'Yeah, alright,' he agrees, just as out of breath. Zayn is so astoundingly happy that he doesn't give a fuck when Liam crumples his perfectly styled hair in his hands and nudges his head up for another wild kiss.
Not even remotely a morning person, Zayn wriggles away from the soft lips trailing down the middle of his back. 'Grmphhl,' he mumbles irritably, pushing his face into the pillow that smells wonderful and new, like cinnamon.
'Babe, I gotta go,' someone whispers into his ear, the voice rough and low, and Zayn's had that voice singing in his ear for years.
Zayn sniffs and curls into a ball. 'Bye then,' he grunts, even though he doesn't want the voice to go, ever.
A chuckle, just as good as clever lyrics. 'Good to know I'll be missed.' Gentle palms tilt his head sideways and a kiss is placed on his mouth, even better than Zayn's favourite song.
When Zayn properly wakes up, stretching and savouring the soreness resulting from fantastic sex, does everything come rushing back. Zayn's eyes snap open and he sits up, before going, 'Ow, ow,' when his bum throbs.
A second later, the biggest, sappiest, most incredulous smile splits open Zayn's face and he grabs his pillow - cinnamonLiamLiam - and muffles his scream with it. He's entitled to show a little happiness.
His joy is short-lived, however, when he discovers that Liam left already and Zayn missed it. Zayn checks his clock. 12:15. No wonder the other side of the bed is stone cold.
'Shit,' Zayn groans, flopping back down on the mattress, arm over his eyes. He'd rebuffed Liam's attempts to say goodbye too. Zayn is the worst. Liam must be having second thoughts by now and Zayn doesn't even know Liam's number so he can ring and convince the other man that no, really, he's only cranky when he wakes up (which is, admittedly, a big fat lie). Zayn throws his arms wide in a tantrum and feels something wrinkle under his wrist.
He turns sideways. One of his crumpled sketches is pinned down by his hand. Zayn lifts up on one elbow and grabs the paper. Scribbled underneath the anatomical study Zayn had done on the male sexual organ a few weeks ago is Liam's slanted writing:
This is really good. I love the shading. Quiet reallistic. hope you were in a good mood when you drew this. I'd hate to see how small you draw my dick if your cross with me :)
This is my number btw. Ring me anytime yeah? would have checked your phone for yours but you pushed me away when I asked permisson. I'm hurt Zain. Zayn? Zane? I really need to know so please tell me when you text!
Unfourtunately I'm busy today but maybe we can have dinner tom? It could be like a regular date if your not into the whole valentines thing but hopefully you are :D
ps: this is Harry's number give it to your mate Louis. I reckon the fireworks will be specktacular.
pps: I'm sure their are spelling mistakes here. sorry I suck at spelling :( I swear I'm a grown man
ppps (!): on my way out and found this drawing of me, the one made to look like a jigsaw puzzle. Its brilliant! don't know why it's in the bin so I took it hope you don't mind :D
pppps: sleep well
Zayn goes through a cycle of emotions as he reads the note for a second, third, and fourth time. There's amusement, surprise, excitement, glee, relief, and embarrassment (and a small hint of mockery since spelling is effortless for Zayn, but mostly it's buried by oh my God why so adorable). Zayn can't help but giggle because he's never sincerely celebrated Valentine's Day before and now he has the perfect date for it. He can probably bribe Louis to take his shift again, especially since he's got Harry's number as his trump card.
He commits Liam's number to memory before reaching for his mobile (goes to search for it in the mess on the floor only to find that his clothes have been neatly folded and placed next to his laptop on the small table by the window; his mobile sits on top of his trousers and Zayn laughs long and loud and adoringly) but then pauses when he sees the ten missed calls and twenty-five messages blinking on the screen.
He opens the latest one with a feeling of dread.
From: Waliya
OMG ZAYN YOU KNOW LIAM PAYNE?
'Oh God,' Zayn mutters as a horrible idea occurs to him. He reads the messages before that and they express the same disbelief, congratulations, and teasing because apparently everyone in his life knows about his infatuation with Liam.
The text from Cher explains everything.
Check Tumblr mate you're all over it! And there's an article already on ONTD and from Perez Hilton: Liam Payne's New Beau-friend? You're famous! Well, by association but we'll take it.
Zayn's hands grow sweaty. He should have expected it, really. They'd been photographed getting into the taxi together, and who knows how many people took their picture when they'd been chatting in the pub. Zayn swallows and firmly shoves the anxiety away. If he wants to be with Liam (very fucking much), then he should get used to it. He knows he'll definitely go to pieces about all of this but now's not the time.
From: Louis
Tell me you slept with him. If you didn't then I'll be justified in kicking your ass. Btw you were right about Harry being a wanker I hate him I hate him I haaaaaate him and his dimples
Zayn taps out a quick reply.
If I slept with him it's none of your business. Are you sure? Because I might possibly have Harry's mobile number but if you hate him then I'll just chuck it. He's a prat anyway.
He hits send, glances at the note resting on his lap, and hurriedly opens a blank text.
Lou. I'm on bloody ONTD and I have a date with LIAM tomorrow. Is this really my life???
To Niall he sends:
Thank you thank you thank you you are my favourite forever! Love you Nialler.
He cocoons himself in the duvet and closes his eyes. His mind's a jumble of keyboard-smash thoughts and exclamation points but Zayn tries to focus on just Liam instead. Easy. A smile curves his lips, that shivery giddy feeling expanding in his chest again, and it takes a few seconds before Zayn notices his mobile vibrating.
From: Louis
YOU SLAG! So proud of you, Zayn. So the abs: real or photoshopped? And did you lick them? You had better! Yes, Yes Zayn, welcome to your life starring Katherine Heigl and Hugh Grant (guess who you are!) And NO NEVER! I want to forget Harry and his dimples even exist. DON'T give me his number. THROW it away. DELETE it.
'Subtle, Lou,' Zayn chuckles. 'Also, no bloody way I'm Hugh Grant. I'll take Colin Firth any day.'
From: Niall
Good on ya mate. I knew you'd get on s'why I told Liam about the pub. Love you too you crazy bastard.
Zayn loves his life.
13 Feb 9:32am
@Liam_Payne
Thanks a bunch to the very nice lads at 1D. Best Tropicana I've ever had.
13 Feb 9:44am
@StylesCommaHarry
I hate you @Liam_Payne. How could you???
13 Feb 10:12am
@Liam_Payne
:) Love you too @StylesCommaHarry
13 Feb 10:14am
@StylesCommaHarry
I also hate your smileys. That's so immature @Liam_Payne
13 Feb 9:45am
@GrimshawShow
@StylesCommaHarry @Liam_Payne Now now lads, not online!
13 Feb 10:02am
@StylesCommaHarry
Get a life @GrimshawShow #Sadoldman #Foreveralone
15 Feb 2:05am
@Liam_Payne
Wow it's late and I'm knackered but what a night! Happy Valentine's Day again, Z <3
feedback is love <3
Zayn is freaking out. He's got his chin cupped in his hand, face turned towards the window, and his heart threatening to leap out of his chest. He's keenly aware of Liam sitting a few feet away. Liam has been mumbling reassurances into his phone for the past fifteen minutes, no doubt trying to convince everyone in the world and their mum that he's fine.
(It's Harry who calls first in hysterics. Zayn can hear his voice even from where he's sat spewing words like 'kidnapping' and 'ransom' and 'creep' and is tempted to reach into the mobile and deck him. If Louis wants to date him, he better do it somewhere far from Zayn - like Antartica.
'Harry, Haz,' Liam interrupts sharply, shooting Zayn a penitent glance. 'I'm alright, stop worrying. Are you okay? Wait, what? Really? Oh Hazza, you massive dolt.'
Curiosity piqued, Zayn mouths, 'What?'
Liam mouths back, 'He kissed Louis and then punched him - What? No, no, you don't have to - um, wait a mo - Zayn?'
Zayn tilts his head.
'Where are we going?'
Shit. Zayn's eyes widen. 'My flat.' He bites his lower lip. 'It was the first thing that came to my mind. I can drop you off here if you want. Or - or wherever you want.'
Liam holds his gaze as he tells Harry in a soft voice, 'Don't bother with the car, Harry. I'll be fine.')
They are five minutes from his flat and Zayn is frantically trying to recall if he did the washing up (he's picturing a tower of dirty dishes on the sink). Did he bin the takeaway boxes or leave them scattered on the lounge? What about his laundry? He usually just drops his pants wherever. Zayn mentally slaps himself. There is no reason for Liam to enter his bedroom. None at all. Unless Zayn is a good host and offers Liam his bed. Without Zayn in it. But if Liam asks -
'Hey,' Liam calls softly, hand touching Zayn's arm. His fingers are warm and Zayn's entire being focuses on those five points of contact.
He gives an inquisitive 'Hmm?' or risk blurting out all the thoughts in his head if he says anything more than that.
'I'm sorry about what happened, with the paps and shit,' Liam says, lowering his head so the shadows shift across his face, hiding his eyes. His grip tightens slightly. 'You didn't have to do any of that. Like, you've been so great and I got you chased out of your own pub. I'm so fucking sorry, Zayn.'
The only thing that comes to Zayn's mind is: You're so hot when you swear.
He covers Liam's hand with his, squeezing gently. He already hates the contrite, distressed look on Liam's face.
'Liam,' he says, angling down so he can meet Liam's eyes. Zayn's neck twinges but he ignores it. 'It's cool, yeah? I don't exactly regret saving you from the insane paparazzi. Seriously. They're sharks and you're the helpless seal. It was like watching The Animal Planet.'
A weak smile tugs on Liam's lips. 'It's worse in America. They hide in the bushes or climb over your car. Sometimes they even sneak into your hotel shower and decide to give you the scare of your life. The last one's the Room 132 Incident, by the way, and she turned out to be a fan posing as a reporter.'
Zayn wrinkles his nose, appalled. 'It's always worse in America.'
'But they've got all the sun,' Liam points out. 'Everyone loves the sun.'
'Skin cancer, Liam,' Zayn reminds him and Liam throws his head back and laughs.
The Number Of Times I Made Liam Payne Laugh: 12.
But their mirth quickly fades and a loaded silence takes over. Zayn's neck is screaming murder but he's trapped in Liam's hooded eyes, glimmering with affection. His own are wide and he can only guess what his face is revealing (hope, desire, longing) when they are jerked back to the here and now as the taxi stops.
'Either you propose or get out,' the cabbie says, supremely amused, looking over his shoulder at them. 'This is your stop, innit?'
Somehow Zayn's fingers have managed to squirm their way in between Liam's without his notice. He pulls back reluctantly and reaches for his wallet.
Liam stops him. 'I've got it, yeah?' He hands the cabbie a couple of crisp twenties.
Zayn hates when his date pays for him, only Liam isn't exactly his date. Still. 'You don't have to - '
'Zayn, I got you involved in my mess,' says Liam firmly. 'The least I can do is pay for the cab.'
Liam doesn't look like he'll budge an inch (and how hot is that?) and Zayn sighs, pushing open the door. 'You're too nice for your own good.'
The cabbie snorts derisively and pokes his head out the window. 'I like this lad better than that French one you went out with last year. Stick to home, lad, although you're going to break me little girl's heart if you're with this one.'
'Cabbies, worse than bartenders,' Zayn mutters as the cab drives away. He digs out his keys.
Liam looks around him with a faint smile. 'Might take his advice,' he remarks casually, sticking his hands into his pockets.
Zayn drops his keys. He fusses with them for a while, head down, as an excuse to hide his burning cheeks. He can feel Liam's gaze on him, making the hairs on his arms stand on end. A cold breeze eases the fire on his face as he unlocks the front door and steps inside.
There is no lift so they take the stairs, the hush from earlier returning but the tension growing tenfold. Zayn clenches and unclenches his hands. There are so many thoughts in his head he can barely keep up. The sound of Liam's footsteps slightly out of sync with Zayn's is loud in his ears.
They reach his door. The 12C tacked on is crooked and fading. Zayn's keys jangle noisily. With his hand on the handle, Zayn grimaces and warns, 'My flat's quite small, and the floor creaks, and um, it's rather messy right now. Not exactly the five-star accommodations you're used to.'
Liam brushes his hand on Zayn's shoulder fleetingly. 'It's fine, Zayn. If you want, I could go. I mean, I've imposed enough.'
Zayn huffs; as if he's going to let Liam leave now. He just needed to speak to lessen the anxiety in his belly since he doesn't know what will happen in the privacy of his flat.
'You'll be chased by the media again if I send you away, and I bet Harry will track me down and skin me alive,' Zayn says lightly, turning the knob.
When they're inside, Zayn flicks on the light and he breathes a soft sigh of relief when no takeaway cartons, soiled dishes, or dirty socks greet them.
Liam removes his trainers and pushes them to the side with his foot. He follows Zayn to the lounge obediently but his gaze flits around with blatant interest.
Zayn wonders what Liam thinks of the place. He knows Liam had grown up in a humbler environment than Zayn did but became famous (and rich) at the age of eighteen, so he must not have any experience with grotty flats and dodgy flatmates and worrying about the heater.
'I like it,' says Liam with a smile. 'Cosy.'
Zayn rolls his eyes. 'Stop being so nice, it's freaking me out. The flat's awful and the neighbours - '
'You slept with my boyfriend!'
'You stole mine first, you cunt!'
' - right on cue,' says Zayn wryly, 'are shamelessly loud. It's just terrible but it's home.'
Liam chuckles and crosses his arms. 'That's what I mean. It's got that lived-in feeling, you know? Mine's very bare and clinical. I usually kip over Harry's when I'm home. God, that's so cliché, right? But actually, Harry and I used to share a flat before realising we were better off on our own because we already spend most of our time with each other at work. Also, Harry's a neat freak and I like to make a mess once in a while.'
Zayn wants to know more. Everything.
He coughs and pads towards the kitchen. 'Do you want something to drink? Water?'
Liam shakes his head mutely and Zayn stops. Liam is staring at the floor, bottom lip caught between his teeth. Zayn grips the back of the sofa, feeling at a loss. He honestly has no idea what to say or do next, but he knows what he wants and if some higher power gives it to him, Zayn will be forever grateful. He'll even give to charity. Be less mean. Stop smoking. Recycle.
Take a chance, Zayn reminds himself. He squares his shoulders. 'Li - '
'I like you,' Liam blurts out, peering at Zayn with a tiny frown. 'A lot.'
Zayn gulps down the Fuck at the tip of his tongue. His heart knocks against his ribs in an attempt to offer itself to Liam, rattling him from corner to corner.
'But - '
Oh.
Liam scrubs his hands over his face. 'I fancy you like mad,' he repeats, and he really should stop because now it hurts Zayn to hear it, 'but my life is so crazy. I travel all the time and I'm rarely at home. I don't even get to see my family as much as I want to and I just know that if I start something with you, it will mean something. I can't explain why. Zayn,' he exhales, looking lonely and entreating, 'I'm sorry. Anything serious or even casual is out of the question right now and, and I don't date fans. It's the Golden Rule we - Haz and I - decided after what Danielle - ' Liam cuts himself off and his shoulders slump.
'I should have said so in the beginning and I kept meaning to tell you but then you'd say or do things that made me swallow my words. I've never felt so at ease with someone I haven't known my entire life before. You make me want to break all the rules. There's something about you, Zayn, and I want to. I've wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you, but I mustn't. I can't.'
Silence.
Zayn stares at Liam's sad, beautiful face for a long moment and then whispers, 'I have a spare toothbrush you can use. Let me go get it.'
He spins on his heel and flees to his bedroom. Zayn sags against the door and tips his head back. His vision is blurry. 'Fuck,' Zayn mumbles, digging his knuckles into his eyes, 'fucking hell.'
Of course Liam is right. He claims there's something special about Zayn but ultimately Zayn is just another fan. He's not worth enough to break the Golden Rule (he heard the capital letters) for, to convince Liam to try and take a chance like Zayn had - and look how well that's worked out for him.
All night Liam has been giving him encouraging signals and suddenly he takes them back? Fuck him, then, Zayn thinks angrily and thumps the back of his head to clear his thoughts.
Zayn's just another pathetic fan who won't say no to a one-time fuck with Liam Payne even now.
Sneering at himself, Zayn heads to the bathroom to get Liam his bloody toothbrush. He is halfway across the room when the door flings open without warning. Liam stands in the doorway, eyes focused on him.
Zayn stiffens, all too aware of his damp cheeks. Before he can even think of what to say, Liam stalks forward, cups his face, and kisses him.
Stunned, Zayn holds himself still until Liam softens the kiss and slides his tongue between Zayn's lips; they part almost instantly.
'Bugger my rules,' Liam tells him, nipping at Zayn's mouth in apology. 'I fancy you and I'd very much like to see where this goes.'
Zayn can't push him away because Zayn's an idiot, hands already twisting in the soft material of Liam's jumper to keep him in place, but he still grumbles out an annoyed, 'Dickhead,' that prompts Liam to brush their noses together.
'Sorry,' murmurs Liam, slotting his mouth over Zayn's again.
'You're lucky you're Liam Payne,' says Zayn. He takes a step back, then another, and another, dragging Liam with him by his pullover and snogging him thoroughly at the same time.
Liam breaks away with a breathless giggle. 'I don't know what that means!'
'Sure you don't, babe.' Deprived of Liam's mouth, Zayn instead bites and sucks on the birthmark that's tormented him for years because Zayn figures he's allowed now. The thought makes his cock twitch. He can see and touch and taste every part of Liam. It almost feels like a religious epiphany.
'Zayn, come on,' whimpers Liam, a sound Zayn wants in his playlist as soon as possible. Liam grinds into him with a tight roll of his hips.
'Yeah, alright,' he agrees, just as out of breath. Zayn is so astoundingly happy that he doesn't give a fuck when Liam crumples his perfectly styled hair in his hands and nudges his head up for another wild kiss.
Not even remotely a morning person, Zayn wriggles away from the soft lips trailing down the middle of his back. 'Grmphhl,' he mumbles irritably, pushing his face into the pillow that smells wonderful and new, like cinnamon.
'Babe, I gotta go,' someone whispers into his ear, the voice rough and low, and Zayn's had that voice singing in his ear for years.
Zayn sniffs and curls into a ball. 'Bye then,' he grunts, even though he doesn't want the voice to go, ever.
A chuckle, just as good as clever lyrics. 'Good to know I'll be missed.' Gentle palms tilt his head sideways and a kiss is placed on his mouth, even better than Zayn's favourite song.
When Zayn properly wakes up, stretching and savouring the soreness resulting from fantastic sex, does everything come rushing back. Zayn's eyes snap open and he sits up, before going, 'Ow, ow,' when his bum throbs.
A second later, the biggest, sappiest, most incredulous smile splits open Zayn's face and he grabs his pillow - cinnamonLiamLiam - and muffles his scream with it. He's entitled to show a little happiness.
His joy is short-lived, however, when he discovers that Liam left already and Zayn missed it. Zayn checks his clock. 12:15. No wonder the other side of the bed is stone cold.
'Shit,' Zayn groans, flopping back down on the mattress, arm over his eyes. He'd rebuffed Liam's attempts to say goodbye too. Zayn is the worst. Liam must be having second thoughts by now and Zayn doesn't even know Liam's number so he can ring and convince the other man that no, really, he's only cranky when he wakes up (which is, admittedly, a big fat lie). Zayn throws his arms wide in a tantrum and feels something wrinkle under his wrist.
He turns sideways. One of his crumpled sketches is pinned down by his hand. Zayn lifts up on one elbow and grabs the paper. Scribbled underneath the anatomical study Zayn had done on the male sexual organ a few weeks ago is Liam's slanted writing:
This is really good. I love the shading. Quiet reallistic. hope you were in a good mood when you drew this. I'd hate to see how small you draw my dick if your cross with me :)
This is my number btw. Ring me anytime yeah? would have checked your phone for yours but you pushed me away when I asked permisson. I'm hurt Zain. Zayn? Zane? I really need to know so please tell me when you text!
Unfourtunately I'm busy today but maybe we can have dinner tom? It could be like a regular date if your not into the whole valentines thing but hopefully you are :D
ps: this is Harry's number give it to your mate Louis. I reckon the fireworks will be specktacular.
pps: I'm sure their are spelling mistakes here. sorry I suck at spelling :( I swear I'm a grown man
ppps (!): on my way out and found this drawing of me, the one made to look like a jigsaw puzzle. Its brilliant! don't know why it's in the bin so I took it hope you don't mind :D
pppps: sleep well
Zayn goes through a cycle of emotions as he reads the note for a second, third, and fourth time. There's amusement, surprise, excitement, glee, relief, and embarrassment (and a small hint of mockery since spelling is effortless for Zayn, but mostly it's buried by oh my God why so adorable). Zayn can't help but giggle because he's never sincerely celebrated Valentine's Day before and now he has the perfect date for it. He can probably bribe Louis to take his shift again, especially since he's got Harry's number as his trump card.
He commits Liam's number to memory before reaching for his mobile (goes to search for it in the mess on the floor only to find that his clothes have been neatly folded and placed next to his laptop on the small table by the window; his mobile sits on top of his trousers and Zayn laughs long and loud and adoringly) but then pauses when he sees the ten missed calls and twenty-five messages blinking on the screen.
He opens the latest one with a feeling of dread.
From: Waliya
OMG ZAYN YOU KNOW LIAM PAYNE?
'Oh God,' Zayn mutters as a horrible idea occurs to him. He reads the messages before that and they express the same disbelief, congratulations, and teasing because apparently everyone in his life knows about his infatuation with Liam.
The text from Cher explains everything.
Check Tumblr mate you're all over it! And there's an article already on ONTD and from Perez Hilton: Liam Payne's New Beau-friend? You're famous! Well, by association but we'll take it.
Zayn's hands grow sweaty. He should have expected it, really. They'd been photographed getting into the taxi together, and who knows how many people took their picture when they'd been chatting in the pub. Zayn swallows and firmly shoves the anxiety away. If he wants to be with Liam (very fucking much), then he should get used to it. He knows he'll definitely go to pieces about all of this but now's not the time.
From: Louis
Tell me you slept with him. If you didn't then I'll be justified in kicking your ass. Btw you were right about Harry being a wanker I hate him I hate him I haaaaaate him and his dimples
Zayn taps out a quick reply.
If I slept with him it's none of your business. Are you sure? Because I might possibly have Harry's mobile number but if you hate him then I'll just chuck it. He's a prat anyway.
He hits send, glances at the note resting on his lap, and hurriedly opens a blank text.
Lou. I'm on bloody ONTD and I have a date with LIAM tomorrow. Is this really my life???
To Niall he sends:
Thank you thank you thank you you are my favourite forever! Love you Nialler.
He cocoons himself in the duvet and closes his eyes. His mind's a jumble of keyboard-smash thoughts and exclamation points but Zayn tries to focus on just Liam instead. Easy. A smile curves his lips, that shivery giddy feeling expanding in his chest again, and it takes a few seconds before Zayn notices his mobile vibrating.
From: Louis
YOU SLAG! So proud of you, Zayn. So the abs: real or photoshopped? And did you lick them? You had better! Yes, Yes Zayn, welcome to your life starring Katherine Heigl and Hugh Grant (guess who you are!) And NO NEVER! I want to forget Harry and his dimples even exist. DON'T give me his number. THROW it away. DELETE it.
'Subtle, Lou,' Zayn chuckles. 'Also, no bloody way I'm Hugh Grant. I'll take Colin Firth any day.'
From: Niall
Good on ya mate. I knew you'd get on s'why I told Liam about the pub. Love you too you crazy bastard.
Zayn loves his life.
13 Feb 9:32am
@Liam_Payne
Thanks a bunch to the very nice lads at 1D. Best Tropicana I've ever had.
13 Feb 9:44am
@StylesCommaHarry
I hate you @Liam_Payne. How could you???
13 Feb 10:12am
@Liam_Payne
:) Love you too @StylesCommaHarry
13 Feb 10:14am
@StylesCommaHarry
I also hate your smileys. That's so immature @Liam_Payne
13 Feb 9:45am
@GrimshawShow
@StylesCommaHarry @Liam_Payne Now now lads, not online!
13 Feb 10:02am
@StylesCommaHarry
Get a life @GrimshawShow #Sadoldman #Foreveralone
15 Feb 2:05am
@Liam_Payne
Wow it's late and I'm knackered but what a night! Happy Valentine's Day again, Z <3
feedback is love <3