On health, love, Truth and being more myself
"You may return here once youhave fully come to understand that you are always here." (Gilbert200)
There are these unexpected moments when
we are hushed and hudled next to god.
There is nothing to do but be wide-eyed and humbled
to exist in such a moment.
To know that this is never of our making-hands
but only of our open hearts.
For me, growing more into myself and with a closer, more accessible proximity to the voice of the universe and my ancestors (within me/without me) requires a letting go of all my identifying boxes. A jump into the void and trusting that even in darkness, the universe is With me. It requires I define myself not by my roles (daughter, woman, feminist, getter, nurturer, story-teller, sister, activist) but by my intentions and, more important still, my actions. Labels become boxes, items where I attach descriptive words. I put my ego inside and once the box has a lid my ego is trapped and only knows how to call itself by the darkness inside that cramped box. I feel more moved and more seeking for Light.
Reiteration is important: when i feel stuck. labeled. deflated. and cannot support the strength to look inside, i need to take care of my body and mind- those things help with all my allignements. Go for a run, it makes the body feel healthy and supported. eat healthy things (to sit and savor a good, healthy meal is indeed indulgent and sensual). Get curious! Read! let the enriching curiosity of other's minds help you (me) toward Inspiration. -
"Inspiration," to let in breath.
flow. movement. Exhalation releases old, stale air. Inspiration is to draw in the new. Ham Sa. I am that.
These words are Truth. It is for me about peeling away the things I'm not to get closer to what and who i really am. "An amazing and invisible power may be released when a person's words and his/her inner self finally match." (Keith Miller) it is my intention to move closer to being more MySelf. I practice by trying never to hold back or shrink my truth, no matter who I'm speaking with or what the context. It is another one of the many leaps of faith that have become my experiment, lately.
I have been feeling for the past months that I should force myself to remain single, and avoid the tempation to distract myself in a relationship, as has been my natural tendency for the span of my adult life. relationships for me have had a perpetual side effect of self-avoidance. And i alone am responsible for how i treat myself. I want to dive into myself, not dilute myself by identifying me through who i am in a unit. for now. Simultaneously, i have wondered how i will know when it will be time to start a relationship. I don't want to avoid a relationship that could potentially be earthshattering love for me, just because i have some rigid idea of what the universe wants for me. some box that i have become stuck in by attaching my ego to the idea of "Single." Then, searching for the balance I read this:
"Great mistakes that take place in life are made wen a person does not follow his (/her) heart. When the heart is followed, we touch the Creator." (Originally from "The Quest") I laughed at the utter simplicity i had been trying to over-complicate: Follow my heart. of course. what a beautifully simple way to listen for god or the universe's direction in my life: follow my heart. It's especially amusing because that has been my precise mantra for the past weeks. I think of what the Medicine Man said to Elisabeth Gilbert in (i know its cheesy) "Eat, Pray, Love," and I paraphrase here: you must keep your feet grounded in the earth as though you have an extra pair of legs. But instead of looking with your head, see through your heart. That's how to achieve ballance. Looking through and following my heart. Suddenly I remember that one of my professors in college told us that in Chinese, there is a word that means "Thinking/feeling," as the two are perceived as inextricably intertwined. I want to be more inextricably intertwined.
Finally, i think of something my mother said to me a year or two ago. Chopping vegetables for a stir-fry dinner in the kitchen where I grew up she told me, "You should read Ghandi's autobiography. (Meaning the book titled, "My Experiments with Truth") When you learn to ground yourself, like Ghandi was, you will be unshakeable." Her words sent shivers of excitement and some ancient recognition through my frame. I didn't know what it meant then, just that it felt true. Having read the book I think it's so interestingly clear and insightful of my mother (my connection to whom often veils and unveils itself in the most magical and unexpected ways) beacause i think she was getting at something incredibly deep and with just a few words: when i strip away the things that i am not, i will move closer to my truth. And here the word truth can be replaced by Light or god connection. they are a synonomous, as far as I'm concerned. For over a year the theme has been always at the back of my mind, if not the obsession at the front of my mind- The pursuit of Truth in the most archetypical sense of the word. just another thing on my "to do" list...
There are these unexpected moments when
we are hushed and hudled next to god.
There is nothing to do but be wide-eyed and humbled
to exist in such a moment.
To know that this is never of our making-hands
but only of our open hearts.
For me, growing more into myself and with a closer, more accessible proximity to the voice of the universe and my ancestors (within me/without me) requires a letting go of all my identifying boxes. A jump into the void and trusting that even in darkness, the universe is With me. It requires I define myself not by my roles (daughter, woman, feminist, getter, nurturer, story-teller, sister, activist) but by my intentions and, more important still, my actions. Labels become boxes, items where I attach descriptive words. I put my ego inside and once the box has a lid my ego is trapped and only knows how to call itself by the darkness inside that cramped box. I feel more moved and more seeking for Light.
Reiteration is important: when i feel stuck. labeled. deflated. and cannot support the strength to look inside, i need to take care of my body and mind- those things help with all my allignements. Go for a run, it makes the body feel healthy and supported. eat healthy things (to sit and savor a good, healthy meal is indeed indulgent and sensual). Get curious! Read! let the enriching curiosity of other's minds help you (me) toward Inspiration. -
"Inspiration," to let in breath.
flow. movement. Exhalation releases old, stale air. Inspiration is to draw in the new. Ham Sa. I am that.
These words are Truth. It is for me about peeling away the things I'm not to get closer to what and who i really am. "An amazing and invisible power may be released when a person's words and his/her inner self finally match." (Keith Miller) it is my intention to move closer to being more MySelf. I practice by trying never to hold back or shrink my truth, no matter who I'm speaking with or what the context. It is another one of the many leaps of faith that have become my experiment, lately.
I have been feeling for the past months that I should force myself to remain single, and avoid the tempation to distract myself in a relationship, as has been my natural tendency for the span of my adult life. relationships for me have had a perpetual side effect of self-avoidance. And i alone am responsible for how i treat myself. I want to dive into myself, not dilute myself by identifying me through who i am in a unit. for now. Simultaneously, i have wondered how i will know when it will be time to start a relationship. I don't want to avoid a relationship that could potentially be earthshattering love for me, just because i have some rigid idea of what the universe wants for me. some box that i have become stuck in by attaching my ego to the idea of "Single." Then, searching for the balance I read this:
"Great mistakes that take place in life are made wen a person does not follow his (/her) heart. When the heart is followed, we touch the Creator." (Originally from "The Quest") I laughed at the utter simplicity i had been trying to over-complicate: Follow my heart. of course. what a beautifully simple way to listen for god or the universe's direction in my life: follow my heart. It's especially amusing because that has been my precise mantra for the past weeks. I think of what the Medicine Man said to Elisabeth Gilbert in (i know its cheesy) "Eat, Pray, Love," and I paraphrase here: you must keep your feet grounded in the earth as though you have an extra pair of legs. But instead of looking with your head, see through your heart. That's how to achieve ballance. Looking through and following my heart. Suddenly I remember that one of my professors in college told us that in Chinese, there is a word that means "Thinking/feeling," as the two are perceived as inextricably intertwined. I want to be more inextricably intertwined.
Finally, i think of something my mother said to me a year or two ago. Chopping vegetables for a stir-fry dinner in the kitchen where I grew up she told me, "You should read Ghandi's autobiography. (Meaning the book titled, "My Experiments with Truth") When you learn to ground yourself, like Ghandi was, you will be unshakeable." Her words sent shivers of excitement and some ancient recognition through my frame. I didn't know what it meant then, just that it felt true. Having read the book I think it's so interestingly clear and insightful of my mother (my connection to whom often veils and unveils itself in the most magical and unexpected ways) beacause i think she was getting at something incredibly deep and with just a few words: when i strip away the things that i am not, i will move closer to my truth. And here the word truth can be replaced by Light or god connection. they are a synonomous, as far as I'm concerned. For over a year the theme has been always at the back of my mind, if not the obsession at the front of my mind- The pursuit of Truth in the most archetypical sense of the word. just another thing on my "to do" list...