An unsuccessful glutton
I'm sitting in animation, and i realized something about myself that i've never really been able to admit before. I realized that i am incredibly pompous. There are a lot of things that i try incredibly hard to do well, but inevitably fail at. Thus, those things that i do well once in a while become my only point of focus for self motivation and external praise. I am an attention-hogging bastard! When i do fail at something, i make sure the world knows that i'm not happy about it. When i do something well, i do all that i can possibly do to let everybody know. I am so afraid of how people think of me that i overcompensate by trying to overly-elevate myself. I always tell myself that i'm taking the high road, but i usually do with the wrong intentions! I'm an absolute asshole! I'm arrogant, deceptively self-righteous, and can only find love for myself through external praise! The problem is, i see so many people around me getting their own due praise, and i resent so much that i'm not as adept as them in those skills that they are praised for, that i try telling others that i'm comparable, when i truly am not! I really should focus on those things that i am good at, because competing with comic geniuses in comedy sports isn't a good idea, considering the fact that i am not a very successful comedian. I have so little respect for myself that i try my hardest to find alleys of competition and just fail miserably. This obviously doesn't help elevate my self-esteem,either. The fact is, i don't love myself. I have become an unsuccessful glutton for external respect because i've figured that being loved could initiate some sort of self respect.