dreams
I've been having these dreams (nightmares?) about getting married, or at least almost getting married lately.
they are never good dreams. The scenes change, but the story goes that I'm getting forced into a marriage to the wrong man. The first one I remember was back from before I left Pittsburgh: I was being forced into marrying my uncle and I was all tears and sadness in my awful dress in an old stone cathedral. I remember I was horrified because he was already married and oh god, what would he do to a 2nd wife. I remember, too, that there was someone else. My subconscious screaming that, in fact, there is a man worth marrying, though it never bothered to tell me who.
there have been fleeting fragments since then: pieces of lace and hazelnut batter with strawberry creme filling, but nothing as vivid.
And then last night: I was in the islands, or at least somewhere rather warm as Tom and Cindy were there and lord knows they wouldn't go somewhere cold. And my parents and family and lots of people where all on vacation in this place because I was getting married. to Greg. Only I didn't want to be. And I remember sitting at his feet, begging him to let me go and to not make me go through with it. That I didn't want to be with him forever and that yes, there was someone else. And I was crying and so scared to go tell everyone that had come that there was going to be no wedding, so sorry, and I was so afraid of disappointing anyone that I was debating going through with it anyway, and just not ever being a wife.
To which I say, uh yeah. That already happened that way. so I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me with that as its the past.
But I'm not sure what the wedding phobia dreams are all about. Except that I did just finish reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and should be in want of a husband.
they are never good dreams. The scenes change, but the story goes that I'm getting forced into a marriage to the wrong man. The first one I remember was back from before I left Pittsburgh: I was being forced into marrying my uncle and I was all tears and sadness in my awful dress in an old stone cathedral. I remember I was horrified because he was already married and oh god, what would he do to a 2nd wife. I remember, too, that there was someone else. My subconscious screaming that, in fact, there is a man worth marrying, though it never bothered to tell me who.
there have been fleeting fragments since then: pieces of lace and hazelnut batter with strawberry creme filling, but nothing as vivid.
And then last night: I was in the islands, or at least somewhere rather warm as Tom and Cindy were there and lord knows they wouldn't go somewhere cold. And my parents and family and lots of people where all on vacation in this place because I was getting married. to Greg. Only I didn't want to be. And I remember sitting at his feet, begging him to let me go and to not make me go through with it. That I didn't want to be with him forever and that yes, there was someone else. And I was crying and so scared to go tell everyone that had come that there was going to be no wedding, so sorry, and I was so afraid of disappointing anyone that I was debating going through with it anyway, and just not ever being a wife.
To which I say, uh yeah. That already happened that way. so I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me with that as its the past.
But I'm not sure what the wedding phobia dreams are all about. Except that I did just finish reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and should be in want of a husband.