I've been thinking a lot today
Greg bought me presents this weekend. For the record, i bought him a present too, but I think I win because all I got him was a box of ice cream sammiches. Yes, "sammiches."
This daylight savings time thing is screwing me up. Greg and I went to bed last night at 10. Then he woke up at 3 and started putting on clothes and I was sad he was leaving, so I got dressed and followed him out to the living room where we watched amimal planet. And realized that it wasn't 3am all, but 4. Which was good, because I had to be at the bus for my filed trip at 9 and my alarm was set for 8:30... but i never adjusted it. And now its 7 and still light out... and I haven't started any work because it feels like i have plenty of time.
I love when he comes down. And yet, it's bittersweet. I feel like i have to cram an entire relationship into those few hours we have together... and I feel like it annoys him. To be honest, it annoys me too, a little bit. He complains that I always want to just hold him and be antisocial, and he wants to go hang with my Pitt friends. I understand, I'd love for it to be normal: hanging out with friends, going to movies, etc. But I feel like I'm wasting every second because I get so few. And I see my Pitt friends every day. I have to realize that he doesn't. I try. But he always needs to be tangible for me when he is here... because hes only tangible for 2 days out of a month.
I really am aching for it to just be normal. But first we have to Grow Up™ And there is nothing I can do about that now. Except finish school.... which will take forever.
But it was just so sad, leaving him asleep in my bed this morning only to come home from class to an empty room. Was I dreaming? I wonder some times. I'm so damn lucky, too lucky. How can I believe it?
To end the boy rambling...
I figured some things out today. I think my dream job (in the realm of jobs that are actually attainable) would be to work in stream and water remediation. With the DEP if possible, because government jobs are pretty cushy, for the most part. We went to an acid mine drainage site today and there were ducks. Ducks swimming in the orange, iron and acid filled water. Good god. We need to FIX that. And I would love to do it through biological buffers - settling ponds, plant species that absorb the toxins that can be harvested for paper or something, rock percolation through a limestone base to neturalize the water... god that would be so much fun.
I want to try to get an internship with 9 mile run, but i think I've actually missed that whole project... now they're waiting to see if the plants and things return this spring. But maybe somewhere else?
I just feel like thats more environmental engineering... which I am too retarded to do. Thats a shitty feeling... to want something you cannot have because you are not mentally able to do the work.
This daylight savings time thing is screwing me up. Greg and I went to bed last night at 10. Then he woke up at 3 and started putting on clothes and I was sad he was leaving, so I got dressed and followed him out to the living room where we watched amimal planet. And realized that it wasn't 3am all, but 4. Which was good, because I had to be at the bus for my filed trip at 9 and my alarm was set for 8:30... but i never adjusted it. And now its 7 and still light out... and I haven't started any work because it feels like i have plenty of time.
I love when he comes down. And yet, it's bittersweet. I feel like i have to cram an entire relationship into those few hours we have together... and I feel like it annoys him. To be honest, it annoys me too, a little bit. He complains that I always want to just hold him and be antisocial, and he wants to go hang with my Pitt friends. I understand, I'd love for it to be normal: hanging out with friends, going to movies, etc. But I feel like I'm wasting every second because I get so few. And I see my Pitt friends every day. I have to realize that he doesn't. I try. But he always needs to be tangible for me when he is here... because hes only tangible for 2 days out of a month.
I really am aching for it to just be normal. But first we have to Grow Up™ And there is nothing I can do about that now. Except finish school.... which will take forever.
But it was just so sad, leaving him asleep in my bed this morning only to come home from class to an empty room. Was I dreaming? I wonder some times. I'm so damn lucky, too lucky. How can I believe it?
To end the boy rambling...
I figured some things out today. I think my dream job (in the realm of jobs that are actually attainable) would be to work in stream and water remediation. With the DEP if possible, because government jobs are pretty cushy, for the most part. We went to an acid mine drainage site today and there were ducks. Ducks swimming in the orange, iron and acid filled water. Good god. We need to FIX that. And I would love to do it through biological buffers - settling ponds, plant species that absorb the toxins that can be harvested for paper or something, rock percolation through a limestone base to neturalize the water... god that would be so much fun.
I want to try to get an internship with 9 mile run, but i think I've actually missed that whole project... now they're waiting to see if the plants and things return this spring. But maybe somewhere else?
I just feel like thats more environmental engineering... which I am too retarded to do. Thats a shitty feeling... to want something you cannot have because you are not mentally able to do the work.