Yes I Ammmmmuh muh muh
I won't say i'm not disappointed but I can say I'm not depressed. I made sure that if my one sided plans fell through I wouldn't spend the day crying and generally depressed about the outcome.
I told myself that the important thing about today was that I was wanting to hang out with friends be it Ryan or other friends. Orginally it was going to be Eric and I but then Michelle had to came down to give me back my Orange Julias Hat that mysteriously appeared on her kicthen table this morning... when she called this morning I thought it was a dream... anywho I figured since she's coming down anyway she should join us.
Afterwards we had pizza and watch the silliness that breeds on You Tube. It was a nice evening that I did not allow to be ruined by other factors... it's not the end of the world that things didn't work out how I had hoped. And I think that's a big accomplishment for my part. That I continued to live my life and not get sucked back into this depressing slump.
But I won't say I wasn't disappointed, because I mean yeah it would have been nice if things turned out how I saw them going in my head, but I'm in tune with reality enough to know that this was a very plausible outcome I would have to deal with if it arose. I still have hope that underneath it all it's a huge misunderstanding and things will get sorted out before the end of the summer, but I know it's a very distinct and probable possiblity things may never leave from this state, and while it disappointing to think that I may have lost a very close person forever it's reassuring to know that I can keep living my life if that ends up the case. Whatever happens I just have to wait with realistic optimism that things will pan out how they are suppose to.
If I've learned anything from this summer it's that if something is worth enough to you... you'll wait for it... but there's something I don't have to wait for right now... and that thing is smallville... ja!
I told myself that the important thing about today was that I was wanting to hang out with friends be it Ryan or other friends. Orginally it was going to be Eric and I but then Michelle had to came down to give me back my Orange Julias Hat that mysteriously appeared on her kicthen table this morning... when she called this morning I thought it was a dream... anywho I figured since she's coming down anyway she should join us.
Afterwards we had pizza and watch the silliness that breeds on You Tube. It was a nice evening that I did not allow to be ruined by other factors... it's not the end of the world that things didn't work out how I had hoped. And I think that's a big accomplishment for my part. That I continued to live my life and not get sucked back into this depressing slump.
But I won't say I wasn't disappointed, because I mean yeah it would have been nice if things turned out how I saw them going in my head, but I'm in tune with reality enough to know that this was a very plausible outcome I would have to deal with if it arose. I still have hope that underneath it all it's a huge misunderstanding and things will get sorted out before the end of the summer, but I know it's a very distinct and probable possiblity things may never leave from this state, and while it disappointing to think that I may have lost a very close person forever it's reassuring to know that I can keep living my life if that ends up the case. Whatever happens I just have to wait with realistic optimism that things will pan out how they are suppose to.
If I've learned anything from this summer it's that if something is worth enough to you... you'll wait for it... but there's something I don't have to wait for right now... and that thing is smallville... ja!