*sighs*
I know im not a complete failure. I know im not a dissapointment to my family..I know I am beautiful but i dont feel any of these things
I feel like a complete failure. My parents had to shell out $1152.98 to pay for my cobra premium so i could go see the doctor because i was having some serious swelling and they were concerned i was showing possible issues with my heart or kidneys...After blood testing everything came back fine but my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) is totally out of wack..Doctors think i have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which would explain why i am like pushing almost 400 lbs..I am scared to eat anything because my body doesnt metabolise it..it stores it..stores it and makes it into fat..fat which makes me heavier..Im not happy..I want to cry..I have cried..every night i cry wondering what the hell i did to have this happen...Also to top it all off on the 30th my temp job ends..the agency im with has no leads on a possible placement which has me freaking out..what the hell ya know?
Everyone says not to worry not to be scared that it will all be okay in the end but im terrified..Terrified that the PCOS will push my weight to a point where i'll have a fucking heart attack before im 35 and that i'll have to live in my aunts basement because i'll be forced to give up my apartment..I dont know what to do anymore..
Then there's my mom who's freaking out and starting to do the "what if's" and its making me feel more guilty that my parents have had to step in and assist with my insurance..they dont have the money to spend..they didnt have to do it but they did and im scared they are going to put themselves in so deep of a hole that they wont be able to climb out..my mom is scared she's going to lose her job because of her health..my dad just got a part time job at a law firm which is awesome but what if they dont hire him? these are my moms fears...
I wish that when i was given the chance to interview for the customer service position at the RBO i would have taken it.it would have gotten me away from those bitches in my old department..i'd still have a job i'd not be wondering if im going to be able to pay my bills at the end of the month and have enough for rent and food for my cats let alone myself..
I have no appetite..im eating because my body is demanding it but im not happy about it..eating eggwhites for breakfast and then an atkins type lunch..by the time the day is over my stomach is growling all i want to do is snarf down a bag of pizza rolls and call it a day but im behaving..tonight im going to grill up a chicken breast and steam some vegetables and drink a glass of milk
i...*cries*
I feel like a complete failure. My parents had to shell out $1152.98 to pay for my cobra premium so i could go see the doctor because i was having some serious swelling and they were concerned i was showing possible issues with my heart or kidneys...After blood testing everything came back fine but my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) is totally out of wack..Doctors think i have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which would explain why i am like pushing almost 400 lbs..I am scared to eat anything because my body doesnt metabolise it..it stores it..stores it and makes it into fat..fat which makes me heavier..Im not happy..I want to cry..I have cried..every night i cry wondering what the hell i did to have this happen...Also to top it all off on the 30th my temp job ends..the agency im with has no leads on a possible placement which has me freaking out..what the hell ya know?
Everyone says not to worry not to be scared that it will all be okay in the end but im terrified..Terrified that the PCOS will push my weight to a point where i'll have a fucking heart attack before im 35 and that i'll have to live in my aunts basement because i'll be forced to give up my apartment..I dont know what to do anymore..
Then there's my mom who's freaking out and starting to do the "what if's" and its making me feel more guilty that my parents have had to step in and assist with my insurance..they dont have the money to spend..they didnt have to do it but they did and im scared they are going to put themselves in so deep of a hole that they wont be able to climb out..my mom is scared she's going to lose her job because of her health..my dad just got a part time job at a law firm which is awesome but what if they dont hire him? these are my moms fears...
I wish that when i was given the chance to interview for the customer service position at the RBO i would have taken it.it would have gotten me away from those bitches in my old department..i'd still have a job i'd not be wondering if im going to be able to pay my bills at the end of the month and have enough for rent and food for my cats let alone myself..
I have no appetite..im eating because my body is demanding it but im not happy about it..eating eggwhites for breakfast and then an atkins type lunch..by the time the day is over my stomach is growling all i want to do is snarf down a bag of pizza rolls and call it a day but im behaving..tonight im going to grill up a chicken breast and steam some vegetables and drink a glass of milk
i...*cries*