Die....t
I realize that I'm a horrible person now by my own standards. Thank you.
Obviously, I've had a long and painfully (not a metaphor really) complicated history with dieting, weight-loss, and health issues. I fucking hate diets. I fucking hate people on diets. I hate the profit people make telling me that there's something wrong with the natural propensity for my body to be bigger than most people's.
Unfortunately, I passed the point of functioning a long time ago. I can't move the way I used to, I can't lift things. I used to be a horse. Big, but powerful. Not athletically inclined, but damn if I couldn't run, jump, swim for hours, bend every which way, lift weights and generally kick your ass. I haven't been able to do those things in so long. My own body is literally turning against me and clearly I had to do something to put it into line.
But honestly? I just want to be able to shop for clothes (and another bridesmaid dress) without it being a unique experience in humiliation and self-loathing.
I just wish I didn't have to drag Mum along in all of this. But I can't do it if she's not on it too. She's such a bitch when she's dieting though. One day and I want to lock myself in the closet.
Positive though. I didn't take my medications today and my blood sugar is at 194. Bad, yes. But under normal circumstances if I'd missed my meds it'd be 350 easy. I haven't seen a 1 in the hundreds place in months. If I'd taken meds, it'd be 250 normally. Hey, maybe I'll get hit by a low flying jetliner tomorrow, but at least I'll fit in theater seats again.
Obviously, I've had a long and painfully (not a metaphor really) complicated history with dieting, weight-loss, and health issues. I fucking hate diets. I fucking hate people on diets. I hate the profit people make telling me that there's something wrong with the natural propensity for my body to be bigger than most people's.
Unfortunately, I passed the point of functioning a long time ago. I can't move the way I used to, I can't lift things. I used to be a horse. Big, but powerful. Not athletically inclined, but damn if I couldn't run, jump, swim for hours, bend every which way, lift weights and generally kick your ass. I haven't been able to do those things in so long. My own body is literally turning against me and clearly I had to do something to put it into line.
But honestly? I just want to be able to shop for clothes (and another bridesmaid dress) without it being a unique experience in humiliation and self-loathing.
I just wish I didn't have to drag Mum along in all of this. But I can't do it if she's not on it too. She's such a bitch when she's dieting though. One day and I want to lock myself in the closet.
Positive though. I didn't take my medications today and my blood sugar is at 194. Bad, yes. But under normal circumstances if I'd missed my meds it'd be 350 easy. I haven't seen a 1 in the hundreds place in months. If I'd taken meds, it'd be 250 normally. Hey, maybe I'll get hit by a low flying jetliner tomorrow, but at least I'll fit in theater seats again.