Aaaaaaahhhhhh!
Ok so I'm a little stressed out right now. The week of my birthday I have four papers and a test due and I am just not looking forward to any of them. Plus I have a ton of hw for this weekend. Why do teachers insist upon doing that?
So a lot has been going on lately. I love Eric. I really do. I'm crazy about him. He is so sweet and he likes me so much and I always have fun when we're together. And I'm happy we're still together.
So Jeff... yeah. I really wanted him to forgive me because I felt so bad for what I had done. So I made him a card with my picture on the inside. It was really cute. Then one night, in the middle of the night, me and my friends went to his house and wrote "I miss you Jeff" huge in sidewalk chalk in his street. It took up the whole street. and I took a picture. which was good, cause he never saw it. It rained. But even after I sent him the picture, he still didn't forgive me. So me and my brother made him a movie. And it was the greatest thing ever. and it was to the song "You're Still the One" by Orleans. and I took it over to his house to give it to him but he forgave me before he even saw it. so he forgives me. and you would think that would be the end of this mini-drama. But no. Last night he called me and we talked for a while and then when we were getting of the phone I said that I thought he was calling to tell me something important but that it was nice just to talk. so a few minutes later he calls back and says he really did call to tell me something important and he hoped it didn't ruin my night. and he told me he's in love with me. and once again, I didn't know what to say, how to respond. I just said that it didn't ruin my night, that it made me happy, cause, seriously, who doesn't want to hear that someone loves them? it's very flattering.
But now I don't know what to do. do I love him back? I do love him, but am I in love with him? I'm torn because the love I feel for jeff is very strong just because he's one of my best friends and I've known him for a long time. And the love I feel for Eric isn't very strong, just because we haven't been together very long, and to throw out a cliche, it hasn't had time to grow. so I'm conflicted. is that even a word? I don't know. This is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that for me Jeff is safe. I assume that he's always going to be around, for me to fall back on, and thats wrong and probably not true. I can't lead him on just because I want that safety. and I'm also afraid of hurting him again. But what if he truly is the one for me and that's why he's still around? How do I know? I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with Eric. But I can picture Jeff in my life forever, in some form or fashion. How do I decide what to do? How do I know who's the one for me? It must be nice for Jeff and Eric to know exactly how they feel. I don't know that I've ever known exactly how I've felt about anyone. Well except one, the one, and I don't talk about him any more. I'd pull a Rory Gilmore and make a pro-con list but I think I would come up even. I want to cry. I really do.
So a lot has been going on lately. I love Eric. I really do. I'm crazy about him. He is so sweet and he likes me so much and I always have fun when we're together. And I'm happy we're still together.
So Jeff... yeah. I really wanted him to forgive me because I felt so bad for what I had done. So I made him a card with my picture on the inside. It was really cute. Then one night, in the middle of the night, me and my friends went to his house and wrote "I miss you Jeff" huge in sidewalk chalk in his street. It took up the whole street. and I took a picture. which was good, cause he never saw it. It rained. But even after I sent him the picture, he still didn't forgive me. So me and my brother made him a movie. And it was the greatest thing ever. and it was to the song "You're Still the One" by Orleans. and I took it over to his house to give it to him but he forgave me before he even saw it. so he forgives me. and you would think that would be the end of this mini-drama. But no. Last night he called me and we talked for a while and then when we were getting of the phone I said that I thought he was calling to tell me something important but that it was nice just to talk. so a few minutes later he calls back and says he really did call to tell me something important and he hoped it didn't ruin my night. and he told me he's in love with me. and once again, I didn't know what to say, how to respond. I just said that it didn't ruin my night, that it made me happy, cause, seriously, who doesn't want to hear that someone loves them? it's very flattering.
But now I don't know what to do. do I love him back? I do love him, but am I in love with him? I'm torn because the love I feel for jeff is very strong just because he's one of my best friends and I've known him for a long time. And the love I feel for Eric isn't very strong, just because we haven't been together very long, and to throw out a cliche, it hasn't had time to grow. so I'm conflicted. is that even a word? I don't know. This is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that for me Jeff is safe. I assume that he's always going to be around, for me to fall back on, and thats wrong and probably not true. I can't lead him on just because I want that safety. and I'm also afraid of hurting him again. But what if he truly is the one for me and that's why he's still around? How do I know? I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with Eric. But I can picture Jeff in my life forever, in some form or fashion. How do I decide what to do? How do I know who's the one for me? It must be nice for Jeff and Eric to know exactly how they feel. I don't know that I've ever known exactly how I've felt about anyone. Well except one, the one, and I don't talk about him any more. I'd pull a Rory Gilmore and make a pro-con list but I think I would come up even. I want to cry. I really do.