What a Night
I went to Indiana this weekend for a family reunion type of thing. It was fun just to get away from work for a few days. Of course, as soon as I showed up there for practice today, the drama began again. I suppose it will never end.
So I have been thinking about him a lot lately. I'm not sure why. So I called him last night and we talked for about an hour. We joked around about getting married and talked about other stuff. And then the conversation turned serious. He told me that I broke his heart. and that really upset me. I mean, I knew that I hurt him, but broke his heart? That's awful. I started telling him that the whole situation was my fault but he wouldn't hear it. He said that he was afraid that if he started thinking it was my fault, that then he wouldn't be able to forgive me. He told me that even when we haven't been talking to each other that he still thinks about me all the time. He said he was thinking about me when I called. He thinks about us being together but how it wouldn't work. And then the big one. He told me that he wasn't sure if he really knew what love is, but that he thinks that if he's ever loved someone, it was me. He said he really does love me. I didn't know what to say, I just said 'I know.' and then I went to bed. I just don't know what to do. I am so torn. Part of me thinks that maybe I love him too, that maybe I want to be with him. The other part tells me he's one of my best friends that I've known forever and that's as far as the love extends. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to break his heart again.
Then I couldn't go to sleep. and about 2 am Danny calls. and after the first phone conversation I was ready to tell Danny to forget it. But then talking to him, I don't know. So I'm going over to his house after work tonight. and I'm wondering if I'm making a huge mistake. I don't know which one of them I really want. and I suppose deep down I know I can't have either one. Why does love have to be so hard?
So I have been thinking about him a lot lately. I'm not sure why. So I called him last night and we talked for about an hour. We joked around about getting married and talked about other stuff. And then the conversation turned serious. He told me that I broke his heart. and that really upset me. I mean, I knew that I hurt him, but broke his heart? That's awful. I started telling him that the whole situation was my fault but he wouldn't hear it. He said that he was afraid that if he started thinking it was my fault, that then he wouldn't be able to forgive me. He told me that even when we haven't been talking to each other that he still thinks about me all the time. He said he was thinking about me when I called. He thinks about us being together but how it wouldn't work. And then the big one. He told me that he wasn't sure if he really knew what love is, but that he thinks that if he's ever loved someone, it was me. He said he really does love me. I didn't know what to say, I just said 'I know.' and then I went to bed. I just don't know what to do. I am so torn. Part of me thinks that maybe I love him too, that maybe I want to be with him. The other part tells me he's one of my best friends that I've known forever and that's as far as the love extends. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to break his heart again.
Then I couldn't go to sleep. and about 2 am Danny calls. and after the first phone conversation I was ready to tell Danny to forget it. But then talking to him, I don't know. So I'm going over to his house after work tonight. and I'm wondering if I'm making a huge mistake. I don't know which one of them I really want. and I suppose deep down I know I can't have either one. Why does love have to be so hard?