god, i'm glad I was never a girl...
I mean, I was. I just was inadequately socialized as one.
Yesterday I was eating lunch at a long table in the campus union. I was doing some reading for class, and a young woman was seated at the other end, apparently doing work, too. At one point another young woman dressed in very similar clothes walked past, and they both stopped what they were doing and exchanged pleasantries - both mentioned their (possibly two different) sororities. A few minutes later, the second girl came back, and said something like, "I just wanted you to know that Jessie and I are sitting at a table over there, and you _could_ come join us." It was about the most passive invitation I've ever seen in that context, and it seemed fairly clear that Invitor did not actually particularly want Invitee to come sit with them. Nevertheless, it took Invitee a good 90 seconds to, with repeated apologies, refuse the grudging invitation, explaining that she had work to do for a class in 20 minutes (but apologizing for that, too!)
I was pretty much stunned, initially just at how much StudyGirl had to say and do to mitigate her not joining the people who didn't want her in the first place - and especially how much she had to apologize for _having work to do_ and prioritizing it over people she clearly didn't know very well. In retrospect, I'm also stunned that Invitor felt she had to do it in the first place - though it may be that her entire intention was to distract StudyGirl while making her feel bad about it, I don't know.
It was so very "Mean Girls". But in college. Soooooo glad I missed out on this stuff.
Yesterday I was eating lunch at a long table in the campus union. I was doing some reading for class, and a young woman was seated at the other end, apparently doing work, too. At one point another young woman dressed in very similar clothes walked past, and they both stopped what they were doing and exchanged pleasantries - both mentioned their (possibly two different) sororities. A few minutes later, the second girl came back, and said something like, "I just wanted you to know that Jessie and I are sitting at a table over there, and you _could_ come join us." It was about the most passive invitation I've ever seen in that context, and it seemed fairly clear that Invitor did not actually particularly want Invitee to come sit with them. Nevertheless, it took Invitee a good 90 seconds to, with repeated apologies, refuse the grudging invitation, explaining that she had work to do for a class in 20 minutes (but apologizing for that, too!)
I was pretty much stunned, initially just at how much StudyGirl had to say and do to mitigate her not joining the people who didn't want her in the first place - and especially how much she had to apologize for _having work to do_ and prioritizing it over people she clearly didn't know very well. In retrospect, I'm also stunned that Invitor felt she had to do it in the first place - though it may be that her entire intention was to distract StudyGirl while making her feel bad about it, I don't know.
It was so very "Mean Girls". But in college. Soooooo glad I missed out on this stuff.