free falling.
free falling
Liam/Louis. Four times Liam didn't realise he was dating Louis and the one time he did. (Because they actually do go on dates. Obviously this deviates from real life in places though.)
The first time only happens because Zayn's a loser who can't swim (and who wants to sleep all day when they're in bloody sunny Australia), and Niall wants to do something weird like go to zoo by himself (and they're long past the point of asking questions when it comes to him), and Harry's too cool for surfing (which makes no sense, but then again, Harry's always been more into the pale hipster kind of cool rather than the surfer dude kind).
And yeah - it's fine, really. Louis's adventurous and Liam's always been into athletic pursuits, so it makes sense that they end up having these experiences together. It helps that they've grown a lot closer over the last couple months, closer than Liam had maybe ever imagined back in the X Factor days. Louis's a lot of fun when he's not taking things too far, and Liam always seems to be able to provide him with that balance. It was difficult at first, but maybe their friendship is stronger because of it. They understand each other better now. Louis's gotten him to loosen up a lot too, and he's grateful for that even though he'll never admit it.
When they get back to the hotel, Harry and Zayn are sulking because apparently their efforts to sneak out and go to a pub were foiled.
Liam won't deny that they kind of rub their awesome day in their faces a little, but he's still pretty taken aback when Harry spits out bitterly, "Glad you enjoyed your surfing date so much."
There's no real malice behind it, and Louis laughs it off easily, but Liam is kind of stuck thinking about it for awhile, and his silence is probably noticeable, but - date? It wasn't, was it? He'd know if it was a date, right? Louis would tell him if it was. Louis would tell everyone.
But - oh. Looking at him now, cracking up into Harry's neck as he recounts the story of he and Zayn getting escorted out of the pub by security, he wonders if Louis doesn't know either.
It takes another couple minutes to convince himself there's nothing to know, it was just two friends enjoying their day off, and Harry's comment was innocent, yeah, right, of course.
"Hey, Liam, you alright?" Zayn says a second later, looking concerned. Harry and Louis are both looking at him now too.
He's never been more grateful for the distraction in the form of Niall, coming through the door, eating an ice-cream, and saying, "Dude, I had the best day."
They all crack up again, and he says, "Wankers," fondly before he sits down next to Liam.
Liam finally breathes out.
*
Harry goes with them but he just films it, because apparently bungee jumping is also not cool enough for him.
They keep talking about how amazing it was, grinning at each other like excited children, and Harry just rolls his eyes and checks his phone.
Louis kind of grabs his shoulders for a second, and he's really close to him, giving him that trademark brighter-than-the-sun Louis smile, and it's just - yeah, their lives are crazy, and they just did something totally crazy and the adrenaline's still coursing through his veins (and Louis' too, definitely, given the way he can't stay still and is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and is even more energetic than he usually is - and all that energy seems to be focused on Liam right now). He wonders, in an offhand way, what it would be like to just lean in and kiss the smile off his face. And whoa, that's a weird thought. And he'll put it down to the rush you feel after you free-fall two-hundred metres off a bridge later, but right now, right now - Louis' lips look all shiny and red and he was biting them before on the platform, he knows, he'd noticed - Louis doesn't get nervous much, but he was today, and Liam wonders, more than wonders - almost needs to know what it would be like to be the one to unnerve him like that.
They're almost touching when Louis' eyes, still so bright, narrow just the slightest, and then he's pulling back and away from any of Louis' potential questioning.
They don't talk about it.
*
They go to see Avengers with mates, and it's fine, it's going to be fine, Liam decides. Nothing's going to happen at all. It hasn't been weird or anything since New Zealand, but sometimes their eyes meet and in the silence, Liam wonders if he's thinking about it too.
But this - this is just a movie with a bunch of friends. No problem.
And then Louis literally grabs his wrist on the armrest when Iron Man is falling back to earth and Liam tries not to startle too much (or go into cardiac arrest), and thinks, Why is this my life?
He doesn't release his grip for a long time, staring transfixed at the screen.
Liam squirms a little despite himself, and then Louis seems to come out of it, says, "Sorry," a little too quietly, removes his hand a little too quickly.
He doesn't make it into a joke which, with Louis, is always the biggest warning sign that something actually serious is happening.
Liam thinks about talking to someone about it, Zayn maybe, but God, what if it's all in his head and he's being a colossal idiot and Zayn will tell him that and then make fun of him forever, or worse - what if it's not? What if he has to deal with this thing that he's being trying to ignore with all his will, deal with his feelings or whatever - and yeah, he knows he can be stubborn as fuck about these things, and Louis doesn't make anything easy. But maybe he doesn't want easy.
He can hear Zayn's groan from the other side of the door and then his footsteps as he walks to open the door.
"What's up, Liam?" He knows he's trying hard to be polite after being disturbed. God bless him.
"Can I - uh, talk to you?"
"Well, you're already here, so..." He gestures for him to come in.
"What's this about?" he says when they both sit down on his bed. "Did you murder someone? Are you leaving the band? Have we finally driven you to drugs?"
"It's about Louis."
"Oh, so all three?"
"Do you think he's been weird lately?"
"Do I - Do I think he's been weird lately? This is still Louis we're talking about, right?"
"I mean - not, like, the usual Louis weirdness. Like, something else - something that's been off since New Zealand, for instance."
"Oh, you mean like the fact that he hasn't gotten laid since then?"
"What?!"
"Harry just mentioned it in passing." Zayn shrugs.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah." He finally looks suspicious. "Why do you even want to know anyway?"
"Um...no reason, really. I just - I suppose that's it. I mean, the no sex thing. Yeah, that's definitely it."
He stands up, hoping that's the end of it.
Zayn's eyes follow him to the door though. It's definitely not the end of it.
He knows this for sure when they end up going to the Katy Perry movie together, and Niall was supposed to come with them, he really was, that fucker, but Liam's resigned himself to the fact that his life is the absolute worst by now.
He can't help staring across at Louis every couple minutes though, wondering what's going on inside his head, if he's sad or scared or confused, like Liam is. Or if there are a world of things happening in there that he can't begin to comprehend.
*
They go shopping when they're back in London, because they haven't hung out in a while (outside the studio) and Louis calls him up. Nothing's happened since Avengers, but Zayn still looks at him funny and Liam tries his best to evade him before he asks more questions. He wonders if he's mentioned anything to Louis about their little chat. He's willing to bet no, because Zayn doesn't really like getting involved unnecessarily. He supposes that he's trusting them to work out their own stuff.
Louis finds a The Wanted book in the pound shop and Liam thinks absentmindedly that he's missed his laugh, which is ridiculous, really, because he laughs all the time. But not like this - uncontrolled and real and private. Just for him, he thinks kind of irrationally.
Liam grins at him and he smiles back, and it's not guarded anymore, for the first time in months.
It's a nice reminder, of how much he loves being in Louis' company, loves all the little things they do, without freaking out about what it means, if it means something more. He likes when it's simple, even if their relationship never really has been. This part is.
The more he thinks about it, he can't help but wonder if that's not what dating someone really is about. It's easy to worry about it, to make it complicated and difficult, to focus on all the baggage and the obstacles, and not the things that really matter.
Louis makes him happy, makes everything they've done even better, makes him appreciate this life he's been so lucky to have, makes him appreciate life in general.
He's not going to push him away anymore. And whatever happens he'll just let happen.
*
"Okay, this is ridiculous now," Niall says, storming into his flat.
"What? What is happening?" Liam asks. He's followed by Harry and a long-suffering Zayn.
He tries to communicate some solidarity with his eyes but Zayn just ignores him.
They all just stare at him.
"What?" he says again.
Niall makes a noise of frustration and then practically slams his phone down on the table.
Liam peers down at the screen curiously and oh, oh - that.
So, yeah, they'd gone for a bike ride. The two of them. Alone. And there were pictures, of course. But he didn't expect them to look - well, like that. Louis had smiled a lot and Liam had stared at him a lot, and shit, it's so, so obvious now.
"Explain yourself," Harry says, arms folded across his chest.
"I - I don't -?"
"Let me be clearer. Explain why these look like stills from an indie rom-com starring you and my best friend."
"It was just - we just went for a ride," he says, shrugging, wholly unconvincing.
"Maybe you should have gone skipping through a field of flowers holding hands instead. That would have been more subtle."
"You need to stop," Zayn says bluntly.
"I'm not doing anything," Liam says desperately.
"You need to stop pretending you're not dating."
"What? We're not -"
"It'll just end in heartache on both sides," Niall agrees.
"Louis's already, like, two seconds away from having a full-on cry on me all the bloody time. I think if he keeps pining like this, he might actually die," Harry adds, exasperated.
"What? Louis? What did he tell you?"
"Basically the same rubbish you told Zayn."
Liam glares at Zayn and he has the decency to look almost ashamed.
"You've been dating, like, forever. Please put us all out of our misery and just put your faces together already. And other parts of your anatomy," Niall bursts out.
"Ew," Harry says.
"Did not need those images, mate," Zayn says, jaw clenched.
"Oh, and by the way, he's supposed to be coming here in about ten minutes, so have fun!" Niall says, and then he honest to God cackles before heading back out the door followed by Harry who just winks at him and Zayn who says, "Good luck," like he really means it.
He doesn't even have time to freak out. He just stares into space blankly for a while until there's a knock on the door and he mechanically goes to open it.
"Hey," Louis says, smiling that soft smile he's seen a lot recently when they're alone.
As he steps inside, he realises no one else is there and he looks questioningly at Liam.
"It was a set-up," he says apologetically.
He sits down at the table and Louis says, "Oh," kind of dazed, before joining him.
Liam decides it's now or never and just blurts out, "So apparently we've been dating the whole time I've been having a crisis about wanting to date you."
Louis' eyes get wide and then he's laughing softly. And his cheeks are getting kind of red and oh, this is what making him nervous is like. It's basically the best feeling in the entire universe, and Liam's sung in front of thousands of people and had his album debut at number one and he's jumped off a bridge and not died and then almost flew.
Louis hasn't been so quiet for so long in all the time Liam's known him. He just slides his hand across the table and covers Liam's with it.
Then he says, "If you're asking me if I want to date you while knowing we're dating, the answer's yes."
They just stare at each other for a long while, matching smiles on their faces.
And then Louis turns into Louis again, says, "So what do we do now?"
"Niall thinks we should put our faces together. And other things." And now Liam's blushing and Louis is looking at him like he's the most endearing thing he's ever seen. It's strange now, but so amazing too, that they're allowed this. Allowed to feel all of it without being afraid of it. They've both been so protective of their emotions but it feels like a relief, to just let it all go. It feels like finally taking that last step off a platform, finally being free.
Louis leans over the table to kiss him, and it's just a gentle brush of lips, but when he tries to move back, Liam pulls him in by his collar to kiss him properly. Louis makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat and when they finally part, he mutters, "Knew you'd like it rough," with the cheekiest fucking grin.
Their first real date is popcorn and The Notebook (Harry had somehow planted a bunch of romance movies in his flat) on his couch and when they're making out during the credits and Louis pulls away to say, "You're my favourite, Liam Payne," he tells him, "You're my favourite too."
Liam/Louis. Four times Liam didn't realise he was dating Louis and the one time he did. (Because they actually do go on dates. Obviously this deviates from real life in places though.)
The first time only happens because Zayn's a loser who can't swim (and who wants to sleep all day when they're in bloody sunny Australia), and Niall wants to do something weird like go to zoo by himself (and they're long past the point of asking questions when it comes to him), and Harry's too cool for surfing (which makes no sense, but then again, Harry's always been more into the pale hipster kind of cool rather than the surfer dude kind).
And yeah - it's fine, really. Louis's adventurous and Liam's always been into athletic pursuits, so it makes sense that they end up having these experiences together. It helps that they've grown a lot closer over the last couple months, closer than Liam had maybe ever imagined back in the X Factor days. Louis's a lot of fun when he's not taking things too far, and Liam always seems to be able to provide him with that balance. It was difficult at first, but maybe their friendship is stronger because of it. They understand each other better now. Louis's gotten him to loosen up a lot too, and he's grateful for that even though he'll never admit it.
When they get back to the hotel, Harry and Zayn are sulking because apparently their efforts to sneak out and go to a pub were foiled.
Liam won't deny that they kind of rub their awesome day in their faces a little, but he's still pretty taken aback when Harry spits out bitterly, "Glad you enjoyed your surfing date so much."
There's no real malice behind it, and Louis laughs it off easily, but Liam is kind of stuck thinking about it for awhile, and his silence is probably noticeable, but - date? It wasn't, was it? He'd know if it was a date, right? Louis would tell him if it was. Louis would tell everyone.
But - oh. Looking at him now, cracking up into Harry's neck as he recounts the story of he and Zayn getting escorted out of the pub by security, he wonders if Louis doesn't know either.
It takes another couple minutes to convince himself there's nothing to know, it was just two friends enjoying their day off, and Harry's comment was innocent, yeah, right, of course.
"Hey, Liam, you alright?" Zayn says a second later, looking concerned. Harry and Louis are both looking at him now too.
He's never been more grateful for the distraction in the form of Niall, coming through the door, eating an ice-cream, and saying, "Dude, I had the best day."
They all crack up again, and he says, "Wankers," fondly before he sits down next to Liam.
Liam finally breathes out.
*
Harry goes with them but he just films it, because apparently bungee jumping is also not cool enough for him.
They keep talking about how amazing it was, grinning at each other like excited children, and Harry just rolls his eyes and checks his phone.
Louis kind of grabs his shoulders for a second, and he's really close to him, giving him that trademark brighter-than-the-sun Louis smile, and it's just - yeah, their lives are crazy, and they just did something totally crazy and the adrenaline's still coursing through his veins (and Louis' too, definitely, given the way he can't stay still and is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and is even more energetic than he usually is - and all that energy seems to be focused on Liam right now). He wonders, in an offhand way, what it would be like to just lean in and kiss the smile off his face. And whoa, that's a weird thought. And he'll put it down to the rush you feel after you free-fall two-hundred metres off a bridge later, but right now, right now - Louis' lips look all shiny and red and he was biting them before on the platform, he knows, he'd noticed - Louis doesn't get nervous much, but he was today, and Liam wonders, more than wonders - almost needs to know what it would be like to be the one to unnerve him like that.
They're almost touching when Louis' eyes, still so bright, narrow just the slightest, and then he's pulling back and away from any of Louis' potential questioning.
They don't talk about it.
*
They go to see Avengers with mates, and it's fine, it's going to be fine, Liam decides. Nothing's going to happen at all. It hasn't been weird or anything since New Zealand, but sometimes their eyes meet and in the silence, Liam wonders if he's thinking about it too.
But this - this is just a movie with a bunch of friends. No problem.
And then Louis literally grabs his wrist on the armrest when Iron Man is falling back to earth and Liam tries not to startle too much (or go into cardiac arrest), and thinks, Why is this my life?
He doesn't release his grip for a long time, staring transfixed at the screen.
Liam squirms a little despite himself, and then Louis seems to come out of it, says, "Sorry," a little too quietly, removes his hand a little too quickly.
He doesn't make it into a joke which, with Louis, is always the biggest warning sign that something actually serious is happening.
Liam thinks about talking to someone about it, Zayn maybe, but God, what if it's all in his head and he's being a colossal idiot and Zayn will tell him that and then make fun of him forever, or worse - what if it's not? What if he has to deal with this thing that he's being trying to ignore with all his will, deal with his feelings or whatever - and yeah, he knows he can be stubborn as fuck about these things, and Louis doesn't make anything easy. But maybe he doesn't want easy.
He can hear Zayn's groan from the other side of the door and then his footsteps as he walks to open the door.
"What's up, Liam?" He knows he's trying hard to be polite after being disturbed. God bless him.
"Can I - uh, talk to you?"
"Well, you're already here, so..." He gestures for him to come in.
"What's this about?" he says when they both sit down on his bed. "Did you murder someone? Are you leaving the band? Have we finally driven you to drugs?"
"It's about Louis."
"Oh, so all three?"
"Do you think he's been weird lately?"
"Do I - Do I think he's been weird lately? This is still Louis we're talking about, right?"
"I mean - not, like, the usual Louis weirdness. Like, something else - something that's been off since New Zealand, for instance."
"Oh, you mean like the fact that he hasn't gotten laid since then?"
"What?!"
"Harry just mentioned it in passing." Zayn shrugs.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah." He finally looks suspicious. "Why do you even want to know anyway?"
"Um...no reason, really. I just - I suppose that's it. I mean, the no sex thing. Yeah, that's definitely it."
He stands up, hoping that's the end of it.
Zayn's eyes follow him to the door though. It's definitely not the end of it.
He knows this for sure when they end up going to the Katy Perry movie together, and Niall was supposed to come with them, he really was, that fucker, but Liam's resigned himself to the fact that his life is the absolute worst by now.
He can't help staring across at Louis every couple minutes though, wondering what's going on inside his head, if he's sad or scared or confused, like Liam is. Or if there are a world of things happening in there that he can't begin to comprehend.
*
They go shopping when they're back in London, because they haven't hung out in a while (outside the studio) and Louis calls him up. Nothing's happened since Avengers, but Zayn still looks at him funny and Liam tries his best to evade him before he asks more questions. He wonders if he's mentioned anything to Louis about their little chat. He's willing to bet no, because Zayn doesn't really like getting involved unnecessarily. He supposes that he's trusting them to work out their own stuff.
Louis finds a The Wanted book in the pound shop and Liam thinks absentmindedly that he's missed his laugh, which is ridiculous, really, because he laughs all the time. But not like this - uncontrolled and real and private. Just for him, he thinks kind of irrationally.
Liam grins at him and he smiles back, and it's not guarded anymore, for the first time in months.
It's a nice reminder, of how much he loves being in Louis' company, loves all the little things they do, without freaking out about what it means, if it means something more. He likes when it's simple, even if their relationship never really has been. This part is.
The more he thinks about it, he can't help but wonder if that's not what dating someone really is about. It's easy to worry about it, to make it complicated and difficult, to focus on all the baggage and the obstacles, and not the things that really matter.
Louis makes him happy, makes everything they've done even better, makes him appreciate this life he's been so lucky to have, makes him appreciate life in general.
He's not going to push him away anymore. And whatever happens he'll just let happen.
*
"Okay, this is ridiculous now," Niall says, storming into his flat.
"What? What is happening?" Liam asks. He's followed by Harry and a long-suffering Zayn.
He tries to communicate some solidarity with his eyes but Zayn just ignores him.
They all just stare at him.
"What?" he says again.
Niall makes a noise of frustration and then practically slams his phone down on the table.
Liam peers down at the screen curiously and oh, oh - that.
So, yeah, they'd gone for a bike ride. The two of them. Alone. And there were pictures, of course. But he didn't expect them to look - well, like that. Louis had smiled a lot and Liam had stared at him a lot, and shit, it's so, so obvious now.
"Explain yourself," Harry says, arms folded across his chest.
"I - I don't -?"
"Let me be clearer. Explain why these look like stills from an indie rom-com starring you and my best friend."
"It was just - we just went for a ride," he says, shrugging, wholly unconvincing.
"Maybe you should have gone skipping through a field of flowers holding hands instead. That would have been more subtle."
"You need to stop," Zayn says bluntly.
"I'm not doing anything," Liam says desperately.
"You need to stop pretending you're not dating."
"What? We're not -"
"It'll just end in heartache on both sides," Niall agrees.
"Louis's already, like, two seconds away from having a full-on cry on me all the bloody time. I think if he keeps pining like this, he might actually die," Harry adds, exasperated.
"What? Louis? What did he tell you?"
"Basically the same rubbish you told Zayn."
Liam glares at Zayn and he has the decency to look almost ashamed.
"You've been dating, like, forever. Please put us all out of our misery and just put your faces together already. And other parts of your anatomy," Niall bursts out.
"Ew," Harry says.
"Did not need those images, mate," Zayn says, jaw clenched.
"Oh, and by the way, he's supposed to be coming here in about ten minutes, so have fun!" Niall says, and then he honest to God cackles before heading back out the door followed by Harry who just winks at him and Zayn who says, "Good luck," like he really means it.
He doesn't even have time to freak out. He just stares into space blankly for a while until there's a knock on the door and he mechanically goes to open it.
"Hey," Louis says, smiling that soft smile he's seen a lot recently when they're alone.
As he steps inside, he realises no one else is there and he looks questioningly at Liam.
"It was a set-up," he says apologetically.
He sits down at the table and Louis says, "Oh," kind of dazed, before joining him.
Liam decides it's now or never and just blurts out, "So apparently we've been dating the whole time I've been having a crisis about wanting to date you."
Louis' eyes get wide and then he's laughing softly. And his cheeks are getting kind of red and oh, this is what making him nervous is like. It's basically the best feeling in the entire universe, and Liam's sung in front of thousands of people and had his album debut at number one and he's jumped off a bridge and not died and then almost flew.
Louis hasn't been so quiet for so long in all the time Liam's known him. He just slides his hand across the table and covers Liam's with it.
Then he says, "If you're asking me if I want to date you while knowing we're dating, the answer's yes."
They just stare at each other for a long while, matching smiles on their faces.
And then Louis turns into Louis again, says, "So what do we do now?"
"Niall thinks we should put our faces together. And other things." And now Liam's blushing and Louis is looking at him like he's the most endearing thing he's ever seen. It's strange now, but so amazing too, that they're allowed this. Allowed to feel all of it without being afraid of it. They've both been so protective of their emotions but it feels like a relief, to just let it all go. It feels like finally taking that last step off a platform, finally being free.
Louis leans over the table to kiss him, and it's just a gentle brush of lips, but when he tries to move back, Liam pulls him in by his collar to kiss him properly. Louis makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat and when they finally part, he mutters, "Knew you'd like it rough," with the cheekiest fucking grin.
Their first real date is popcorn and The Notebook (Harry had somehow planted a bunch of romance movies in his flat) on his couch and when they're making out during the credits and Louis pulls away to say, "You're my favourite, Liam Payne," he tells him, "You're my favourite too."