shadow days are over
Harry/Louis, Will/Ed. High school AU! With twins! For Naomi, obviously.
He sees Harry first, because everyone always sees Harry first. Only when he's done charming the pants off of you will Ed peek his head around him and do that weird half-hearted wave without making eye-contact. Will knows exactly how it works, because he's been doing the same thing from behind Louis as long as he can remember.
Once you fall into a habit, it's hard to get out of it. Maybe they don't really want to. Maybe it's easier this way.
*
The thing is, it's pretty daunting to look at someone and see all the best parts of you in them. It's like you start to wonder what's the point of you being here at all. And it's about balance, maybe, but that seems to not matter when one shines so brightly and the other becomes an afterthought. An inferior copy. Will was born five and a half minutes after Louis, and he doesn't ever seem to let him forget it.
So, Louis takes the lead, and Will is resigned to ever follow.
*
It's not like he doesn't have friends or anything. It's just, he and his friends hang out a lot in his room studying, and Louis seems to think he's doing him a huge favour by getting him invited to parties he really has no interest in.
"Come on," he says. "Maybe you'll meet a girl."
Only he's not interested in that either.
Louis waves it away when he says that. "Boy, whatever."
It's not really a big deal or anything, his sexuality. (And Will knows almost for a fact that Louis hooked up with Harry at Niall Horan's huge bash a couple weeks ago. But they're not a thing. He doesn't like putting labels on anything. He just likes attractive people and having fun with said attractive people. Harry seems to be much the same.)
He asks if Harry's going to be there, and Louis looks at him strangely, like he's totally forgotten about it, before saying, "I don't know. Maybe."
Will can't ever imagine being like that. Not getting involved, not caring. It's probably why he's always been better at holding back. When he gets invested, it's for good.
Louis slips in and out of things, can never make up his mind about what he wants, can never settle, is never satisfied. Maybe he decides having everything (even for a short time) is better than having nothing.
Will will put up with nothing until he finds something that's worth the risk.
*
Harry's there, and that means Ed's slumped on a couch looking bored, checking his phone every two seconds.
Will sits on the other side of the couch, and Ed just gives him a tiny nod of acknowledgement before going back to Angry Birds or whatever.
They've actually never interacted much, apart from rolling their eyes at each other when one or both of their brothers did something epically stupid and got in trouble for it.
It's just - it's there. They're the other Styles boy and the other Tomlinson boy. And maybe if they hung out, it would feel predictable and pathetic and it would hang over their heads forever. They'd never be able to escape it.
So, Will hangs out with Liam, who's the nicest guy in school, and sometimes his girlfriend Danielle and sometimes Niall who's known Liam since childhood and is pretty much friends with everyone in their year. Will knows Ed usually hangs out Zayn and his artist friends, even though he's not an artist, but he dresses like he could be, maybe.
Will doesn't get why Ed still keeps tagging along to these things. He's sure his parents don't force him to get out of the house and socialise like Will's mum does. So that must mean he actually chose to be here.
"Why are you here?" And it's blunt and direct and not the kind of thing he ever asks.
Ed just looks at him out of the corner of his eye before gesturing towards the kitchen and saying, "Someone has to take care of him."
And when he looks up, he realises Harry and Louis are arguing. And Harry looks pretty drunk, sort of swaying on his feet as he yells at him, and Louis looks like he wants to not be there at all, like he wants to sink into the floor. And they always fight, over everything, girls especially, and this is different, but they'll probably get over this too.
Get over it and sober up and realise this isn't who they are. They don't get attached. They don't get hurt.
Except for when they do.
And oh, that's what they're here for. They're here to take care of their better halves when they make a mess of themselves. They're here to put them back together. And maybe they resent it, but they do it. They'll always do it.
*
Louis's is really, really quiet on the way home. And Will can tell he's not even near drunk. He'll have to remember every second of Harry screaming at him, and he hadn't heard all of it, but there were some pretty loaded words in there.
When Louis's in the bathroom, he grabs his phone. He sends a text, knowing Ed had pried Harry's phone out of his hand before he could throw it across the room at Louis.
pretty sure our brothers are in love w/ each other
He gets back a reply almost instantly.
yeah, sucks for us
He deletes both texts, settles into his bed.
He only closes his eyes when Louis comes back into the room and gets into bed too.
*
Will finds him at his locker the next day.
"Hey, how is he?"
"Physically, he's fine. I think he's embarrassed though," Ed says, shrugging.
"Embarrassed? That's all?"
"He kind of admitted to half our year that he's hung-up on a guy who'll never say that he feels the same way about him. How would you feel?"
"Wouldn't know," Will says softly, honest, before he can stop himself.
Ed sighs.
"Harry - Harry's used to putting himself out there. He's not used to rejection."
"I don't think Louis really rejected him though."
"Really?" Ed says raising an eyebrow skeptically. "Were you there?"
"Yeah, but you weren't there after. You didn't see his face in the car. I think he wanted to put his fist through the windshield. Or his head."
Ed looks kind of unsure for a moment, maybe even sorry.
He wonders why he thought they'd do anything but defend their brothers. He realises it's not a surprise at all that their first real conversation revolved entirely around them.
"So what do we do?"
"What do you mean?" Will asks, genuinely confused.
"We take of them, right? Let's take care of it." He looks pretty determined.
"I don't think it's that simple though. I think they have to deal with this on their own."
"That's probably the worst idea ever, you know."
"Yeah, I know."
*
Will finds him on the swingset in the park they've been going to since they could walk. He sits on the swing marked with his initials on the bottom, next to Louis'.
"He's getting over you," he says.
"That's good." Louis' expression doesn't change.
"No, it's not."
"He's better off. You know that."
"Is he really? I don't think he is. I don't think not being with the person you love - I don't think that's better off."
"He's better off without me," Louis clarifies.
"God, you're such a self-loathing bastard."
"Shouldn't I be? I mean, you hate me."
"I don't hate you, you asshole."
"You should though."
"Yeah, maybe I should."
"Why don't you?"
"Because I wouldn't be here without you."
"You'd be better off without me too, I reckon."
"Probably."
It's not true though. He's always needed Louis, to take the hits for him, to protect him, to be strong for him even when he couldn't be strong for himself. It's never been arrogance, always bravery. And Will knows that.
"You need to tell him," Will says, because he needs to believe that Louis can be stronger, stronger than him, strong for both of them.
"Tell him what exactly?"
"That it wasn't just sex. That it meant something and that scared you and instead of admitting it, you let him think it was just another hook-up."
Louis looks at him and Will knows, knows that it must be hard too, to face your most vulnerable self.
Then he nods.
*
Will goes with him over to Harry's. He and Ed sit in the living room while they talk upstairs in his bedroom. Ed has his finger marking a place in his book but he's not reading. They're both just silent, listening, waiting, wondering if maybe they'll just know somehow whether it goes right or wrong.
They don't though, but Harry and Louis come down the stairs and they're holding hands and obviously trying not to smile too hard. They both look at each of their brothers and a silent message seems to be communicated, and that's it, that's the end of it.
*
It's easier somehow after that, playing the third and fourth wheels. They don't always though, realising they don't have to, that Harry and Louis can take care of each other now.
They meet up with Zayn and they tease Ed about being a hipster. ("I like you," Zayn says, nodding appreciatively. Will just smiles kind of awkwardly.)
"Are those glasses even real?" he asks, and Zayn lets out a bark of laughter.
"Are yours?" he retorts, pretty weakly.
"Yeah, I've had glasses forever. Louis used to wear them too, but then he got, you know, all cool and shit."
"I know that," Ed says, and then looks down at his drink like he regrets saying it.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean I remember seeing both of you when you were kids. Walking down the street or whatever. Louis always in front."
"He used to hold my hand and hiss at big dogs. He thought he was a badass or something," Will says, smiling nostalgically.
"I wonder how long Harry's liked him," Ed says softly.
"Probably forever. If he's as good as hiding things as Louis is."
"He's really not though."
"Not like you?"
"No," Ed admits.
They just kind of stare at each other for a while before Zayn clears his throat nervously, says he's going out for a smoke.
The moment ends and Ed goes back to being his nonchalant, aloof self, but something changes, maybe just in the way he bites his lip and looks away sometimes, like it's harder now to not say all the things he's kept hidden.
*
Ed gives him a ride home from school one day because Louis had buggered off with Harry to do whatever they do.
"Do you want to do something?" he asks casually, looking over at him, hipster glasses traded for Ray Bans.
"Yeah, whatever."
They end up at Ed's favourite record shop, just browsing, listening to the music coming through the speakers.
"This is good," Will admits despite himself. "Who is it?"
"Two Door Cinema Club," Ed says without missing a beat. "Yeah, their stuff's decent."
"Are you into music then? I mean, I know Harry is."
"I don't know. Sometimes." He shrugs. "I've written some things. They're more like poems anyway. Harry tries to sing them sometimes."
"Have you shown anyone else?" he asks, although he knows the answer.
Ed looks up from a Ramones record to shake his head.
"It's weird now," he says, and it's probably one of those things he's been trying to hold in finally escaping.
"What do you mean?"
"He's always been fragile. Even when he was confident and outgoing and all, you know, Harry. And now, it's like -"
"He doesn't need you anymore?" Will finishes.
"Yeah," he says softly. "I guess."
"It should be a good thing."
"But it doesn't feel like it."
Will gets it. Will gets it better than anyone. It's never been about one of them being the strong one, about one of them being dependent, but about both of them always needing each other.
*
He finds the album in his locker the next day, and he picks it up gingerly and stares at it like it's going to explode.
Only Louis grabs it out of his hand before he can process what it means.
"What is this hipster shit? See what hanging out with - Wait, did Ed give you this?"
"So what if he did?"
"You've been hanging out a lot," he says, stating the obvious as usual.
"Well, you and Harry have been stuck together at the tongue for the last month."
"You have other friends," he says pointedly.
"Really? Now is when you'll finally admit that?"
"Quit deflecting. What's with you and Ed?"
"I don't know."
"You know everything."
"And now is when you'll admit that too?"
"You're an asshole, you know. Like just as much as I am."
"Well, that seems to be working out for you."
"Yeah, it is," he says just as Harry comes along and slings an arm around his waist, buries his face in Louis' neck.
"Hey, guess what?" Louis says. "Ed has a crush on our young Will here."
Harry's eyes get really wide in that way that makes him look slightly deranged.
"Holy shit. Really? We should go on a double date!"
Will slams his locker door shut then, decides this has gone on way too long, and walks away.
*
So, Will doesn't really get it. It's just, everything's happening so fast and he's not great with change. He kind of just wants it all to slow down and make sense again. Thinking about it, Harry and Louis do make sense though. They've been friends for ages and although they've kind of become experts at hurting each other, they always come back to each other. It's wild and passionate and a bit insane and they run that risk of burning too bright and then burning out. But that makes it all worth it somehow. Will's never going to have that. He's much too careful. And Ed's even more careful, with his perfectly put together image and his poems that no one ever sees and his short, clipped sentences, never giving away too much. It's not - it's probably not going to work, whatever this thing is that they potentially could have. Because Will overanalyses everything and Ed holds his cards too tightly to the chest and it all has the makings of a huge disaster.
He calls him though, because he's not good at unresolved things, he has to be sure, he has to know.
*
He meets him at the park, and it's sort of become one of those places where important things happen, good or bad. (When their parents had told them they were divorcing, they'd sat on their swings for a long while, not saying anything. Louis had broken first (after weeks and weeks of telling Will it'd be okay, they'd all be fine, trying to make himself believe it), and Will had knelt in the sand in front of him and held him while he cried.)
They sit on the edge of the sandpit this time, not too close but not too far away either.
"Did you like your present?"
"Yeah, I mean you said it was good."
"And you believed me?"
"I figure you don't lie about things you care about."
"Oh, that's what you figure?"
"Yeah," Will says firmly.
There's a hint of a smile on his lips now.
"Harry was asking me some weird questions today."
Will grimaces. "Sorry about that. Louis has a big mouth."
"Double date?" Ed asks, looking kind of confused.
"They're really so not as cool as they think they are."
"Maybe we're the cool ones."
"Yeah, maybe."
"So, do you want to?"
"Want to what?"
"Start a cool, epic relationship that all the lesser mortals will be jealous of?"
"Are you asking me out, Edward?"
He kinds of screws up his face at the name, but then he smiles.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Well, okay, I think I'm saying yes then."
"Alright. Cool."
"Yeah. Totally cool."
Their hands are kind of dangerously close now and Will takes a deep breath before closing the distance and resting his on Ed's. Ed responds by interlocking their fingers properly.
*
Ed is the only thing he sees when he gets to school the next morning.
He's not hiding behind Harry anymore, not hiding behind himself.
Will kisses him in the hallway and Louis whoops from somewhere while Harry laughs a bit giddily and it's all pretty great.