Tired
Just a lousy month, March was. Despite celebrating a birthday in it.
Wife's health continues to be poor. Prognosis is...not sure. The COPD will never get better, but we are currently stalled awaiting specialist appointments. And she seems to slide backwards a bit each week. She's doing everything she's been told, but there are still unanswered questions. The emotional whiplash she suffers with this certainly acts as a negative "force multiplier."
I love the company I work for, and I'm doing what I'm good at (or good at most of it...), but it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks today that I'm tired of doing this job. Not tired of the people, they're marvelous. Not tired of learning and doing new and cool things. I still love to learn. But, tired of the insane dance dictated by a government financial system whose first principle I've never fully understood, i.e.: Spend all your money in the fiscal year you get it. (Or the two-year time frame, or...it gets complicated.) No brownie points for frugality or being an efficient steward of public monies.
In any other business, if I brought in a $2 million R&D program a couple of hundred-thousand under budget, but still on time and delivered the new technical capability, I'd be a hero.
If I do that in this role, I'm considered a bad manager (by the government at least).
Don't worry gentle reader; I will properly, legally, and expeditiously expend all assigned funds by completion of the project deadline. No other option is acceptable.
But Lord...I wouldn't mind a new line of work.
Checked out a local karate school that teaches Iaido. Looks like lots of fun, the people were very nice, and the Master even took time to explain things directly to me even though I was just sitting in the peanut gallery But there are only two classes a month. And if I understand the language on the website, I can't train any other style if I'm doing that. I'll ask for clarification, I don't know if it means I can't train *anything* or they restrict folks to their empty hand style. Except their empty hand style doesn't really interest me.
I'm really missing my old dojo this evening. I gotta say, this being a Ronin pretty much sucks.
Just tired.
I should quit my whining, tie my hakama back up and get to it.
Carry on.