Living Right Is In the Trying
Chapter Thirteen
Dean was barely able to stand to take a shower but he forced himself, wanting to erase the sweat and general gross feeling from his skin. It helped that Castiel sobered up enough to steady him whenever he listed too far to one side. After they were both well rinsed and dry, they crawled under the sheets of Dean’s bed and Dean let himself be spooned and cocooned by soft wings. Castiel carded his slender fingers through his hair repeatedly and little by little he felt himself starting to doze off.
Fighting it just bit he swallowed hard and said, “I thought I’d lost you.”
Castiel kept playing with his hair. “But you didn’t.” Pause. “Dean I understand that it is difficult for you to comprehend because of many different factors but you are worthy of sacrifice. It was easy for me to go with Crowley because I was protecting you. You would have done the same for me. Knowing that it made giving up my freedom to keep you safe quite easy.”
Dean snuggled back against him. “I wouldn’t have been okay if anything had happened to you. I-it’s-” He closed his eyes. “Would it freak you out if I said I was falling for you like big time?”
Castiel chuckled. “No. Would it freak you out if I said the same?”
“Maybe a little.” He said honestly. “But not enough to make me run away. You’re easily the best thing that has ever happened to me, Cas. If it wasn’t so fucken cheesy…I’d…tell you that I love you.”
“Hm. Well if it wasn’t so cheesy I’d tell you that I love you too.” Castiel kissed his ear and slipped his arm carefully around his waist. “Get some rest Dean. I am not going anywhere. I promise.”
Dean didn’t usually do what people told him to do but he figured for Castiel he’d make an exception.
~*~
It was the next morning when Castiel opened his eyes. He yawned and stretched his legs, smiling when Dean frowned and tried to get closer to him which was basically impossible. They were already smack together; nice and warm and safe. Yesterday seemed nearly like a dream especially considering the drugs that were in his system. He had no clue how he was able to pull it together to shoot Crowley. Perhaps it was God giving him the strength to protect himself and the man he cared about. He felt a sense of remorse over it and would have preferred for Crowley to live and go to jail, but he understood there was most likely no other way things could have turned out. Crowley would have continued to hunt them even if they ran.
His only hope now was that Brady honored the terms of his agreement with Gabriel.
It seems that I am finally free. Free of Zachariah and Crowley.
Castiel knew exactly how he wanted to begin the next phase of his life. “Dean? Wake up. We should get going.”
Dean groaned and pressed his face into his feathers. “Going where?”
Very slowly Castiel slipped his wing from underneath him and sat up. “California. I would very much like to meet your brother.”
“You sure?” Dean was nearly wide awake now and looking slightly fearful. “‘Cause Cas ya know you don’t have to come with me. After yesterday I don’t expect-”
“Stop.” He touched Dean’s lips. “I’m going to pack and then we can go. Okay?”
“Okay.” Dean whispered. “Okay.”
Castiel smiled and dressed, putting on the shirt that allowed his wings to remain out. He edged through the doorway and extended them once he was outside, letting them take in the cool morning air. He was not surprised that the first person he saw was Gabriel, standing with his hands in his pockets and simply gazing out at the horizon.
“You are up early.”
Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly. “I actually slept pretty well so…” He kicked at the ground. “Something you want to tell me?”
It is remarkable how well he knows me. “Dean will be leaving for California soon and I-I will be going with him.”
Gabriel hummed in response. “I figured as much. Well I can’t say that things will be the same around here without you but I get it. Deano makes you happy so I’m happy for you. But hey, if he gets weird or whatever you call me and I will come and get you. And egg his car.”
Castiel laughed. “You have been the best friend and brother that I could ever ask for. You saved me when I had no one and I will be eternally grateful to you.”
Gabriel ducked his head. “Yeah yeah. You’re okay for an adopted younger brother. Just take care of yourself, dude. Oh and name your first born Gabriel.”
“We shall do that.” Castiel smirked.
“I’ll round up the gang then so that everyone can say goodbye.” Gabriel rubbed his hands together. “Lazy bums need to get up anyway.”
“Will you be alright here without me?”
“Balthazar will keep me in line and I’m sure there are other special people out there that need my help. This place is more of a safe haven anyway if we are being honest.”
“I am sure they will be very comfortable here. I know I was.”
“Yeah but you’re easy to please. Go on pack your knick knacks. I’m gonna get Dean more of Rufus’ pills for the road.”
~*~
After shoving Castiel’s suitcases into the Impala’s trunk, Dean snapped it closed and hobbled around to the front of the car. He was sore, aching and bandaged but his mood couldn’t have been lighter. He wasn’t going to call Sam and tell them he was coming because he wanted it to be a surprise. Also there was a chance his brother might cry and he lived for those moments. But yeah he was pretty stoked. Anything could happen but he was focusing on the good shit for once. It wasn’t easy but whenever he felt that guilt and worthlessness creeping into his soul he just thought of Castiel and it got a little better. If someone as awesome as Cas thought he was worthy then there had to be some truth to it. Right?
He plopped down gently onto the hood and smiled as Rufus ambled over. “Come to gimme more grief, old man?”
Rufus snorted. “Nah not this time. You did fix a lot of shit around here for me so you’re okay. You take care of yourself, and Castiel, alright? You’re a good kid.”
Dean shook his hand. “Thank you.”
“Dean!” Andy hurried up still in his pajamas and bathrobe with Ava and Jake trailing behind him. “We just wanted to say bye, man. It’s been a blast having you here.”
Jake grinned. “Yeah. You definitely helped make things interesting.”
“Promise you’ll keep in touch.” Ava touched his arm.
“I will I promise.” Dean chuckled. “You guys are an odd bunch but I liked hanging out with you. Tell Jo and Ellen I said bye by the way. I’d run by there but I wanna get on the road before the traffic gets too bad.”
“Will do.” Jake said. “She’ll be sad to hear you’ve gone.”
Heh. “Yeah but something tells me she’ll get over it pretty quickly.”
~*~
Balthazar glanced over to where Dean and the others were chatting. “Don’t suppose I can talk you out of this?”
Castiel followed his gaze. “No. However leaving everyone isn’t easy. Especially you. You’re my best friend.”
His friend sighed deeply. “I am going to miss you, Cassy. But…I suppose Dean isn’t all bad. I still don’t like him or anything.”
“Of course not.” Castiel hugged him tightly, humor in his voice. “I will keep in touch, and you can always come and visit. Make sure that Dean is treating me well.”
“I am going to hold you to that.” He replied giving Castiel a squeeze. “Oh Cassy. Do you have any idea how remarkable you are? Before meeting you I didn’t care about much of anything except money and having a good time. But you taught me that I didn’t have to be rich to find the value in living a good, clean life. You’ve been a great friend to me and although I wish we could have been more, I’m still happy to have had you anyway I could.”
“You are going to make me cry.” Castiel pulled back and wiped his eyes. He knew beforehand that it was going to be tough saying goodbye to everyone but he had no idea it was going to be so dramatic. “And I was doing so well. I will miss you my friend. But we will see each other again. I could never just turn my back on this place or any of the people here. You’re my family.”
Balthazar took his face in his hands. “You are mine as well. I want you to be happy, Castiel. I don’t particularly like Dean but I know that he cares about you immensely and that he will take care of you. It makes letting you go a bit easier though not by much.” A beat. “Anyway though I want you to call the moment you reach California so that we know you’re alright. Otherwise knowing Gabriel he might be inclined to follow you.”
Castiel snickered; that sounded like Gabriel. “I promise. You have my word.”
~*~
Dean watched as Balthazar pecked Castiel’s lips in a quick kiss and grunted inwardly, rolling his green eyes. He slung his British arm around Castiel’s shoulders and walked him over to Dean, letting him go rather reluctantly.
I know the feeling. “Ready?”
“Wait! Wait!” Gabriel dashed out of his trailer waving his camera. “I want a picture before you two love pigeons blow the nest.”
Castiel sidled up beside Dean and Gabriel snapped two photos with a big grin. “Perfect. Have a safe trip. No blow jobs while driving and all that.”
Balthazar shook Dean’s hand, tightening once before letting go. “Be good to Cassy or I’ll find you and hurt you.”
Dean snorted. “Don’t worry I will. Thanks to all of you for making me feel so welcomed here. I’m not gonna just go out to California and never call again or whatever. I wanna keep in touch.”
“You better.” Gabriel mused. “I gotta know you’re keeping my little brother in the life he is accustomed to.”
Everyone said their goodbyes once again with last minute hugs and threats, and then Castiel and Dean climbed into the Impala.
Dean started the engine and took one last look at the Menagerie before driving along the dirt path that led to the road. Once they were on the highway he turned on the cassette player and slouched, grinning when Castiel scooted closer so that he could put his arm around his shoulders. “Huh.”
Castiel looked at him. His face was open and totally serene, not a single hint that he regretted his decision to leave because he didn’t. “Hm?”
“Nah it’s just something Ava said to me that night I first saw your wings.” He nibbled on his bottom lip. “She said that I would be in a better place emotionally when I finally decided to go to California. I’d forgotten about it to be honest. You think she saw this?”
Castiel nodded and kissed his jaw. “I do. I think she saw it all from the very beginning but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to change the outcome.”
That makes sense. “Huh. Cool I guess.”
“Do you think you are in a better place emotionally?” Castiel inquired lightly.
Dean stared out at the scenery flashing by, his mind touching on his parents and his life before and after their deaths. On Sammy and how they were trying to mend their slightly strained relationship, on the fact that hopefully it couldn’t go anywhere but up considering what they’d been through. And then it settled on Castiel and his intense stares and soft smiles. The one person that had never given up on him, that had saw through all of his bullshit and insecurities and yet still found him to be worthy. The one man that was willing to uproot his entire life just to be by his side because he loved him and wanted to prove that that love was not misplaced and totally deserved.
The man with wings-Dean’s very own angel that would always look out for him while he looked out for everyone else.
“I’m not one hundred percent there, no.” He smiled at Castiel and it grew when Castiel smiled back, filling him with a peace he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. “But I’ve found someone to help get me the rest of the way and far beyond. And…it’s more than I ever allowed myself to hope for. So thanks Cas, for being, you.”
Castiel snuggled against him and rubbed his thigh, slotting their fingers together. “You’re welcome Dean.”
~Fin~
Master post