Who needs enemies ...
You know you've been leading an interesting life when you sit down and are not completely sure what you'll write about. A lot has been happening that I really should share, especially the things that will mean little to anyone except me. But, as tends to happen, with so much going on, I haven't had a chance and when I do, other things make their way to forefront and you all have to suffer through another one of my stupid introspective moods. But hey, thats why you can choose to skip it, right?
A topic that has been at the forefront of my mind recently is friends. To be honest, it hasn't really left my mind since sometime last year when I started to realise where things were headed and what they could mean. And as such I was deathly afraid of losing the people I cared so much for. And then when it all went down, it didn't seem to change things. People were still there, still willing to chat and help and all the rest. And it felt good. Good to know that I had been wrong and that things made sense.
Boy, was I wrong. And the funny thing is that it has nothing to do with what happened (or at least doesn't seem to). I just seem to have stepped out at just the wrong moment and now everything has changed so significantly that I can't seem to find my way back. And even if I could, I've also realised that I know next to nothing about some of the people who up until a short while ago, I thought I knew.
It really is amazing to watch though. I mean, train wrecks are beautiful things, right? But not all of them fall into that category, some are actually for the good, but when so much of it isn't, you start only picking up on the bad.
And now I sit here and contemplate how to move forward with it. Do I try to reconnect with people who promised that they would be there for me and who have all but disappeared when I have gone searching? Do I try and shake some sense into those that I feel are not only hurting themselves, but also those around them by their actions, which seem to be driven by nothing even resembling common sense? Or do I move on and try and find new people to call friends, leaving those that have supported me behind.
Yeah, I sound like a stupid kid or whatever, but its so hard looking at people you thought you knew and finding that you know nothing. You expect it to happen from time to time and on an individual basis, but not in quite so large a contingent. And thus you are led to asking whether your instincts are broken, whether you can trust anything you get or whether to dismiss it as a flight of fancy. Always fearing to step forward into that bright unknown because you're convince that you are wrong.
But its not all doom and gloom. I have been pleasantly surprised by some people who I thought I had lost for the most part. Or by others who have just re-affirmed my belief in them. They give me hope that things are not all that they seem, that I'm not completely blind. Just mostly. With a tiny pin prick through which the light can filter.
I find it funny when I am told to stop being so hopeful. Those saying it never seem to quite realise how important to me it is. Because if it wasn't for that hope, for whatever it is I seem to hold on to, I would probably be in a state where it would be more humane to put me down. So now you know the secret behind the mask.
So yeah, if you got all that and understand, good for you, because I sure as hell don't. If you didn't, well, you're probably a better person than me anyways. To all those friends that complicate my life, I thank thee for making me grow as a person, and to all of you that are just there, I thank thee for making sure I don't crack my head too badly when I fall.
... with friends like these.
A topic that has been at the forefront of my mind recently is friends. To be honest, it hasn't really left my mind since sometime last year when I started to realise where things were headed and what they could mean. And as such I was deathly afraid of losing the people I cared so much for. And then when it all went down, it didn't seem to change things. People were still there, still willing to chat and help and all the rest. And it felt good. Good to know that I had been wrong and that things made sense.
Boy, was I wrong. And the funny thing is that it has nothing to do with what happened (or at least doesn't seem to). I just seem to have stepped out at just the wrong moment and now everything has changed so significantly that I can't seem to find my way back. And even if I could, I've also realised that I know next to nothing about some of the people who up until a short while ago, I thought I knew.
It really is amazing to watch though. I mean, train wrecks are beautiful things, right? But not all of them fall into that category, some are actually for the good, but when so much of it isn't, you start only picking up on the bad.
And now I sit here and contemplate how to move forward with it. Do I try to reconnect with people who promised that they would be there for me and who have all but disappeared when I have gone searching? Do I try and shake some sense into those that I feel are not only hurting themselves, but also those around them by their actions, which seem to be driven by nothing even resembling common sense? Or do I move on and try and find new people to call friends, leaving those that have supported me behind.
Yeah, I sound like a stupid kid or whatever, but its so hard looking at people you thought you knew and finding that you know nothing. You expect it to happen from time to time and on an individual basis, but not in quite so large a contingent. And thus you are led to asking whether your instincts are broken, whether you can trust anything you get or whether to dismiss it as a flight of fancy. Always fearing to step forward into that bright unknown because you're convince that you are wrong.
But its not all doom and gloom. I have been pleasantly surprised by some people who I thought I had lost for the most part. Or by others who have just re-affirmed my belief in them. They give me hope that things are not all that they seem, that I'm not completely blind. Just mostly. With a tiny pin prick through which the light can filter.
I find it funny when I am told to stop being so hopeful. Those saying it never seem to quite realise how important to me it is. Because if it wasn't for that hope, for whatever it is I seem to hold on to, I would probably be in a state where it would be more humane to put me down. So now you know the secret behind the mask.
So yeah, if you got all that and understand, good for you, because I sure as hell don't. If you didn't, well, you're probably a better person than me anyways. To all those friends that complicate my life, I thank thee for making me grow as a person, and to all of you that are just there, I thank thee for making sure I don't crack my head too badly when I fall.
... with friends like these.