I need to vent big time..
Ok so lately I've had mix emotions.
Mainly with this so called "relationship" I'm having with Sedona. Ok she is one of the most difficult girls to understand. One minute she's pissed at me the next she "loves me. Which brings me to my next point. Okay I told a few people there is no such thing as love, I would never get attached to anyone, etc. Well I lied. I'm attached big time. The problem is I can't break free. She HAS to be near me or I'm sad. So yesterday I made *someone* talk to Sedona to find out if she still has feelings for me..basically if she "loved me." Apparently I found out a few things that I really wasn't expecting. Of course I was sad but being Danny got over it. So then today I went up to Sedona talked to her and so on and so forth. I told her I made that *someone* talk to her and I read everything. She got mad and sad..at the same time..and she cried. She thought she was a bitch and in a way she was but I'm not getting into that. So then after 1st period she's fine. Here is the topper! I found out right now some things that made me think and re think this entire relationship thing over. I'm seriously thinking negative thoughts right now and on the verge of doing something drastic ( not to myself. ) Have I mentioned I'm pissed off out of my fucking mind?
Then I got my retainer today. That's fun.
Also Highschool is tough. I don't care who says what to this but man it is. So many things you have to look up to. Classes, FCAT, Florida Writes, SAT, Friends, Family, Teachers, Grades, etc. It is really fucking tough. I mean I understand fully why people want to drop out. I get fucking sad over a 74% I got on a Science Test. But man this year is so..DRAMA FILLED. I have never had so much drama in a year in my life. It is really so worthless too because afterwards it's all done and forgotten. I mean if you took a count of how many times I said I hate drama..well..that will leave you busy. And it consists of not only school-filled drama but Friend-drama. This entire year has been friend-drama. Who is mad at who. Who hates who. Who isn't talking to who. Who fought who. Who likes who. Who cheated on who. It is so bullshit. Come on we are 14-15-16-17-18 years old. We have a future. Not OMG JOHN MADE OUT WITH JEN AND NOW AMANDA IS PISSED!!!! It is so stupid come on. I mean why can't I have a normal day without NOTHING bad happening. Is someone out there playing puppeteer with me and I'm their puppet. Well they really need to cut the strings because I'm sick of this shit. I've also become very uhh straight forward this year. Like I'm going to tell you..near the middle of the year..I wanted to kill myself..why? Because of the drama. But then I realized woah? WHY? It is gonna get settled anyway? So why bother let people cry and mourn and waste your life over something so STUPID. Yeah, when you're crippled you think a lot..believe me.
Also this surgery is making me fucking pissed as shit. Okay yes I'm healing fine and out of that satanic wheelchair but I'm in pain EVERYDAY when I get home because of all the walking I do at school. Everyone is like "man I wish I was crippled!" THE HELL YOU DON'T! This is the worst thing that has happened to me so far. It brings tears to my eyes because the pain is so uhh painful haha. But hey at least I am walking right? Only a couple more weeks/months and I'll be in physical therapy and walking normal again so fuck it.
Oh and also I think I WAS in love..But what is love? Seriously what is it? Because apparently I don't know. Im confused as the next person. Yeah I'm stupid. YOUR 15! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! GET OVER IT! Well I'm sorry I can't. I was so attached that it was like..a tick on skin. Seriously. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should just let it flow or let it go ( ya I rhymed fucker. ) I will have to just think over it. It is tough don't get me wrong, I just hope no one hates me after the decisions I make. I mean it was all fine and dandy when everyone was happy and having a good time..looking forward to parties and going to the movies. Now it has gone down hill. Everyone is fighting, calling each other names, cutting, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, cheating on people, the list goes on and on and on. I guess this is high school. Man I can't wait to see what our lives are going to be after high school because it isn't going to pretty if this shit stays the same.
Let summer come please..very fast.
I doubt everyone or anyone will read the entire thing..just browse I guess. Opinions are great, criticism is awesome too, facts, yelling, venting what ever is fine too. I'm leaving it public. I want people to read this.
Mainly with this so called "relationship" I'm having with Sedona. Ok she is one of the most difficult girls to understand. One minute she's pissed at me the next she "loves me. Which brings me to my next point. Okay I told a few people there is no such thing as love, I would never get attached to anyone, etc. Well I lied. I'm attached big time. The problem is I can't break free. She HAS to be near me or I'm sad. So yesterday I made *someone* talk to Sedona to find out if she still has feelings for me..basically if she "loved me." Apparently I found out a few things that I really wasn't expecting. Of course I was sad but being Danny got over it. So then today I went up to Sedona talked to her and so on and so forth. I told her I made that *someone* talk to her and I read everything. She got mad and sad..at the same time..and she cried. She thought she was a bitch and in a way she was but I'm not getting into that. So then after 1st period she's fine. Here is the topper! I found out right now some things that made me think and re think this entire relationship thing over. I'm seriously thinking negative thoughts right now and on the verge of doing something drastic ( not to myself. ) Have I mentioned I'm pissed off out of my fucking mind?
Then I got my retainer today. That's fun.
Also Highschool is tough. I don't care who says what to this but man it is. So many things you have to look up to. Classes, FCAT, Florida Writes, SAT, Friends, Family, Teachers, Grades, etc. It is really fucking tough. I mean I understand fully why people want to drop out. I get fucking sad over a 74% I got on a Science Test. But man this year is so..DRAMA FILLED. I have never had so much drama in a year in my life. It is really so worthless too because afterwards it's all done and forgotten. I mean if you took a count of how many times I said I hate drama..well..that will leave you busy. And it consists of not only school-filled drama but Friend-drama. This entire year has been friend-drama. Who is mad at who. Who hates who. Who isn't talking to who. Who fought who. Who likes who. Who cheated on who. It is so bullshit. Come on we are 14-15-16-17-18 years old. We have a future. Not OMG JOHN MADE OUT WITH JEN AND NOW AMANDA IS PISSED!!!! It is so stupid come on. I mean why can't I have a normal day without NOTHING bad happening. Is someone out there playing puppeteer with me and I'm their puppet. Well they really need to cut the strings because I'm sick of this shit. I've also become very uhh straight forward this year. Like I'm going to tell you..near the middle of the year..I wanted to kill myself..why? Because of the drama. But then I realized woah? WHY? It is gonna get settled anyway? So why bother let people cry and mourn and waste your life over something so STUPID. Yeah, when you're crippled you think a lot..believe me.
Also this surgery is making me fucking pissed as shit. Okay yes I'm healing fine and out of that satanic wheelchair but I'm in pain EVERYDAY when I get home because of all the walking I do at school. Everyone is like "man I wish I was crippled!" THE HELL YOU DON'T! This is the worst thing that has happened to me so far. It brings tears to my eyes because the pain is so uhh painful haha. But hey at least I am walking right? Only a couple more weeks/months and I'll be in physical therapy and walking normal again so fuck it.
Oh and also I think I WAS in love..But what is love? Seriously what is it? Because apparently I don't know. Im confused as the next person. Yeah I'm stupid. YOUR 15! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! GET OVER IT! Well I'm sorry I can't. I was so attached that it was like..a tick on skin. Seriously. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should just let it flow or let it go ( ya I rhymed fucker. ) I will have to just think over it. It is tough don't get me wrong, I just hope no one hates me after the decisions I make. I mean it was all fine and dandy when everyone was happy and having a good time..looking forward to parties and going to the movies. Now it has gone down hill. Everyone is fighting, calling each other names, cutting, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, cheating on people, the list goes on and on and on. I guess this is high school. Man I can't wait to see what our lives are going to be after high school because it isn't going to pretty if this shit stays the same.
Let summer come please..very fast.
I doubt everyone or anyone will read the entire thing..just browse I guess. Opinions are great, criticism is awesome too, facts, yelling, venting what ever is fine too. I'm leaving it public. I want people to read this.