i stand in awe of the Great Unseen:
i'm learning to come to conclusions.
sometimes, it really bothers me when people pity me and go out of their way to treat me differently. but oddly enough, sometimes i like being treated differently, if it's from the right person, because i have an inferiority complex. but most times, i'm really sick of how self-conscious i am. i think i've changed a lot in that aspect, especially since last year, but letting go is harder when you've learned to like being stoic. and one of the things i'm still working on is to make connections & discern the things i'm being shown & the things i'm learning & pull it all together. i'm trying to move beyond the momentary slices of beauty & see the bigger picture in things.
i've been wondering whether there's a point that's reached when you're trying to change something about yourself for the better, a point you come to that falls outside your nature, & things aren't natural anymore, & you are not yourself anymore & you're just trying to be like someone else.
anyways. i've been watching too much tv lately. and, well, the first 2 hours of 24's day six/season six weren't amazing, but hour 4 did it for me. (purposeful, emotional pauses sure are something, aren't they?)
okay.
&.
so.
i have a crush on my french teacher. you can call me shallow, or i just have a weakness for guys who know how to dress well (that's right, do it for the patterned dress shirts) and like good music and look decent. and i should probably say that he's a grad student, not an old man.
in other news, i'm playing innertube water polo tomorrow for the first time ever. wish me luck & for my contacts to stay in my eyes. i know, i shouldn't be swimming with contacts. but i'm nearly blind, okay? there's no other way to swim.
have you heard of/seen mark osborne's more? it's my new favourite short film, and i love the story of its making even more & more! so! it's also the springboard for tomorrow's bible study. i am excited for tomorrow's bible study.
sometimes, it really bothers me when people pity me and go out of their way to treat me differently. but oddly enough, sometimes i like being treated differently, if it's from the right person, because i have an inferiority complex. but most times, i'm really sick of how self-conscious i am. i think i've changed a lot in that aspect, especially since last year, but letting go is harder when you've learned to like being stoic. and one of the things i'm still working on is to make connections & discern the things i'm being shown & the things i'm learning & pull it all together. i'm trying to move beyond the momentary slices of beauty & see the bigger picture in things.
i've been wondering whether there's a point that's reached when you're trying to change something about yourself for the better, a point you come to that falls outside your nature, & things aren't natural anymore, & you are not yourself anymore & you're just trying to be like someone else.
anyways. i've been watching too much tv lately. and, well, the first 2 hours of 24's day six/season six weren't amazing, but hour 4 did it for me. (purposeful, emotional pauses sure are something, aren't they?)
okay.
&.
so.
i have a crush on my french teacher. you can call me shallow, or i just have a weakness for guys who know how to dress well (that's right, do it for the patterned dress shirts) and like good music and look decent. and i should probably say that he's a grad student, not an old man.
in other news, i'm playing innertube water polo tomorrow for the first time ever. wish me luck & for my contacts to stay in my eyes. i know, i shouldn't be swimming with contacts. but i'm nearly blind, okay? there's no other way to swim.
have you heard of/seen mark osborne's more? it's my new favourite short film, and i love the story of its making even more & more! so! it's also the springboard for tomorrow's bible study. i am excited for tomorrow's bible study.