this is far less eloquent than i'd like it to be
where i've been:
i took off from school january of 2006 till august of the same year, and re-enrolled last semester. coming back was awkward, to say the least; people i'd been good friends with wouldn't answer calls, or would outright dislike me, so i started keeping to myself. it's the way things go, i understand that, and i hold myself responsible for my absence, but it didn't make things at school any easier. brandon (who i was dating at the time) was my only form of constant support, which turned out to be not the best decision on my part, mostly because of his serious addiction to painkillers and stimulants. basically, i stopped going to class and being sober on a daily basis. my grand total of sober days last semester totalled around 20 at most, and i ended up failing all of my classes, which has since put me on academic probation. contrary to what i told people i spent about a quarter to a third of my weekends were still spent on campus, but i rarely left my room when i was here because i felt unwanted and unliked. i tried to kill myself around september. liz helped me out (to say the least) and i went back home for about a week, then started seeing a psychiatrist and therapist when i came back. i'm not looking for sympathy on any of it, nor do i really want it for the most part. those 3-4 months were my own mistakes, but i can say objectively a lot of it was because i'd never felt so alone. the entire time i was fully aware of the destructiveness of my own actions, i want that to be clear, but i also want to try to convey the fact that sometimes you just give up, and when you have no one around who is a positive influence, either through losing contact or them giving up on you, it's hard.
after i realized how badly i'd done last semester and had a few emotional breakdowns i stopped doing everything over winter break- drinking, smoking, pills, all of it. i started dating ben. i started making up work, and participating again. currently i'm doing relatively well all things considered, my gpa is ok and i'm almost off academic probation (i should have it all cleared up in a few weeks). i've slowly begun writing again, and as soon as my memory card stops being evil i'll start taking pictures again too. i guess that's pretty much the most of it, for anyone who cares. sorry it sounds like a lecture you'd give to elementary schools about the dangers of drugs, that's really not my point in the least bit.
i took off from school january of 2006 till august of the same year, and re-enrolled last semester. coming back was awkward, to say the least; people i'd been good friends with wouldn't answer calls, or would outright dislike me, so i started keeping to myself. it's the way things go, i understand that, and i hold myself responsible for my absence, but it didn't make things at school any easier. brandon (who i was dating at the time) was my only form of constant support, which turned out to be not the best decision on my part, mostly because of his serious addiction to painkillers and stimulants. basically, i stopped going to class and being sober on a daily basis. my grand total of sober days last semester totalled around 20 at most, and i ended up failing all of my classes, which has since put me on academic probation. contrary to what i told people i spent about a quarter to a third of my weekends were still spent on campus, but i rarely left my room when i was here because i felt unwanted and unliked. i tried to kill myself around september. liz helped me out (to say the least) and i went back home for about a week, then started seeing a psychiatrist and therapist when i came back. i'm not looking for sympathy on any of it, nor do i really want it for the most part. those 3-4 months were my own mistakes, but i can say objectively a lot of it was because i'd never felt so alone. the entire time i was fully aware of the destructiveness of my own actions, i want that to be clear, but i also want to try to convey the fact that sometimes you just give up, and when you have no one around who is a positive influence, either through losing contact or them giving up on you, it's hard.
after i realized how badly i'd done last semester and had a few emotional breakdowns i stopped doing everything over winter break- drinking, smoking, pills, all of it. i started dating ben. i started making up work, and participating again. currently i'm doing relatively well all things considered, my gpa is ok and i'm almost off academic probation (i should have it all cleared up in a few weeks). i've slowly begun writing again, and as soon as my memory card stops being evil i'll start taking pictures again too. i guess that's pretty much the most of it, for anyone who cares. sorry it sounds like a lecture you'd give to elementary schools about the dangers of drugs, that's really not my point in the least bit.