Dear baby brother...
As you grow into 15 years old, I have some things I want to say to you - but I don't know if I can, or should. You are growing into an adult. A fully recognized human being. I know it may not seem like it - I still don't feel like an adult, even though I'm approaching 26 - but you're close to the world throwing you out on your own.
I need you to know several things as you become a man:
1) I will always love you, no matter what. If you turn out to be a serial murderer - and you'd better fucking not - I'll be the sad sad person on the news saying that I knew you from an infant; how could you do wrong?
2) In a way, I love you the most. There are (at least, but don't get me started) five of us, and you are the one with whom I feel the deepest connection. You were MY baby. You helped me feel alive when I was at my most depressed and hopeless - the thought of not being there as you grew up kept me sane. When I was there (only half the week), I made sure I was the first to hear you cry when you woke up. Please forgive me: I woke you up a few times, just so I could see you happy little baby face, and feel your trusting love for me, your biggest sister.
3) I want you to be a GOOD man, dammit. Please try to take our littlest sister in stride. She's younger than you, smaller, knows less. Let her be 11, 12, 13 and so on, the way you were. I know - I KNOW - that little sisters are annoying, but you're bigger, stronger, and more experienced in life than her. I know that in a heartbeat, you'd save her, but try to be able to save her in regular life. Let her be. And, please, be better than you have been. Stop being a goddamn jerk, because it helps no one, and it makes it harder when you try to be "the big brother" later in her life.
Please be better. As a man, be better than our father, our uncle, our cousins. As a person, a whole complete, human being, be better than your mother. She is one of the best I know. She is smart, she knows things, she's been through things. Don't count her out because she's "Old" - I consider her my conscience, so if you trust me at all, you can trust her. Your mother KNOWS things. She is good. She cares. She loves you. Please never forget that.
I love you, baby brother. I worry for you because there is an anger that I know comes from our semi-absentee father. Please try not to make that the whole of your being, like I have. I'm broken. Don't be like me. Live and Thrive and Be.
And no matter what, remember that I love you, and I am here for you. Call on me if you need me and I will be there for you.
I love you.
Melanie
I need you to know several things as you become a man:
1) I will always love you, no matter what. If you turn out to be a serial murderer - and you'd better fucking not - I'll be the sad sad person on the news saying that I knew you from an infant; how could you do wrong?
2) In a way, I love you the most. There are (at least, but don't get me started) five of us, and you are the one with whom I feel the deepest connection. You were MY baby. You helped me feel alive when I was at my most depressed and hopeless - the thought of not being there as you grew up kept me sane. When I was there (only half the week), I made sure I was the first to hear you cry when you woke up. Please forgive me: I woke you up a few times, just so I could see you happy little baby face, and feel your trusting love for me, your biggest sister.
3) I want you to be a GOOD man, dammit. Please try to take our littlest sister in stride. She's younger than you, smaller, knows less. Let her be 11, 12, 13 and so on, the way you were. I know - I KNOW - that little sisters are annoying, but you're bigger, stronger, and more experienced in life than her. I know that in a heartbeat, you'd save her, but try to be able to save her in regular life. Let her be. And, please, be better than you have been. Stop being a goddamn jerk, because it helps no one, and it makes it harder when you try to be "the big brother" later in her life.
Please be better. As a man, be better than our father, our uncle, our cousins. As a person, a whole complete, human being, be better than your mother. She is one of the best I know. She is smart, she knows things, she's been through things. Don't count her out because she's "Old" - I consider her my conscience, so if you trust me at all, you can trust her. Your mother KNOWS things. She is good. She cares. She loves you. Please never forget that.
I love you, baby brother. I worry for you because there is an anger that I know comes from our semi-absentee father. Please try not to make that the whole of your being, like I have. I'm broken. Don't be like me. Live and Thrive and Be.
And no matter what, remember that I love you, and I am here for you. Call on me if you need me and I will be there for you.
I love you.
Melanie