Small group
So I've been hosting (and by hosting I mean leading/hosting/leading worship/etc.) a small group home church type thing at my apartment every other Thursday for the last couple months. It's been really successful, by which I've found myself slightly befuddled. Each week there are new people who come, and we have a pretty steady number of 10-12 who attend. The people come eager to discuss and pray. In fact, I don't think there's been a single week where someone hasn't said to me something along the lines of, "Thanks for bringing up [insert discussion topic/Scripture], it was exactly what I needed this week." This is encouraging to me.
I'm befuddled because for some reason, lately I have been feeling like I am completely unable to hear God. Lately I feel like when I pray, not much happens. I don't feel excited about small group and church stuff anymore, either. I mean, I'm glad that God is using the small group, I'm aware on a sort of cerebral level that what is happening IS exciting, I just have lost this personal sense of fulfillment and anticipation I used to have with stuff like this. Instead, each week I feel dread and have to have Jacquie talk me into not cancelling small group for whatever lame excuse I've come up with that time. So, small group is tomorrow night and I've already got this nauseous feeling in my stomach that I used to always get before dates. I don't get it.
I'm befuddled because for some reason, lately I have been feeling like I am completely unable to hear God. Lately I feel like when I pray, not much happens. I don't feel excited about small group and church stuff anymore, either. I mean, I'm glad that God is using the small group, I'm aware on a sort of cerebral level that what is happening IS exciting, I just have lost this personal sense of fulfillment and anticipation I used to have with stuff like this. Instead, each week I feel dread and have to have Jacquie talk me into not cancelling small group for whatever lame excuse I've come up with that time. So, small group is tomorrow night and I've already got this nauseous feeling in my stomach that I used to always get before dates. I don't get it.