i feel like nick
i can't wait for my life to actually start. i wish i had graduated this year, i could have done it too. it feels like im going nowhere, just flailing around trying to waste time until someone tells me what to do or i can somehow figure it out. im scared of the future, but excited as well. im scared of being alone and facing everything that is going to inevitably happen to me. im excited that maybe my life will take on meaning outside grades and social life and everything else that comes from high school.
i think i think about myself too much, and worry and am too critical. my own emotions confuse me sometimes. so many things going on, so many thoughts floating around, so many emotions longing to be expressed.
it's hard to be strong sometimes, but i feel like i have to be. who wants to admit weakness? but i have so many things on my mind, all troubling in their own way, like marbles, with shining cores. and i want to throw them all at the wall and watch them break and the shining mist float away to be forgotten forever. wouldn't that be nice? it'd be like that thing in harry potter that dumbledore used to put his thoughts into so he would only focus on the important things. or maybe it would be horrible and turn into something like eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, where you destroy previous memories in a fit of emotion never to get them back...that was an awesome movie by the way...
i decided to collect hugs in my profile so that i can remember that people care about me. sometimes we all forget that and get wrapped up in our own problems. i tend to do that, not giving either myself of those who love me justice. just when you're so full of any emotion it works it's way out, and you don't think about how it effects others. i need to work on that, seeing as how i can be insufferably selfish at times.
hmmm...well most of that was completely pointless, but i suppose it's less pointless than mostly everything else i write. props to you for reading that and understanding it too.
i think i think about myself too much, and worry and am too critical. my own emotions confuse me sometimes. so many things going on, so many thoughts floating around, so many emotions longing to be expressed.
it's hard to be strong sometimes, but i feel like i have to be. who wants to admit weakness? but i have so many things on my mind, all troubling in their own way, like marbles, with shining cores. and i want to throw them all at the wall and watch them break and the shining mist float away to be forgotten forever. wouldn't that be nice? it'd be like that thing in harry potter that dumbledore used to put his thoughts into so he would only focus on the important things. or maybe it would be horrible and turn into something like eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, where you destroy previous memories in a fit of emotion never to get them back...that was an awesome movie by the way...
i decided to collect hugs in my profile so that i can remember that people care about me. sometimes we all forget that and get wrapped up in our own problems. i tend to do that, not giving either myself of those who love me justice. just when you're so full of any emotion it works it's way out, and you don't think about how it effects others. i need to work on that, seeing as how i can be insufferably selfish at times.
hmmm...well most of that was completely pointless, but i suppose it's less pointless than mostly everything else i write. props to you for reading that and understanding it too.