Decisions, IV
Here's the truth: law school scares the living daylights out of me. I don't know if I have the academic drive anymore. I don't know if I'm up to the emotional strain. I don't know if I ever want to pull an all-nighter again for the rest of my life for anything less than another person. That's what made my last year or so of college so frustrating: Who benefits from this? Apparently me and I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. I don't know if I want to risk the strain it would place on personal relationships that are so dear to me right now. I know I foresee more contentment in family life than career life, and the examples of attorneys with admirable family lives and ethical integrity are hard to come by.
Yet, I have culled a mind for it. I love assembling and dissembling arguments. I trounce on words that try to qualify an idea without reasonable logical deductions and viable evidence. Reaching the penultimate, black-and-white conclusion of a smeary, grey conundrum is thrilling. My spine feels tingly just at the thought of it.
What does this all mean? I need a heck of a lot more distance from Olaf or [nearly] anyone I ever knew there before I start putting my pen or keyboard fingers to a law school application. And I sure as he---aven need to cling close to everything that feels right in life right now before I even think of setting one speck of it aside for something that fills me with comparative dread.
Yet, I have culled a mind for it. I love assembling and dissembling arguments. I trounce on words that try to qualify an idea without reasonable logical deductions and viable evidence. Reaching the penultimate, black-and-white conclusion of a smeary, grey conundrum is thrilling. My spine feels tingly just at the thought of it.
What does this all mean? I need a heck of a lot more distance from Olaf or [nearly] anyone I ever knew there before I start putting my pen or keyboard fingers to a law school application. And I sure as he---aven need to cling close to everything that feels right in life right now before I even think of setting one speck of it aside for something that fills me with comparative dread.