the lighting is amazing outside
I went to go see my very best friend leave today as she went to prom. This is the girl I met in kindergarden, who gave me a doll that was a fairy doll because she could not make my birthday party, the one that gave me a necklace with my name on it in 4th grade, who I fought over in 5th grade and one of the hardest to say goodbye to in 8th. We watched pleasantville together for her sleepover brithday in 7th grade, and played dress-up. We did all our talent shows together and we even have stickers that we got from the first time we went to the mall. The first time I went over her house we watched clueless and now she looked like a princess and was in 11th grade, going to her first prom. I cant believe were here, at this place, the age we always dreamed about: in high school, 17, feeling old enough to go driving, and young enough to still play on the swings. and I can fully say, yes, it is all its cracked up to be. I hate change, I hated leaving 8th grade, I hated starting over twice, I hated it when my brother left for college, but then why do I want to change so badly? I walked home today from Kristins and just soaked everything in, including the beauty of the newly growing flowers and the carpets of soft green. I took my sandals off and started to walk barefoot, my feet not used to the ground yet because this was the first time in a while they have felt the pavement. I cleared my head, I just wanted to get it all out and not rush home and back to the confusion, and fights and agony and just everything I dont want to deal with anymore but have to. I realised, maybe im not soo messed up as my parents see it, maybe I can just look at myself and like what I see and just ah, stop with the stress and worrying. With the sun lightly shining through the trees and it made bars of light that came through the tops and I just thought it was soo pretty, I just stopped and looked up. and what I figured out is maybe I should just stop for a while. My brain has been on fast forward for a while. It isnt like me to say I dont care, because I always do, but maybe instead of caring about if my mom is proud of me, I should just be like, fuck it, what do I want. It would be an unlikely achieveable goal I think if I stopped caring.
My poem was published in the renaissance that was sent home to everyone. My mom didnt even know I wrote. It was nice to see that she actually complimented me, I mean from besides the constant, "danielle, you look bad today" or "look what you are doing to me". I am going to kill my mother. And not with a knife or a gun, but with a heartattack because I have aged her, or soo she has said. Maybe she doesnt know that her words hurt me too. I dont know what to do anymore, I want to just give her a break and I cant seem too. Even as much as she yells at me yells at me, or even makes me feel, I still love her, ofcourse I do, shes my mom for godsake.
As much as I wanta leave high school and go away and grow up, I really dont. Its May of my jonior year. Technically its my last full May ever in terms of High School, because seniors dont go to school the whole time and take comps. Its been pretty boring, and actually a lot of fun because everyone is just so sick of work.
Kristin your 17th birthday was on wednesday. I told you I was going to write you a entry. You looked amazing tonight, and I love you. Thank you for always being there, even when it was the dumbest crap in the world [ aka all of 6th grade drama] to when I needed you the most. Your the only person that answers my txt messages at 9:10 in the morning and you know just who to call when you wake up early and wanta talk [me, haha]. Things like dr. pepper, bike rides, italian ice, sizzlers, SCAFFERS I mean angelo and sons, french fries, bike rides, nicole borino, 6 AM bagels, old navy fleeses, jimmy lynch, buchaneer boy [hahaha] nuzzi field, neil and adam, apollo 13, 4th grade monkey, spice girls, danny collins, nutcrackers, 99 cent angels and erik joven mean soo much more to us then anyone else.
<3 danielle
My poem was published in the renaissance that was sent home to everyone. My mom didnt even know I wrote. It was nice to see that she actually complimented me, I mean from besides the constant, "danielle, you look bad today" or "look what you are doing to me". I am going to kill my mother. And not with a knife or a gun, but with a heartattack because I have aged her, or soo she has said. Maybe she doesnt know that her words hurt me too. I dont know what to do anymore, I want to just give her a break and I cant seem too. Even as much as she yells at me yells at me, or even makes me feel, I still love her, ofcourse I do, shes my mom for godsake.
As much as I wanta leave high school and go away and grow up, I really dont. Its May of my jonior year. Technically its my last full May ever in terms of High School, because seniors dont go to school the whole time and take comps. Its been pretty boring, and actually a lot of fun because everyone is just so sick of work.
Kristin your 17th birthday was on wednesday. I told you I was going to write you a entry. You looked amazing tonight, and I love you. Thank you for always being there, even when it was the dumbest crap in the world [ aka all of 6th grade drama] to when I needed you the most. Your the only person that answers my txt messages at 9:10 in the morning and you know just who to call when you wake up early and wanta talk [me, haha]. Things like dr. pepper, bike rides, italian ice, sizzlers, SCAFFERS I mean angelo and sons, french fries, bike rides, nicole borino, 6 AM bagels, old navy fleeses, jimmy lynch, buchaneer boy [hahaha] nuzzi field, neil and adam, apollo 13, 4th grade monkey, spice girls, danny collins, nutcrackers, 99 cent angels and erik joven mean soo much more to us then anyone else.
<3 danielle