weekend

[restless_jedi]

Huzzah! Like 2 hours ago I got back from my mock trial tournament in Charlston, Illinois. It was grand fun. You know how I am always shy and quiet and timid? I wasn't so much there! Everyone was very proud of me. I asked aggressive questions and made a witness look like a stupid moron. And for like half the trip back I was conversing with

Comments

[forceonature]

1. I want to know these three main points.
2. I think it's awesome that you are coming out of the shell. I knew there was something under there, it just needed to figure out how to express itself.
3.

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

See? Frankie Goes To Hollywood has the answer to everything.

[restless_jedi]

Damn. I was tired when I posted. I meant 4 main points. They are being raised knowing my father left my mother because he didn't want me or my brother and still doesn't want me (sexist bastard), being sexually molested by a neighbor boy at age 3, being sexually molested repeatedly by a different neighbor boy between the ages of 6 and 8, & being homeschooled from 2nd grade until I started high school.

[forceonature]

The psychologist in me is fascinated. More data is required. The humanity in me (what there is left after so much internet) is disgusted and saddened.

Also, I know someone whose dad did the same thing.

[restless_jedi]

What else would you want to know? I'm not that interesting, I don't think. (meaning I lent out my one copy of my lifestory so I'd forget most parts of any interest)

Life sucks. I live. Plus, I have an excuse to be how I am.

A lot of dads do that; such knowledge does not lessen the occasional pain though

[forceonature]

So he doesn't and won't ever love you. From this, I assume you hate him? Desite your hatred for him, you are willing to let him be the defining factor in your life?

I can't stop.

[restless_jedi]

I don't know if I hate him, but I'm not giving him another chance. I...try not to let him affect me, but my personality doesn't want to change so much as it wants to stay the same.

[forceonature]

The question should not be what is easy or preferable, the question should be what is right and healthy. You probably already know what you should be doing, but are you doing it?

[restless_jedi]

You have a point. For a while I was in counseling, but I made little progress other than remembering some of my problems and talking about them with my counsellor. But since I stopped seeing her, I have changed enough that I wouldn't want to go back to her because I have changed so much that I think she would be sad, but I don't want to see someone new because new people are scary. & just because it is unhealthy doesn't necessarily mean it would be fatal or anything, so what's the point in changing? I would need a good reason.