8 months...
Well, here it is. I never saw myself saying this, (then again, who does) but myself and Rachael have separated. For the past 8 months, I jus didnt see this day coming. But one night she broke it to me and it totally caught me off guard. I guess there was other things she wanted to be doing. Right now, she doesnt seem to be taking it so hard, myself on the other hand, i took it hard alright. Im such a little girl when it comes to that kind of shit, whether it be someone hurt/dying, breaking up, or even just shitty love stories. I can cry on a whym, and thats gay. I guess she doesnt know what shes really doing with herself and didnt want to drag me in all that bullshit. By no means did I ever want to hold her back, or get in her way of anything, but it seemed as if I wasnt helping at all apparently. Ive told her that i was sorry for anything that I may have done that could have caused this separation, and she continuously says that I did nothing. Which is yet another reason why I am confused on as to why it happened. I am trying to believe her reasons for it, but i just cant. Everything she has told me, she has already contradicted, and i question her, but never get a straight answer.
I am over the fact that we will probably never be together again, although i would most definetly take her back like nothing, but, I am not over the fact that there could ever be somebody else. One day, maybe, but now? No.
Hence, lately at work, hanging out, and just everyday activivty, I havent been the same. This is the whole reason. There was a point where i couldnt put a full day at work in, I wouldnt sleep, or eat, or talk, i was pretty fuckin lame. Right now, I am gettin back in the groove of things, but i definelty didnt get over her. I am just getting a loittle stronger at hiding it.
Everything constantly reminds me of her, and she always says the same, so that makes parts of my day pretty hard. And even to this date, I still feel as if we are still together. We have still seen eachother every single day since the break-up, whether it be for a few minutes, or hanging out for the whole day. But we are doing everything we did before, just take away the "I Love You" and anything physical (i.e. kissing/hugging). I find it better for me to remain friends with her, becuase if i wasnt i would be forced to see her everyday becuase she lives with another one of my friends, and i would probably have to kill myself.
So as of right now, we are great friends, and things are actually going really good between us. I just really wish I could ever just know the real reason WHY.
In other news, I am now working 7:30-4:00 every single day. Its pretty bitchin becuase i have all the time in the world to do shit when i get out after and i never had that before. The one downside is that i have to wake up at 7:00 every morning, but that doesnt stop me from hanging out until 3 in the morning.
I am going to concerts still, I have become good friends with a few people since then and I have no complaints. Andy has been mad cool with understanding my situation, and hes an awesome kid to be around. Derek is going through the same shit that i am, with the girl stuff, and its cool how we can relate so much to some things. I enjoy hanging out with them, along with Ashley and Tamara whom have been great friends since years ago.
During the whole things that was happening, I went to Kris, and Pat at work, and they helped me by talking to me. I told them lots of stuff and they just listened. The one thing I always used to say was "What the fuck do i do now?" in reguards to me asking for every morning to work so i can be with my girlfriend and we can do so much this summer... well, i got my hours, but lost the girl. So those before mentioned friends have helped a bunch.
Anberlin is simply amazing.
I dont have really much more to update, that pretty much sums up my summer to come.
I am over the fact that we will probably never be together again, although i would most definetly take her back like nothing, but, I am not over the fact that there could ever be somebody else. One day, maybe, but now? No.
Hence, lately at work, hanging out, and just everyday activivty, I havent been the same. This is the whole reason. There was a point where i couldnt put a full day at work in, I wouldnt sleep, or eat, or talk, i was pretty fuckin lame. Right now, I am gettin back in the groove of things, but i definelty didnt get over her. I am just getting a loittle stronger at hiding it.
Everything constantly reminds me of her, and she always says the same, so that makes parts of my day pretty hard. And even to this date, I still feel as if we are still together. We have still seen eachother every single day since the break-up, whether it be for a few minutes, or hanging out for the whole day. But we are doing everything we did before, just take away the "I Love You" and anything physical (i.e. kissing/hugging). I find it better for me to remain friends with her, becuase if i wasnt i would be forced to see her everyday becuase she lives with another one of my friends, and i would probably have to kill myself.
So as of right now, we are great friends, and things are actually going really good between us. I just really wish I could ever just know the real reason WHY.
In other news, I am now working 7:30-4:00 every single day. Its pretty bitchin becuase i have all the time in the world to do shit when i get out after and i never had that before. The one downside is that i have to wake up at 7:00 every morning, but that doesnt stop me from hanging out until 3 in the morning.
I am going to concerts still, I have become good friends with a few people since then and I have no complaints. Andy has been mad cool with understanding my situation, and hes an awesome kid to be around. Derek is going through the same shit that i am, with the girl stuff, and its cool how we can relate so much to some things. I enjoy hanging out with them, along with Ashley and Tamara whom have been great friends since years ago.
During the whole things that was happening, I went to Kris, and Pat at work, and they helped me by talking to me. I told them lots of stuff and they just listened. The one thing I always used to say was "What the fuck do i do now?" in reguards to me asking for every morning to work so i can be with my girlfriend and we can do so much this summer... well, i got my hours, but lost the girl. So those before mentioned friends have helped a bunch.
Anberlin is simply amazing.
I dont have really much more to update, that pretty much sums up my summer to come.