(no subject)
i feel horrible
i was way gone when i was typing last night
:(
the sadness is becoming... too much?
i feel like it's going to swallow me
i hate myself
i hurt everyone
and now im running from it all
god.... im such a fucking loser
ha ha ha
wow, has my self worth really sunk so low?
not only does everyone else hate me
you... sean... all your friends
ha ha ha
a mistake that makes mistakes
ha ha ha ha ha
i can't even stand myself
you....
nevermind
be happy
im gonna go die now or sumthin.....
:(
i want you to be happy
but i won't even try through the internet
i'll make you happy when i see you
through the net you'll only feel my pain, my anger, and my stupid fucking shitty sayings
i loathe everything
the way i talk
the way i write
how i look
i want to be so hideous no one wants to be around me
at the same time i want friends
..... :(
you always say you want to live alone
you use it as a threat
i do live alone
i am a catalyst
for everything that is bad and dumb
i can't do anything right
i can't make anyone happy
you happy
i can't even make me happy
i don't want you to say wow brian you fucked up
again
shit happens, change
i know what we have in common
pain
suffering
a warped sense of thought
no conciouns
the responsibility for the pain and suffering we put people through
no self worth
a hatred for ourselves and others
a penchant for self mutilation
sex isnt even enjoyable anymore
its all politics
i cant touch anyone
all i think about is making them happy
i get no pleasure
then i lie to myself,
tell me that their pleasure is my pleasure
in reality my own feeling makes me want to vomit
tears on my face
blood on my hands
poison in my veins
pain in my heart....
thats how i roll.
you and me arent the same
you have love and friendship
i have chased everyone away
i hate understanding you
when you type horrible things on the net out of pain
knowing exactly what you mean and why
wanting to stay in foster care
alone.
the cuts on your stomach
didnt even see them
i knew they would be there
thats what girls do when they think their fat, ugly, hate themselves
thinking back
i can guess what i was thinking when i typed under your name
i probably didnt even know i was on your nAME TILL THE END
but i guess i wanted to flaunt the fact that i had something they didnt
that you trusted me with something they didnt have
even if it had no meaning
so childish and base of a feeling that i would never had exposed unless i was fucked up
i wont appologise
i cant
i refuse
im done with people
.... even you
im a fucking trainwreck.
im methodicly destroying everyones friendship with me and loosing their trust
sometimes i think i do it on purpose
i take pills untill i can't fuction
so i can be swallowed by a wave of....
nevermind.
i overdose myself to sleep.
pathetic
i will push you away till you hate me, destroy me
i will kill all feelings there were, are, memory of them.
you are my suicide.
i was way gone when i was typing last night
:(
the sadness is becoming... too much?
i feel like it's going to swallow me
i hate myself
i hurt everyone
and now im running from it all
god.... im such a fucking loser
ha ha ha
wow, has my self worth really sunk so low?
not only does everyone else hate me
you... sean... all your friends
ha ha ha
a mistake that makes mistakes
ha ha ha ha ha
i can't even stand myself
you....
nevermind
be happy
im gonna go die now or sumthin.....
:(
i want you to be happy
but i won't even try through the internet
i'll make you happy when i see you
through the net you'll only feel my pain, my anger, and my stupid fucking shitty sayings
i loathe everything
the way i talk
the way i write
how i look
i want to be so hideous no one wants to be around me
at the same time i want friends
..... :(
you always say you want to live alone
you use it as a threat
i do live alone
i am a catalyst
for everything that is bad and dumb
i can't do anything right
i can't make anyone happy
you happy
i can't even make me happy
i don't want you to say wow brian you fucked up
again
shit happens, change
i know what we have in common
pain
suffering
a warped sense of thought
no conciouns
the responsibility for the pain and suffering we put people through
no self worth
a hatred for ourselves and others
a penchant for self mutilation
sex isnt even enjoyable anymore
its all politics
i cant touch anyone
all i think about is making them happy
i get no pleasure
then i lie to myself,
tell me that their pleasure is my pleasure
in reality my own feeling makes me want to vomit
tears on my face
blood on my hands
poison in my veins
pain in my heart....
thats how i roll.
you and me arent the same
you have love and friendship
i have chased everyone away
i hate understanding you
when you type horrible things on the net out of pain
knowing exactly what you mean and why
wanting to stay in foster care
alone.
the cuts on your stomach
didnt even see them
i knew they would be there
thats what girls do when they think their fat, ugly, hate themselves
thinking back
i can guess what i was thinking when i typed under your name
i probably didnt even know i was on your nAME TILL THE END
but i guess i wanted to flaunt the fact that i had something they didnt
that you trusted me with something they didnt have
even if it had no meaning
so childish and base of a feeling that i would never had exposed unless i was fucked up
i wont appologise
i cant
i refuse
im done with people
.... even you
im a fucking trainwreck.
im methodicly destroying everyones friendship with me and loosing their trust
sometimes i think i do it on purpose
i take pills untill i can't fuction
so i can be swallowed by a wave of....
nevermind.
i overdose myself to sleep.
pathetic
i will push you away till you hate me, destroy me
i will kill all feelings there were, are, memory of them.
you are my suicide.