this beautiful mess
My life is too perfect right now. Everything seems to be going great (with the exception of the job search). This depresses me, because I know this perfection will not last/can not last, and when things go bad they are going to get ugly really quickly. I have been really depressed lately, and I have NO idea why. In a way I feel soo selfish by feeling depressed, BECAUSE everything is going so well. I think I should be happy, but I'm just not. All I can think about is how I don't deserve this. I don't deserve for everything to be going right. I have not done anything spectacular that made me worthy of all this.
I can't help but to think all this might be a result of my reading The Bell Jar. It sounds stupid, but that book really affects me in a wierd way. I should be finished with it by tomorrow, and maybe I should move to a lighter, happier book. (Do I even own a light, happy book?)
For now I will plow forward, and take these small rewards and victories, so when things do go to shit, I can reflect on what I had.