+ I'm having one of those days. +
- where I feel as if I am going nowhere and accomplishing nothing.
What I would really like right at this moment would be to loose about 60 lbs. According to the BMI my ideal weight would be something under 160. I would personally like to be 140, as I find the slightly anorexic look sexy. And I would like to look too skinny for once, rather than too fat. That would be the best thing in the entire world to hear from my physician. "I'm sorry, but you are too thin. You should consider eating more."
But I don't have the balls to do it. I can't even loose the weight I have. I've gained 20 pounds since high school. Even if it means sacrificing my breasts, I would be willing to do that. I just want to be socially pretty for once in my life. I'd love to be looked at by men and women and be able to look at them and turn them down. That would be the most vindicating experiences of my life. It would bring me full-circle, but I don't care.
I just don't want to be such a fat bastard anymore. I don't really have self-esteem to speak of, I'm terminally alone. And I'm HUGE. Not morbidly obese huge, but pretty freaking big people.
Oh well.
I burned my arm today while I was at work, suffering from a very sudden and violent attack of glumness. I was watching the marithon runners today and knew that I could never do anything like that. Hell, I can't even loose 40 lbs.
What I would really like right at this moment would be to loose about 60 lbs. According to the BMI my ideal weight would be something under 160. I would personally like to be 140, as I find the slightly anorexic look sexy. And I would like to look too skinny for once, rather than too fat. That would be the best thing in the entire world to hear from my physician. "I'm sorry, but you are too thin. You should consider eating more."
But I don't have the balls to do it. I can't even loose the weight I have. I've gained 20 pounds since high school. Even if it means sacrificing my breasts, I would be willing to do that. I just want to be socially pretty for once in my life. I'd love to be looked at by men and women and be able to look at them and turn them down. That would be the most vindicating experiences of my life. It would bring me full-circle, but I don't care.
I just don't want to be such a fat bastard anymore. I don't really have self-esteem to speak of, I'm terminally alone. And I'm HUGE. Not morbidly obese huge, but pretty freaking big people.
Oh well.
I burned my arm today while I was at work, suffering from a very sudden and violent attack of glumness. I was watching the marithon runners today and knew that I could never do anything like that. Hell, I can't even loose 40 lbs.