Last Night
Last night I went to church for the first time in a LONG time, and I didn't even go with my family. I went to my friend Abby's church and met the CUTEST guy. It was pretty amazing. =] The youth group was really fun, even though church is definately not my thing. I usually am like, "Pffft who goes to church?!?!" but it was truly fun. The only thing was they talked about a lot of personal things that I did NOT want to talk about. Everyone there knew each other and they were all open and sharing about their families. I couldn't share about my family because I didn't want them to know. Here are a bunch of new people I just met and honestly, I would rather them see me for me, not pity me. And in the end, I didn't really reveal anything except that my family is "apart". At the same time though, people were like crying and stuff and I didn't feel bad for them because here I was holding in my deep secrets that I knew were much more severe than theirs...and I felt bad for not feeling bad. I don't pity people easily so I always come off as so mean, and I hate it. But at the same time, I don't want to pretend to pity people because to me that is far worse. My family is crazy and messed up and I know it. But I am not about to tell that to a bunch of Christian people whose biggest problem is their mom forgot to buy them the thousand dollar laptop they wanted