the main reason i'm not talking to many people lately is because i'm busy finding out who i am and not being what everyone thinks i should be...or what they want me to be...when i'm not around everyone i don't feel like i have to be anything ya know?...i'm begining to understand what someone once told me...'be who you see your self as not as others want you to see yourself'...it confused me once but now i'm getting it...if i don't let others mold me...i'll mold myself...everyone knows that i have this big fear of being inferior to the people i hang out with...well after a while it was all becoming too much ya know...hearing about everyones ex's, current loves,everyones problems....i used to be able to just accept everyones problems and chew on them for a while and then solve most of them right?...well it all started to become too much and everyone knows that i don't go talking to other people about problems if they aren't mine...so when it got to be too much i just left everyone alone....i even quit talking to jake like i used to...i just didn't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone...and then when the problems finally started letting up i started coming back down and talking again...and then i started getting problems of my own and then i went away again....for a few days, i dind't see anyone....it was kinda like my own personal break down...i started wanting jake again and then i made myself stop...i starting liking some other guy but i made myself stop...mostly i stopped liking the other guy because i knew/know my heart still belonged/belongs to jake...and i'll never have that back...but i don't know why i wouldn't talk to this person to say more than one word.'hi' ...i dunno why i made myself stop thining about either of them...but i did...and then i started thinking about daniel again and made myself stop that....i just kept telling myself that he is happy with lea and that if i cane anything for either of them (which i do) that i would leave them alone and not mess that up...and now i'm having this recurring dream about this guy,my wedding day,and the days just before it....it's bazarre...anyway i gtg for now...ttyl
Re: i have been (luv ya)respect_loveMay 14 2004, 02:21:52 UTC
Kele' I can completely understand you distancing yourself. In fact I kind of thought that was the reason so I just let you do your thing. ^_^ Kele hun I still talk to Daniel and I know he is not that happy with his g/f....and she is a bitch but thats another story lol. And as for Jacob, yea I too have feelings for him to, messes things up all by himself. Trust me its nothing you've done. Even Mrs. Anna agrees on the fact that he has changed in the past few months. But just know that I luv ya and I'll be here when you do decide to come back.
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