Is it wrong to feel so bad about loving someone?
Please don't let this change anything for the worst. Ignor me its pms ^_^
Today I was getting up to speed by reading everyone’s l/j and so on and so forth and I read some things in a few peoples journals that I could sympathize with then I came across one and I just cried. I have been soo happy lately too. Or at least I think that’s how everyone thinks I am. But yeah Brandon, I know how it feels to want someone so so badly and at the same time know that you have no chance in hell to be with you. (Yea I just got around to reading Dustin’s l/j) I do know what it is like to have the one person you would die for, fall in love with someone else and say things to them and about them that they once told you. He told me that at the time he said those things to me he meant it but how can you fall out of love with one person and into love with her best friend while you are still dating? (Sorry for that. But with as pitiful as I am I will never have the courage to say everything that’s on my mind) All I really want and have ever wanted was just to see him happy. To see him with a smile on his face. It hurts me every time I see him upset. I will continue to do anything that I can to help him in HIS pursuit of happiness. I have learned that the closest that I can ever get to being happy is to see the people I care about be happy. (Yes I’m being mean to myself) I don’t think I could ever get what I want…not to a point that would make me happy anyway. Besides I seem to ALWAYS do something to fuck it up just enough to lose what happiness I have found. (To whom it may concern) Yea I know this may seem like yet another of my 'poor pitiful me' rants and if that’s what you think go ahead. And yes NNY I have tried so hard and so damn many times to get over it. I have done everything I could think of. Anything to make me dislike him even just a little but I just cannot do it. I can't simply get over it.I'm sorry if I have wasted anyone’s time...
"I know people don’t know the real me
They never take the time to learn
Never knowing what I’m capable of
Never caring
People think I’m quiet
Shows what they know
On the inside I scream
My thoughts allow me no sleep and no peace
Constant pain and a living hell"...........
Words that were never more true to me than they are now...
Today I was getting up to speed by reading everyone’s l/j and so on and so forth and I read some things in a few peoples journals that I could sympathize with then I came across one and I just cried. I have been soo happy lately too. Or at least I think that’s how everyone thinks I am. But yeah Brandon, I know how it feels to want someone so so badly and at the same time know that you have no chance in hell to be with you. (Yea I just got around to reading Dustin’s l/j) I do know what it is like to have the one person you would die for, fall in love with someone else and say things to them and about them that they once told you. He told me that at the time he said those things to me he meant it but how can you fall out of love with one person and into love with her best friend while you are still dating? (Sorry for that. But with as pitiful as I am I will never have the courage to say everything that’s on my mind) All I really want and have ever wanted was just to see him happy. To see him with a smile on his face. It hurts me every time I see him upset. I will continue to do anything that I can to help him in HIS pursuit of happiness. I have learned that the closest that I can ever get to being happy is to see the people I care about be happy. (Yes I’m being mean to myself) I don’t think I could ever get what I want…not to a point that would make me happy anyway. Besides I seem to ALWAYS do something to fuck it up just enough to lose what happiness I have found. (To whom it may concern) Yea I know this may seem like yet another of my 'poor pitiful me' rants and if that’s what you think go ahead. And yes NNY I have tried so hard and so damn many times to get over it. I have done everything I could think of. Anything to make me dislike him even just a little but I just cannot do it. I can't simply get over it.I'm sorry if I have wasted anyone’s time...
"I know people don’t know the real me
They never take the time to learn
Never knowing what I’m capable of
Never caring
People think I’m quiet
Shows what they know
On the inside I scream
My thoughts allow me no sleep and no peace
Constant pain and a living hell"...........
Words that were never more true to me than they are now...