Misplaced once again...
It's supposed to be so easy to come home. But it's not. It's sooo not. I can't believe how lost and alone I feel in a place I call home. I just want to jump back on a plane and resume my life in Australia like I never left. Or maybe I just want everything easy. Or maybe, just maybe, I don't want so much free time right now.
I'm back, I'm living in Vancouver with friends throughout the summer. I don't have a fixed address and I probably won't until September. I went to rowing on Wednesday morning, but it was ugly. I've been swtiched sides and I fucked up my wrist 3 workouts in. I feel fat and like it's getting worse. I'm moody and miserable. I need money, but can't work until next week. This weekend if I'm lucky. I hate readjustments.
I want to row and can't until Wednesday...I guess I should be happy I get to at all, but it still makes today hard. I'll be living on the UBC campus as of next week, that should be interesting. I start my summer class in a couple weeks. I fear being slow in rowing though. The team is currently slow and I don't want to race if we're going to suck. I don't want to suck. I'm happy and jealous all at the same time for a friend who made the worlds team and even more envious of another teammate who is currently in limbo. I'm such a bitch, I was in Australia afterall.
I miss feeling like I belong somewhere. I know it will come in a few days, at most a couple weeks. But it still leaves me feeling lost right now. I haven't really heard from anyone outside of email since I got home, it's kind of like I'm not really here. Yet at the same time, this isn't a rant directed at anyone, so I don't want people feeling like they need to defend themselves....this is just me being me I suppose. I'm not the best at always finding my way into a new situation.
I've thought a lot about my future lately. It almost feels as though I'm starting to get to an age where I'm expected to have a career goal. I don't right now. I think I want to be a firefighter, but teaching still sounds good to. In all honest, I have no idea what I want. I'm scared others will expect me to do something with myself before I'm 30, I'm starting to think that might be an unlikely situation. I'm trying to figure out what will make me happy, what will let me have peace with myself, and I really don't know.
Maybe the end of the tunnel for school is what brigns it all on. Maybe it's too many hours thinking. I just need to be busy again, gah, bring it on.
I'm back, I'm living in Vancouver with friends throughout the summer. I don't have a fixed address and I probably won't until September. I went to rowing on Wednesday morning, but it was ugly. I've been swtiched sides and I fucked up my wrist 3 workouts in. I feel fat and like it's getting worse. I'm moody and miserable. I need money, but can't work until next week. This weekend if I'm lucky. I hate readjustments.
I want to row and can't until Wednesday...I guess I should be happy I get to at all, but it still makes today hard. I'll be living on the UBC campus as of next week, that should be interesting. I start my summer class in a couple weeks. I fear being slow in rowing though. The team is currently slow and I don't want to race if we're going to suck. I don't want to suck. I'm happy and jealous all at the same time for a friend who made the worlds team and even more envious of another teammate who is currently in limbo. I'm such a bitch, I was in Australia afterall.
I miss feeling like I belong somewhere. I know it will come in a few days, at most a couple weeks. But it still leaves me feeling lost right now. I haven't really heard from anyone outside of email since I got home, it's kind of like I'm not really here. Yet at the same time, this isn't a rant directed at anyone, so I don't want people feeling like they need to defend themselves....this is just me being me I suppose. I'm not the best at always finding my way into a new situation.
I've thought a lot about my future lately. It almost feels as though I'm starting to get to an age where I'm expected to have a career goal. I don't right now. I think I want to be a firefighter, but teaching still sounds good to. In all honest, I have no idea what I want. I'm scared others will expect me to do something with myself before I'm 30, I'm starting to think that might be an unlikely situation. I'm trying to figure out what will make me happy, what will let me have peace with myself, and I really don't know.
Maybe the end of the tunnel for school is what brigns it all on. Maybe it's too many hours thinking. I just need to be busy again, gah, bring it on.