Where all the bad stuff comes out....
It seems that when things go wrong here I turn to my lj. My travel journal witnesses some of my moods, but lj seems to witness the worse ones. I had yet another horrifying day yesterday and still feel kinda shitty and non focussed today. Some days I just want my life back. Other days I'm so excited to be here...I look around and realize I'm living my childhood dream and everything is great. I've come to realize that travelling is all about the highs and lows and lack of in betweens for me. It's either good or bad, not normally just fine. It's like that doesn't even exist anymore. It can be frustrating. It can also seem like I feel I shouldn't have come. But I am glad I came. I just wish some things would work out a bit differently. But adaptability is key, right? Maybe I just suck at it, which is something I fear. I don't want to be someone who never leaves home, but I hate feeling crappy too. I think when I get home though I'll remember the good parts best though, or at least I hope so. I think the next month or two will only get better though.
I went to Central Australia last week too. I wrote an email so I'm assuming you all got it. If not, ask me about it and I might send an email to you or something, but I don't feel like writing about it at the moment. I still want to row and I'm still not. But I wrote my coach at home and told him I'll be back in June. He replied quickly, which means he must be glad, but the email itself was very "oh, that's nice". He could show some emotion some of the time y'know. Agh. Whatever.
I've never wanted someone to give me a hug and cuddle with me as much as I did last night. I wanted to cry and I still sort of do. I hate feeling so hopeless. Hell, on days like yesterday, I hate feeling. Sometimes I wish for that time in my life where nothing fazed me, but I know I don't really want that. I just want to feel content. I feel so unsettled most of the time, it's hard to be optomistic about it all. Maybe I should take a trip to Sydney soon and visit Tolga, it might make me feel a bit better. Mid May perhaps? I don't know. I need a job so I feel financially a little more secure too. Ahhhh, all sorts of stress and none of it really relates to school. I think of how I have to house hunt again for fall in Vancouver too, that also stresses me out. I think I might think too much and all at once sometimes. Man, I miss my friends.
I went to Central Australia last week too. I wrote an email so I'm assuming you all got it. If not, ask me about it and I might send an email to you or something, but I don't feel like writing about it at the moment. I still want to row and I'm still not. But I wrote my coach at home and told him I'll be back in June. He replied quickly, which means he must be glad, but the email itself was very "oh, that's nice". He could show some emotion some of the time y'know. Agh. Whatever.
I've never wanted someone to give me a hug and cuddle with me as much as I did last night. I wanted to cry and I still sort of do. I hate feeling so hopeless. Hell, on days like yesterday, I hate feeling. Sometimes I wish for that time in my life where nothing fazed me, but I know I don't really want that. I just want to feel content. I feel so unsettled most of the time, it's hard to be optomistic about it all. Maybe I should take a trip to Sydney soon and visit Tolga, it might make me feel a bit better. Mid May perhaps? I don't know. I need a job so I feel financially a little more secure too. Ahhhh, all sorts of stress and none of it really relates to school. I think of how I have to house hunt again for fall in Vancouver too, that also stresses me out. I think I might think too much and all at once sometimes. Man, I miss my friends.