guess what I found
well god damn if it hasn't been awhile.
I still live in california.
That thing? It worked out. We're friends. We're fine.
There have been others. Other lovers, other losses. Endless frustrations and infatuations and you know how it goes. Luckily, I've learned they're less important. I don't cling to things with all eight arms of my octopus heart. Less obsession, less suffocation. I'm not starving anymore, it's okay if they want to escape.
I guess as you age the marks matter less. There's so many of them now. It kind of blends together, you feel less ruined each time. You've learned how to get a lot of them out, and more importantly you've learned how to not really care. Besides, this spot looks a little too clean. We could fit some splash of paint, some coffee stain, some blood spatter. Makes everything a little more interesting.
There's a new one, (there's always a new one). He flew me halfway across the world to see him, to be nice to me, to defy all expectation. Maybe he just likes doing what people consider impossible, maybe I really won him over by not giving a shit the last time he pulled that familiar card. Jokes on you, bro - I was playing solitaire. I mean who knows really. But, I've been building armor so long it's like why the fuck wouldn't you use it.
Maybe it will be great. Maybe it will be terrible. Maybe it will be another okay.
Either way.
I'm almost 30 now. I've been single longer than ever, at least in name if not in affection. I'm learning. I'm trying. I gotta get my shit together. I gotta really get into this art. I love horses but I don't wanna talk to people about them anymore. I don't wanna rely on random interpretations of generosity. Even though I'm keeping you from serious injury or death it makes me feel like a charity case.
So I guess that's what we're doing now. Just trying to get this long life together.
Maybe I'll feel more poetic later.
I mean I'm really at my best with a broken heart, but I can't remember the last time I cared enough to reset the thing. I did not press continue. Can't lose if you aren't even playing.
I still live in california.
That thing? It worked out. We're friends. We're fine.
There have been others. Other lovers, other losses. Endless frustrations and infatuations and you know how it goes. Luckily, I've learned they're less important. I don't cling to things with all eight arms of my octopus heart. Less obsession, less suffocation. I'm not starving anymore, it's okay if they want to escape.
I guess as you age the marks matter less. There's so many of them now. It kind of blends together, you feel less ruined each time. You've learned how to get a lot of them out, and more importantly you've learned how to not really care. Besides, this spot looks a little too clean. We could fit some splash of paint, some coffee stain, some blood spatter. Makes everything a little more interesting.
There's a new one, (there's always a new one). He flew me halfway across the world to see him, to be nice to me, to defy all expectation. Maybe he just likes doing what people consider impossible, maybe I really won him over by not giving a shit the last time he pulled that familiar card. Jokes on you, bro - I was playing solitaire. I mean who knows really. But, I've been building armor so long it's like why the fuck wouldn't you use it.
Maybe it will be great. Maybe it will be terrible. Maybe it will be another okay.
Either way.
I'm almost 30 now. I've been single longer than ever, at least in name if not in affection. I'm learning. I'm trying. I gotta get my shit together. I gotta really get into this art. I love horses but I don't wanna talk to people about them anymore. I don't wanna rely on random interpretations of generosity. Even though I'm keeping you from serious injury or death it makes me feel like a charity case.
So I guess that's what we're doing now. Just trying to get this long life together.
Maybe I'll feel more poetic later.
I mean I'm really at my best with a broken heart, but I can't remember the last time I cared enough to reset the thing. I did not press continue. Can't lose if you aren't even playing.