the end.
Nov. 18th.
I think im giving up on a lot of things again.
Id been wanting to write for a couple days but I have nothing worth saying.
Im lonely all the time. Nothing im doing is making me happy.
I have to beg and hope to get any physical contact at all with anyone and still doesn’t work.
I have nothing to say, im more miserable than I ever was before because I don’t have any hope left in any of the things I was so stupidly hopeful for.
I was unusually hopeful and positive and ambitious for a solid month and half and all I got was one set back after another after another. All I got was people proud of me and that certainly pays the bills or drives me around town or makes up for sleeping alone every night.
I wish one of the times I was done with brittny I could be.
I wish I could move and start over.
I have nothing to write.
I don’t care anymore.
Its not in me.
Sorry to anyone who spent time trying to help or listening or reading this series of unfortunate events. To be fair I thought I had it in me too.
Bright Eyes If Winter Ends
i dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart.
with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons
as to carry on.
into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow
but i swear that i would follow anything
if it would just get me out of here.
and so you get six months to adapt
and then you get two more to leave town.
in the event that we do adapt we still might not want you around.
and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that is impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight
i give myself three days to feel better
or i swear i am driving off a fucking cliff
because if i can't make myself feel better
then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening
so if there is a perfect spring that's waiting somewhere
just take me there and lie to me and say it's going to be alright
its going to be alright, yeah you worry too much kid,
its going to be alright.
ps.
what do you do with other people's efforts are riding on yours?
melina
AIM
12:35
you do have a reason to try. if nothing else do it for you. be positive and do things for you not others. i've watched things fall apart all around me and i saw how things were falling apart for you and you didn't give up, you tried to be better. i've looked up to you all these months. if things were shitty for you and you were trying i could too
I think im giving up on a lot of things again.
Id been wanting to write for a couple days but I have nothing worth saying.
Im lonely all the time. Nothing im doing is making me happy.
I have to beg and hope to get any physical contact at all with anyone and still doesn’t work.
I have nothing to say, im more miserable than I ever was before because I don’t have any hope left in any of the things I was so stupidly hopeful for.
I was unusually hopeful and positive and ambitious for a solid month and half and all I got was one set back after another after another. All I got was people proud of me and that certainly pays the bills or drives me around town or makes up for sleeping alone every night.
I wish one of the times I was done with brittny I could be.
I wish I could move and start over.
I have nothing to write.
I don’t care anymore.
Its not in me.
Sorry to anyone who spent time trying to help or listening or reading this series of unfortunate events. To be fair I thought I had it in me too.
Bright Eyes If Winter Ends
i dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart.
with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons
as to carry on.
into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow
but i swear that i would follow anything
if it would just get me out of here.
and so you get six months to adapt
and then you get two more to leave town.
in the event that we do adapt we still might not want you around.
and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that is impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight
i give myself three days to feel better
or i swear i am driving off a fucking cliff
because if i can't make myself feel better
then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening
so if there is a perfect spring that's waiting somewhere
just take me there and lie to me and say it's going to be alright
its going to be alright, yeah you worry too much kid,
its going to be alright.
ps.
what do you do with other people's efforts are riding on yours?
melina
AIM
12:35
you do have a reason to try. if nothing else do it for you. be positive and do things for you not others. i've watched things fall apart all around me and i saw how things were falling apart for you and you didn't give up, you tried to be better. i've looked up to you all these months. if things were shitty for you and you were trying i could too