found a new (actually not new) tv show
Oct. 28th
I need to get out before I can go into today which there isn’t much to. At the moment im at cynthias I have been all day and michael is here and im enjoying watching boston legal with him. I feel suddenly very bad because Ignored him for a couple years and refused to have anything to do with him and now that im all alone I’ve texted a few time and he just happened to show up today. He’s a good guy who always treated me well and like a good friend and I wasn’t very good to him. Not negative to his face mind you but it had to be noticeable. Its because he was a fuck up, a drunk and an addict and I didn’t have a lot of respect for him. Michael the fat drunk cokehead. I don’t think that was right of me, im not usually bothered my drugs or anything, that’s your choice. He never did treat me negatively to steal my shit for drugs or do anything to me, he’s a good guy and I feel bad for how I thought about him before. He didn’t deserve it despite the bad habits. I don’t think hes on anything now just cigarettes and moderate alcohol which is fairly normal in todays world. I might go downtown with him sometime soon. You cant get girls with a guy like Michael and he tends to be an embarrassing drunk but I feel guilty for my prior thoughts and think we should hang out. My ego was too big. Im homeless with a shitty job and an amazing girl just left me. I’m nobody special and certainly not better than anyone else.
So last night I got pass for pool hall to see pros it was awesome they were great the best Korean womens player in the country and in the 4 months shes been in this country shes up to 18th here and only 21 (and smoking hot). The guy in top 10 in the world and it was great to watch them shoot.. you could pay to play them 10$ for a game or 20$ for race to three….i wasn’t going to waste money but seemed like a cool thing to say you did so I spent 20 and played her….she killed me three games to none and tada. Killed some time, tim and travis came back to the house with us grilled burgers and hot dogs at 2am and they were fucking great. Watched a terrible movie from on demand (pathologist) and around 5:30am I went to bed. Slept terribly and woke up probably 5-6 times before getting up at 1. Everytime I wake up lately im in freak out mode and always brittny related it seems but I don’t remember the dreams I just have intense feelings of “oh no” and “fuck what do I do?”. Every so often there’s a positive one too where I wake up and expect to see her there beside me and nothing is more disappointing than realizing shes not and whatever it was wasn’t real.
So I got up and started wasting my dad because I woke up so upset for whatever reason I didn’t want to move….watched entourage to get up to date with the world which I think was last episode this season maybe it was a big deal one. Ate some random food around his house and around 2ish Cynthia called told her she bought some phone with wireless handsets and it screwed up her network, asked if I could help I told her its not something I know about but I’d be happy to try. I didn’t have anywhere to go or anything all day so at least I had a purpose today. Honestly her shit was really fucked up and shouldn’t have been the phone (lets take geek break. If you had a 2.4ghz phone with multiple handsets it CAN fuck up your wireless because they run on the same channel but hers was 6.0 so that isn’t an issue,) I ended up doing like 2 hours of troubleshooting that didn’t do any good then I said fuck it and redid her entire network without the phone hook up, made everything work again and then put the phone in made sure kept working and tada. Since Michael showed up after id been here for a bit and had introduced me to Boston Legal, which is a great show I decided to hang out for a bit since I was actually wanted somewhere. Think I’ll just sleep here tonight to avoid matts and for some company. At matt’s no one will even talk to me, go entire sections of days never opening my mouth, at least Cynthia and Michael like me. Cynthia even tried to pay me for the networking stuff I did for her and I wouldn’t take it, I NEED money but so does she, she has no job and a newborn and she helped me a ton back in the day and still would if I needed it I don’t want her money, her support is worth more at the moment for me.
That baby thing she has is crazy, its 10 weeks old she told me and its already bigger than it was not long ago but man does it cry like no fucking tomorrow. It really doesn’t bother me but the whole shitting all the time and puking on you seems like it would get old. All and all first times I’ve ever been exposed to an infant for extended periods of time, it’s not nearly as bad as I had assumed for the better part of my life. Seems like such an overly tough job to take care of a kid as a mother since they seem to get the brunt more than father. Awake all the time, feeding, changing, holding, whatevering.
On upward note Boston Legal is a really fucking funny show, everyone should watch it, they are in third season here but I’ll have to get one and two on my own and catch up. There’s five now and the fifth was final season.
I need to get out before I can go into today which there isn’t much to. At the moment im at cynthias I have been all day and michael is here and im enjoying watching boston legal with him. I feel suddenly very bad because Ignored him for a couple years and refused to have anything to do with him and now that im all alone I’ve texted a few time and he just happened to show up today. He’s a good guy who always treated me well and like a good friend and I wasn’t very good to him. Not negative to his face mind you but it had to be noticeable. Its because he was a fuck up, a drunk and an addict and I didn’t have a lot of respect for him. Michael the fat drunk cokehead. I don’t think that was right of me, im not usually bothered my drugs or anything, that’s your choice. He never did treat me negatively to steal my shit for drugs or do anything to me, he’s a good guy and I feel bad for how I thought about him before. He didn’t deserve it despite the bad habits. I don’t think hes on anything now just cigarettes and moderate alcohol which is fairly normal in todays world. I might go downtown with him sometime soon. You cant get girls with a guy like Michael and he tends to be an embarrassing drunk but I feel guilty for my prior thoughts and think we should hang out. My ego was too big. Im homeless with a shitty job and an amazing girl just left me. I’m nobody special and certainly not better than anyone else.
So last night I got pass for pool hall to see pros it was awesome they were great the best Korean womens player in the country and in the 4 months shes been in this country shes up to 18th here and only 21 (and smoking hot). The guy in top 10 in the world and it was great to watch them shoot.. you could pay to play them 10$ for a game or 20$ for race to three….i wasn’t going to waste money but seemed like a cool thing to say you did so I spent 20 and played her….she killed me three games to none and tada. Killed some time, tim and travis came back to the house with us grilled burgers and hot dogs at 2am and they were fucking great. Watched a terrible movie from on demand (pathologist) and around 5:30am I went to bed. Slept terribly and woke up probably 5-6 times before getting up at 1. Everytime I wake up lately im in freak out mode and always brittny related it seems but I don’t remember the dreams I just have intense feelings of “oh no” and “fuck what do I do?”. Every so often there’s a positive one too where I wake up and expect to see her there beside me and nothing is more disappointing than realizing shes not and whatever it was wasn’t real.
So I got up and started wasting my dad because I woke up so upset for whatever reason I didn’t want to move….watched entourage to get up to date with the world which I think was last episode this season maybe it was a big deal one. Ate some random food around his house and around 2ish Cynthia called told her she bought some phone with wireless handsets and it screwed up her network, asked if I could help I told her its not something I know about but I’d be happy to try. I didn’t have anywhere to go or anything all day so at least I had a purpose today. Honestly her shit was really fucked up and shouldn’t have been the phone (lets take geek break. If you had a 2.4ghz phone with multiple handsets it CAN fuck up your wireless because they run on the same channel but hers was 6.0 so that isn’t an issue,) I ended up doing like 2 hours of troubleshooting that didn’t do any good then I said fuck it and redid her entire network without the phone hook up, made everything work again and then put the phone in made sure kept working and tada. Since Michael showed up after id been here for a bit and had introduced me to Boston Legal, which is a great show I decided to hang out for a bit since I was actually wanted somewhere. Think I’ll just sleep here tonight to avoid matts and for some company. At matt’s no one will even talk to me, go entire sections of days never opening my mouth, at least Cynthia and Michael like me. Cynthia even tried to pay me for the networking stuff I did for her and I wouldn’t take it, I NEED money but so does she, she has no job and a newborn and she helped me a ton back in the day and still would if I needed it I don’t want her money, her support is worth more at the moment for me.
That baby thing she has is crazy, its 10 weeks old she told me and its already bigger than it was not long ago but man does it cry like no fucking tomorrow. It really doesn’t bother me but the whole shitting all the time and puking on you seems like it would get old. All and all first times I’ve ever been exposed to an infant for extended periods of time, it’s not nearly as bad as I had assumed for the better part of my life. Seems like such an overly tough job to take care of a kid as a mother since they seem to get the brunt more than father. Awake all the time, feeding, changing, holding, whatevering.
On upward note Boston Legal is a really fucking funny show, everyone should watch it, they are in third season here but I’ll have to get one and two on my own and catch up. There’s five now and the fifth was final season.