(no subject)
warning:major venting ahead
Officially cant stand my grandmother right now. She JUST arrived Saturday from Iowa and very badly insulted me and Bre that very same day. Mom tells me to get over it but no fucking way in hell am I going to be letting go of this anytime soon.
Full story: my grandparents,a cousin I havent seen since he was in elementary school and his girlfriend all arrive here late late Saturday,so on Sunday we do the lunch and Second Xmas thing with them. Well, remember those embroidered birds I made her? I give them to her and she opens the box. First thing out of her mouth is "Wow...just like what you made me last year...Thanks..." @^D*&#(*W! IT IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY LIKE WHAT WE GAVE YOU LAST YEAR BITCH!!!! Last year we ALL traced our hands onto felt(real personal and heartwarming right?) and turned them into birds which we proceeded to heavily bead and sequin and feather.It became an awesome mobile when we were done.This year,me and my sister hand embroidered completely different shaped birds with pretty floral designs as Xmas ornaments.The only connection here is "bird".They do not look the same.She TOSSES the box with the birds in it off to the side onto the other table after she hardly even looked at them....You know,I was really proud of those birds.I taught myself some embroidery and everything to make those and me and Bre spent alot of time on them only for them to be tossed aside like that. I dont have the money to go spend on crappy store bought gifts.I would rather make something for someone thats more meaningful and hopefully would be cherished. When I make gifts for people I often spent months on these things and put alot of work and thought into them.I do not react well when they are just blown off and I NEVER EVER let it go.
Second insult: Well you all also know Im only taking one class this semester for monetary reasons(as in I have none)and that Im only taking a math class that I failed due to laziness.Well,dear ol' Grandma pulls my cousin,who is a HS senior this year and starts practically yelling,"Tell him what you're taking for classes at COLLEGE,tell him how EASY it is,tell him TELL HIM!!" By the way,she is laughing the whole time about this. She does not know anything about our monetary situation and the dumb bitch doesnt know a thing about how college works in the first place. Well,I try to explain to him that I'm only taking the one class and that I failed it before.Grandma starts cackling at the top of her lungs so that EVERYONE can hear her about it being "8th grade math" NO FUCKING WAY IS THIS 8TH GRADE MATH! If we had done this in 8th grade,I never would have graduated MS much less HS. Even in HS algebra,we never touched on this stuff at all.Algebra has always been my downfall.I can do Trig,I can do Calculus,I cannot do Algebra. It makes no sense to me.Everything seems to involve all these ways to simplify a problem that you can solve as is without adding all the extra steps to "simplify" it. What the hell kind of sense does it make to double the length of time it takes to solve the problem by making it look a little bit neater of the paper?Riddle me this Batman?!What kind of sense does this make!!!?? Either way,she brought my intelligence into question in front of everyone and treated me like a complete fool in front of a person I havent seen in years.She made me sound stupid and lazy(because of only taking one class),made me feel cheap and childish(the handmade birds) and she made me feel bad about myself because of all of it.
I'm not stupid,Im lazy.Theres a big difference between the two. I started out in college with a deficit in math due to the kind of HS I went to.We had three peroids a day in art classes,plus one other arts related course,so that only left us 3 periods a day in which to do our standard HS curriculum.Therefore,most if not all of us that went there were short one math class that every regular student took.Hell,I only studied for the tests so I didnt really learn anything anyway.I only packed my short term memory and left my long term memory high and dry. I get my formulas mixed up and I have to know WHY I have to do a step.Knowing why helps reinforce it in my memory but if a teacher wont tell me why or cant tell me why,it's more likely that I wont be remembering that step anytime soon. I have run circles around around a friend who is a Bio major and wasnt even taking that course,I have had essays submitted by my teachers for possible awards,I have taken enough courses to take me past my original degree requirements and I will be switching to the higher degree.I have taken more difficult art history and Anthropology courses than I can count.So does this make me stupic that I'm good in math?No,not by a fucking long shot and I just dont understand why grandmother doesnt understand that. My first few years I took a full class load and actually went over the max credit hours a student should take.Granted I also sent myself into a near complete mental meltdown and took Breanne aliong for that little ride as well.In spite of working nights,I have taken night courses that were hours long,took a two hour bus ride daily to and from school and and have done pretty damn well in spite of many things.
She also did this very same thing at my senior art show in HS.I had to put together a complete,professional style art show in HS,with all art hung like a professional,a table of snacks and punch,invites,the whole bonanza.I also had to do it with these two other art students who bordered on incompetant.One rarely showed up to school at all(more interested in drugs and drinking with his older scab of a brother) and the other....why he was even in the art program I'll never know.He should have been in theater. We managed to pull it off(I did most of the work:invites,food,set-up etc) and was pretty proud of myself.I knew I could have done better with most of the artwork but it was still pretty good.My grandmother takes one look at my best piece(a portrait of Cindy) and said "Your 6 year old cousin could have done that" O______O No no nononononononono. It was a finger painted portrait of just her eyes,painted on ripped and shredded cardboard with lace imbedded in it.Cindy at that time was doing most of her own painting on cardboard with lots of texture involved as well as fingerpainting.If you asked somebody who that was a portrait of,they could tell you right off the bat because it looks just freakin like her.My fucking little 6 year old cousin could not do that.
I still havent forgiven her for this either and I never will.
Officially cant stand my grandmother right now. She JUST arrived Saturday from Iowa and very badly insulted me and Bre that very same day. Mom tells me to get over it but no fucking way in hell am I going to be letting go of this anytime soon.
Full story: my grandparents,a cousin I havent seen since he was in elementary school and his girlfriend all arrive here late late Saturday,so on Sunday we do the lunch and Second Xmas thing with them. Well, remember those embroidered birds I made her? I give them to her and she opens the box. First thing out of her mouth is "Wow...just like what you made me last year...Thanks..." @^D*&#(*W! IT IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY LIKE WHAT WE GAVE YOU LAST YEAR BITCH!!!! Last year we ALL traced our hands onto felt(real personal and heartwarming right?) and turned them into birds which we proceeded to heavily bead and sequin and feather.It became an awesome mobile when we were done.This year,me and my sister hand embroidered completely different shaped birds with pretty floral designs as Xmas ornaments.The only connection here is "bird".They do not look the same.She TOSSES the box with the birds in it off to the side onto the other table after she hardly even looked at them....You know,I was really proud of those birds.I taught myself some embroidery and everything to make those and me and Bre spent alot of time on them only for them to be tossed aside like that. I dont have the money to go spend on crappy store bought gifts.I would rather make something for someone thats more meaningful and hopefully would be cherished. When I make gifts for people I often spent months on these things and put alot of work and thought into them.I do not react well when they are just blown off and I NEVER EVER let it go.
Second insult: Well you all also know Im only taking one class this semester for monetary reasons(as in I have none)and that Im only taking a math class that I failed due to laziness.Well,dear ol' Grandma pulls my cousin,who is a HS senior this year and starts practically yelling,"Tell him what you're taking for classes at COLLEGE,tell him how EASY it is,tell him TELL HIM!!" By the way,she is laughing the whole time about this. She does not know anything about our monetary situation and the dumb bitch doesnt know a thing about how college works in the first place. Well,I try to explain to him that I'm only taking the one class and that I failed it before.Grandma starts cackling at the top of her lungs so that EVERYONE can hear her about it being "8th grade math" NO FUCKING WAY IS THIS 8TH GRADE MATH! If we had done this in 8th grade,I never would have graduated MS much less HS. Even in HS algebra,we never touched on this stuff at all.Algebra has always been my downfall.I can do Trig,I can do Calculus,I cannot do Algebra. It makes no sense to me.Everything seems to involve all these ways to simplify a problem that you can solve as is without adding all the extra steps to "simplify" it. What the hell kind of sense does it make to double the length of time it takes to solve the problem by making it look a little bit neater of the paper?Riddle me this Batman?!What kind of sense does this make!!!?? Either way,she brought my intelligence into question in front of everyone and treated me like a complete fool in front of a person I havent seen in years.She made me sound stupid and lazy(because of only taking one class),made me feel cheap and childish(the handmade birds) and she made me feel bad about myself because of all of it.
I'm not stupid,Im lazy.Theres a big difference between the two. I started out in college with a deficit in math due to the kind of HS I went to.We had three peroids a day in art classes,plus one other arts related course,so that only left us 3 periods a day in which to do our standard HS curriculum.Therefore,most if not all of us that went there were short one math class that every regular student took.Hell,I only studied for the tests so I didnt really learn anything anyway.I only packed my short term memory and left my long term memory high and dry. I get my formulas mixed up and I have to know WHY I have to do a step.Knowing why helps reinforce it in my memory but if a teacher wont tell me why or cant tell me why,it's more likely that I wont be remembering that step anytime soon. I have run circles around around a friend who is a Bio major and wasnt even taking that course,I have had essays submitted by my teachers for possible awards,I have taken enough courses to take me past my original degree requirements and I will be switching to the higher degree.I have taken more difficult art history and Anthropology courses than I can count.So does this make me stupic that I'm good in math?No,not by a fucking long shot and I just dont understand why grandmother doesnt understand that. My first few years I took a full class load and actually went over the max credit hours a student should take.Granted I also sent myself into a near complete mental meltdown and took Breanne aliong for that little ride as well.In spite of working nights,I have taken night courses that were hours long,took a two hour bus ride daily to and from school and and have done pretty damn well in spite of many things.
She also did this very same thing at my senior art show in HS.I had to put together a complete,professional style art show in HS,with all art hung like a professional,a table of snacks and punch,invites,the whole bonanza.I also had to do it with these two other art students who bordered on incompetant.One rarely showed up to school at all(more interested in drugs and drinking with his older scab of a brother) and the other....why he was even in the art program I'll never know.He should have been in theater. We managed to pull it off(I did most of the work:invites,food,set-up etc) and was pretty proud of myself.I knew I could have done better with most of the artwork but it was still pretty good.My grandmother takes one look at my best piece(a portrait of Cindy) and said "Your 6 year old cousin could have done that" O______O No no nononononononono. It was a finger painted portrait of just her eyes,painted on ripped and shredded cardboard with lace imbedded in it.Cindy at that time was doing most of her own painting on cardboard with lots of texture involved as well as fingerpainting.If you asked somebody who that was a portrait of,they could tell you right off the bat because it looks just freakin like her.My fucking little 6 year old cousin could not do that.
I still havent forgiven her for this either and I never will.